Sexual Abuse Support Group

hey soulbird, i go through this all the time didnt even realise i was doin it untill now. i hate myself to, somtimes i wish i stay this way so no-one likes me enough to hurt me, im just confused! big hugs sb

I do the same thing. I was told once that I don't see myself as being worth much because I keep doing the same things over again. ((HUGS))

I know how you feel. I feel like Im on a downward spiral too. No matter how bad things are though there is always hope.
It will take time to change patterns of thinking and behaviour but you have to start somewhere and it will be slow but you will get there. Im in the process now of trying to change my negative thinking. It may feel like you are getting nowhere but if you keep at it, it will change.
Saying things like you are not worthy and its too late are just destructive.
You can keep seeking love but the only way you will truly feel love is if you learn to love yourself. Im avoiding relationships now until I have worked on myself and built up my self-esteem and self-love.
Be forgiving to yourself too, forgive your past mistakes.

yes, we have to forgive ourselves and love ourselves, be good to ourselves. I've been self-destructive patterns too, then beat myself up for beating myself up. it's a vicious cycle. But we do have the power to break it! Never give up trying. I'm in process of changing my negative thinking too! CONSTANT programming! It will be worth it. We are worth it!

I'm trying to stay hopeful, but if you all knew what I've done as a result of my self-destructive thinking you would be shocked. I don't have many friends as it is and I think that if I were to break my silence that I would lose those friendships. I don't want to be judged as a horrible person. I know I'm not, I've just made way too many mistakes. I guess forgiving myself is all I can do for now, but I just don't know to even begin.

I know it's not easy. And most of us in here probably wouldn't be shocked. I've had some pretty twisted ideas too. like once, i dreamed up this idea to go hire a hitman to kill me so it would look like homicide.. crazy huh? our minds think up all kinds of stuff! now i look back and say man... i was having a bad day that day. oh yeah... lots of self-destructive things have gone on in my mind! it's just nice to know i'm not as alone in my thinking as i thought. we are human, we get hurt, we bleed, or we emotionally bleed. i've had my share of it!
now.. we just have to start building the bridge to taking care of our mind, body and spirit. I'm glad i found this place in here. gives me a sense of purpose and belonging. and by the way... you are not horrible.... you just think that way for now. we have to change our thinking and it can be done.. just a little work here and there, little by little, line upon line. we will get there!

You are certainly not a lost cause and absolutely worthy to live...I have seen numerous very supportive and caring relies to posts that you have responded to....replies that support the person in pain....you make a difference! I promise you.

Yes the abuse really messes us up and for many sends us down a self destructive and painful path...myself one of them. You have survived Soulbird...you have awareness and can see what your doing and reenacting you abuse...that's the beginning of change....your breaking through the unconscious forces that have controlled your life. I know it's hard sometimes to not be negative with ourselves but we become what we "think" we are...so if we think we're disgusting or stupid or whatever...if we hate ourselves we'll unconsciously move toward proving that perception...please be gentle with yourself and focus on the goodness you possess and the positive steps you make no matter how small.

I have done the same things in the past and im in a situation now of doing the same thing with someone but because i know what the pattern is that i do i try to change my behaviour.

I have found it to be hard and still find myself going back into those behaviour's but as soon as i know im doing that ill try and stop it.

Are you seeing a counsellor and talking bout this stuff it might help you.

With you making the same mistake over and over again tells me that you aint learnt from the one you made. I also think that you are looking for people to fix you

Thanks for all the wonderful replies!! I've really calmed down throughout the day due to all of you. It helps to know I'm not alone in this self-destructive battle, because it is a very intense internal battle. Some days, like today, it's so damn hard to even face myself in the mirror.

Fortunately, I do have a therapist and I'm doing some good work in there. Like you all said I need to remind myself of what I like about me and hold on to the hope. If I don't I'll remain in this destructive pattern. I know I can't expect anyone else to fix this, but me! It helps to have other people around to keep me honest though.

Thank you all and big hugs to you all!