Sexual Abuse Support Group

Yes, I am going through this with myself. I feel in my inner core that my father did something to me. So many things add up but I have no mental images, just body memories or feelings I should say. My sister says she has the same thing and has no doubt. She is 10 years younger then me and has known all her life. I just now am dealing with this. It makes it hard. I can make lists of things when added up speak volumes, but still no actuall memories. The same as with an uncle. I hate not knowing.

I'm beginning to think that something may have happened to me sometime in my life between 0-5 years old. Cause unless someone tells me a memory of anything between those ages...I CAN'T remember ANYTHING!! It's not until the age of 6 that I actually remember anything from my childhood.

I can only remember the moment in which someone shares with me...nothing more. So, it's been making me wonder if something traumatic happened...and I just can't remember. Or if a series of traumatic things happened and I just can't remember it. I remember random places...but, not much more then that.

Things I can remember prior to the age of 6:
-The carpet in my grandmother's carpeting her in her house
-The wood fireplace that was mounted into a stone wall, at my grandparents house.
-being at my dad's mom's house ONCE. Just being there, nothing more.

That's about it. Those were things I WASN'T told...but other then that...I don't remember much of anything.

I know I was abused from the ages of 2 1/2 onward, as far as SA. But am having disturbing dreams and body memories of something that might have happened earlier, with another family member. It IS disturbing, but from what I have dealt with so far, just deal with what you know, with the symptoms and behavior patterns. Your brain will release what you need to know when you are ready and ABLE to deal with it. Don't force the memories out! They WILL come when you are ready, or maybe never, but rest assured your memory will only give up when you are ready for that information.

thank you so much for your response. I am struggling and have been for. a long time. My sister also feels the same, that something happened but have no REAL memory. Feelings and emotions towards certain every day life situations with no explaination. part of me wants the memories and part of me is scared. I am 41 and this didn't affect me until 2 years ago. Look forward to talking to you more

Yes, I remember a lot that i wish i didn't. but a lot i have blocked out. I've lost a lot of time. Some things are better left alone. It opens a pandora's box and wreaks havoc on the emotional state. I also had out of body experiences, nightmares, and sleep walking problems as a child.

Yes, I have always been afraid to think more about the fears and issues I have or used to (obesity, alcohol abuse, and promiscuity when I was younger and intimacy problems with my loving, kind husband now). I am starting to wonder more now that my child is a toddler. It's like something about seeing her grow is triggering all these dark fears that have no specifics. I keep wondering if knowing something would even help or just make it worse. My older sister used to be so angry for no apparent reason that she beat and humiliated my brother and me, and she is still very overweight, and works with abused children. All signs point to abuse, but I don't know whether or how to begin addressing this.. So I do share your feelings and look forward to reading your other responses.