What is Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Differ...
Join Now
|
How to forget things of the past
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
When I was two years old I was sexually and mentally abused by my biological father. My mom divorced him and met another man who is now my step-father( I call him my dad, I even took his last name) however I still had to go over to his house ever other week-end due to the court saying so. Finally we moved out of state and I never heard from him again, we got him to drop his parental rights, and I haven't seen him or heard from him in over 20 years.
My problem is my family is at odds right now and is fighting and somehow someway he (my biological father) got brought into the mix. I am talking about what he has done, I still haven't heard or seen him. I started to have dreams of things that was said or done when I was a child. Is this normal? How can I forget these things? I know I was young and I shouldn't be remembering these things, but however it seems that past has come back to haunt me. What can i do to put this all behind me and get on with my life again. I don't want to turn around and every time I see a man think it might be him, waiting to come and pick-up one of my children or even me? Please help any advice? Posted on 11/03/09, 10:11 pm |
| 3 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Wow - very tricky.
I know that you were very young when he abused you and you think that you shouldn't be remembering... but... what happened to you was a part of your experience in this life and it is a part of you. Because you were so young your memory is limited because you didn't have the words yet to form a linear story in your mind of what was happening to you, but your body still remembers everything. So I'm afraid there is no way to stop remembering, or forget. You probably have a better chance at remembering with more clarity and understanding. I don't know how to tell you to do that... There are some therapeutic techniques that focus on "body memories", Rubenfeld Synergy is the only one I can think of right now. I actually went back to Dance which was something I was doing when I was abused. It helps me be more connected with my body and process feelings and memories... I'm sorry this is such a scary time for you. I wish there was a quick fix to get you out of this situation, but if there was we all wouldn't be here, needing each other so much! 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
There does not seem to be a way to forget any of it, no matter how young you were when it happened. I knew about the abuse from later years, but now my dreams are bringing up more images from the toddler years, with body memories to go along with it. I would suggest counseling as the best way to help you deal with the memories and try to move on. Unfortunately, you can't bury them or ignore them successfully, so the best way to deal with them is process the information and move on.
What happens when you are abused, especially at such a young age, the memories get stored in the emotional, reactive side of your brain. When you process memories, you move them over to the logical, rational thinking side of your brain, you examine the memories, determine how what happened affected your life and behavior, then you are finally able to shelve it and move on. What can happen with these memories is that the emotions, reactions, behavior patterns and beliefs can come up to sabotage your present. That is why it is important to deal with the memories, even tho it is difficult. I wish you luck! It is not easy dealing with baby memories because they are not like the memories of older ages, in some kind of sequence or making any sense at all sometimes...
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
truckerswife:
You ask, "What can i do to put this all behind me and get on with my life again." The only way I know to put something behind you is to deal with it. It's a myth and convenient rationalization for perpetrators who abuse very young victims that those victims won't remember the abuse. But they will. Those memories are stored in the cells of the body and will remain there hidden, until triggered. They are hidden but still have a negative impact on the life of the survivor. You say that you've "started to have dreams of things that was said or done when /you were/ a child. Is this normal? Yes. It sounds like your body is telling you it's time to heal. Both therapy and body work are important. If you decide on therapy go to www.Sidran.org, click on the Help Desk and scroll down to find the article on how to pick a therapist. There are many types of body work; one is called Trauma Touch Therapy that was created by the Colorado School of Healing Arts specifically for trauma victims. See if you can find such a body worker in your area. If not, Google body work to see what you can see. Celebrate truckerswife, for it is now time to heal. Take it one step at a time and get a support system in place. xxx
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Reply |
