What is Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Differ...
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When is a good time?
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Hi everyone,
I wanted to know when do you think it's a good time to tell the person you are interested in that you have been molested? I am asking because I feel like I am getting close to someone, and my gaurd is somewhat down with this person (this has never happened before),,,, I just don't want to chase him off with my issues. I have alot going on (usual family issues and thinking about my past) but I really like him. He know that I am a virgin, but not why (many reasons). Everyones opinion will be much appreciated. Thanks Sarah Posted on 11/03/09, 07:11 pm |
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I would think the right time is when you feel safe in doing so. If that time is now...then now is the time. To be honest, it shouldn't matter...if telling him chases him away then he wasn't the right person for you anyway. Sometimes there's a tendency to tell too much too soon...I wouldn't make a big deal out of it...just saying since your relationship is getting close, you thought it might be a good time to tell him this had happened to you in case it mattered. I wouldn't go into a lot of detail...that can all come later. The thing is...it's a reality of your life and contributed to who you are today...hopefully he will handle it with sensitivity and caring. Good luck 
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It's all about you. You never HAVE to tell someone that you are with, but if you want to then the most important thing is if you feel safe with them. If you do then start slow. Try telling them that you were molested but don't give any details. See how they react. Wait a few days and if they react the way you want; if you still feel safe; and you want to tell them then share a little more.
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I've never had a good experience with relationships... but I've never told, either. I've just faded out and let relationship "take it's course".
There is one man who I love, very much. I could have pursued a very healthy and very loving relationship, but I was so weirded out by the sex that I had to disconnect entirely. In retrospect, I think that if I'd talked to him, he would have understood and worked through this with me... My advice is as follows: Tell him when you feel that he is a friend. Ellen
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I agree with Niki and sadave. I wish you the best!
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Wow... Thanks you guys, what everyone has said made alot of sense. So far he doesn't seem to be going anywhere no time soon, so why am I rushing? I think I need to move a little slower and decide if I should tell him or not. I guess what I am finally starting to notice with myself is that I'm scared I will never find someone who really likes or loves me and that I feel I am not good enough to be treated good... I don't want to mess this up because in the end he is still turning out to be a good friend (I chase those off too). I have alot to think about and thankyou for replying to my post.
Sarah
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It's good that you're thinking this through. This is a really important part of who you are. There is a chapter in The Courage to Heal book that talks about disclosing and their tips were really helpful. They give some suggestions about knowing when it's the right time to disclose and how to disclose.
Accept that you deserve to be treated like gold, whether by a friend or a romantic partner. You deserve love, empathy, and support. You shouldn't accept anything less from those people who say they love you. You deserve it and you should demand it. Furthermore, there is nothing to fear because you will find someone. Work on loving you and the rest falls into place.
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