What is Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Differ...
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Hello,
I'm new here, and I want to give as much as I can as well as ask for your help and support. (Asking for help and support are *very new* to me! So please, be honest and kind.) I joined because I'm having a hell of a time with bulimia. I've struggled with anorexia for over 15 years and now bulimia for something shy of 3 years. Eating is a struggle. And alcohol, too. And stealing used to be. And I get a rush sleeping in weird places or having random sex (but not recently!). And cutting, sometimes, although I think I've gotten out of that, thank GOD. Can you relate to any of that??? I come from a very non-traditional family where divorce is everywhere. Uncles, Aunts, Grandparents. All divorced and some on their third marriage. Mom's on her fourth, to my second stepdad. I think my first stepdad was abusive, but I can't remember. I just know that I was overly concerned about the things he gave me (backpack, lunchbox); that he was "wierd", having to call his mother every night; and that (honestly) I was especially concerned about my privates then. But it was when my 2nd stepdad came into the picture that life changed. He hurt my mother, a lot. I can't tell you how many times I've watched her being knocked to the ground or into furniture. I can tell you that he ripped her clothes off twice and that she was admitted to the hospital twice. And that I called 911 once... that was hell after. I can also tell you what he did to my rabbit, or how he threatened my older brother, or how my little brother is still there in the web... It's HELL. But here's what I want you to know. My current stepfather is a beast. He's touched me and made me touch his shit. He's raped my mouth and throat. He's raped me, and extremely painfully a few times. I want to kill him. I do not know why my mother has chosen to be with his shit. I was in the house when he raped her once. Grahhh! OK, well that is me. I'm sorry to be so angry at the end. But I have anger. Other things: I'm in therapy, 2x a week. I was an inpatient for trauma recovery for a few weeks this summer. I have an amazing few friends who know and give unconditional support. And, I need your help! All the best. Posted on 11/04/09, 01:11 am |
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Hi
Im so sorry for what you have been through. Its no wonder you have the issues you do after all that. We all have our problems so know that you are not alone. Your mum must have really low-self esteem to allow your stepdad to abuse her and abusive people destroy a persons self esteem even more. Its sad that you have had to be a parent to her instead of the other way around. That is alot to deal with..suffering abuse and having to witness your mum being abused and taking care of her. Sad as it is only she can really help herself. You need to concentrate on your own healing. I hope the therapy helps you to build a better future for yourself. I hope you know in your heart that you deserve happiness and respect despite how you have been treated. It may come to a point where you may have to distance yourself from your family. It will be hard to heal if you keep seeing your stepdad and seeing your mum being abused. take care 
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Welcome to the "tribe", Lovel!
Sounds like the cycle of abuse is in full swing in your family. Glad you have the courage to break it for yourself. I am sorry that you have had to go through so much pain and misery, but I am happy that you are seeking something better for you, cause you know you don't deserve that kind of treatment. I wish your mom would find the courage to do the same.
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LovelsTruth:
Your story made me so sad and mad. It is mind-boggling to me how pain and trauma get passed on. I agree with mtnmama and am glad to find you reaching out. I'm also glad to hear that you are in therapy 2x a week. What about bodywork? That, too, is an important part of your healing. Consider talking with your therapist about it. As for the drinking, are you in any type of 12-Step program? As sonyas77 said, "you need to concentrate on your own healing," and, I add, addressing this addiction is part of your healing. As for your anger, LovelsTruth, keep it; make it work for you. In The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis they say, "Anger turned inward can lead to depression and self-destructive behavior. You might have wanted to hurt or kill yourself. You may criticize yourself relentlessly or feel that you're essentially bad. Or you may stuff your anger down with food, drown it with alcohol, stifle it with drugs or make yourself ill." p. 144 They also say anger can be a "healthy response to violation and a powerful, healing energy. It is transformative to direct your anger accurately and appropriately at those who violated you." p.145 So keep your anger, LovelsTruth---just make it work for you, not against you. And remember, all the while you are working on your healing that you are not the abuse---it was something that was DONE to you, it is not who you are. xx
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My heart goes out to you! You are in the right place! You will find comfort, love and strength in here. I hate what happened to you! Makes me very angry too! I agree with all the ladies above. It's time now to love yourself. You are worth it. We all are worth it! It can take a lifetime to heal from all this abuse. But damn it, we're good enough, we're smart enough, and we deserve it!. Always remember this! Big hug for you Love!
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Hi all,
I am always amazed at how much better I feel when I let it out. When I just let myself talk, do you know what I mean? Thank you, sonyas77 - I've distanced myself from my mom and more importantly the stepdad. I can't be with them anymore and expect to get better. You are right, and I appreciate the reminder that what I am doing is the right thing... It's hard. I just want to thank you all for your support and encouragement to focus on the healing now. And, what a great perspective on the anger. It's written so clearly there in SuzA66's post! Thank you. And Hugs.
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I have a hard time with asking for help and support too, so I'm glad you found the courage to write a post!
I am angry just reading about what you had to endure. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair. With therapy you should be able to work through the anger, the drinking, and the bulimia. As trauma survivors we find various ways to cope with the pain we experienced and you're no different than any of us, you've found ways to get control of those emotions. I support you in this journey of healing and recovery. Big hugs to you!
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