Sexual Abuse Support Group

i blame myself for what happened between my stepfather and me. so does my mom. i know in my head it isnt right but its hard. you were much younger than me and i can tell you that it is not your fault and how at ten would you know what to do. as for the nightmares i try thinking of good things while im falling asleep. i know sounds hokey, but sometimes it works. also writing helps me. im using my sisters computer so i never know when i will be able to respond but your welcome to message me.

hey there, it wasnt ure fault. i really think the first thing you can do is speak to a doctor and see about getting some counselling. it will take time to get through it but you will get there. as for the nightmares etc... the doc could help with that to. but i like to keep a journal beside me so i cant rite it down. i dont know if any of this helps. keep posting here. your not alone. there lot a good of people here. you deserve to be happy. hugs to you!

Child sexual abuse is mostly about the abusers need to display power over the victim. A nine year old girl has no power over any adult male. Most of us were also told to keep the touching a secret. Since we were good kids, we obeyed. We had no control at all at first and maybe we didn't even know we 'should' not be doing it and no one should be doing it to us.
When we did get old enough to know it should stop, we were so experienced at it, and maybe we were told how much we had acted as if we loved having it done, we believed we were responsible. We then became afraid to stop it or to tell.
You were molested for one-half your life. One of the aspects of sexual abuse is that for many victims, the longer they were abused, the more damaging the effects. It also takes them a long time to unlearn the thoughts that make us feel guilty. The negative effects seem to take a long time to stop. I think you can best be helped by a professional who really knows what they are doing.

I have one other thought to add. When the abuse started you were an innocent child of 10. Through the years of abuse you remained that hurting ten year old. It doesn't matter that you were 14, or 17, or 19. In your mind you were still that scared little 10 year old girl. He knew that. He took full advantage of it.
I am sorry you were hurt.

What Kay said.
It is hard to grow emotionally once the abuse starts.
If you can, see if you can get into counseling. Go therapist shopping.
When you find a good therapist, it makes a world of difference.
It is OK to forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong. It is not your fault.

I blame myself sometimes too and sometimes it can be hard not to. I have nightmares too and flashbacks sometimes and I still have trouble dealing with them sometimes. I try to think happy thoughts before I go to sleep. It doesn't always work but it does sometimes,anything's worth trying right?
I've also found that writing about it can help too. If you ever want someone to talk to,I'm always happy to listen. Take care x

Hi,
I was also abused between the same ages. I know its easy to blame ourselves for not doing something in our late teens when we think we were old enough to do something. We have to remember though that we were groomed and sexualized from a young age, before the abuse even started. we were manipulated and maybe threatened to give the abuser what they wanted. we were essentially programmed to be their sex slave. We are most impressionable as children and our young minds were molded to suit the abuser.
The only one at fault is your stepdad. You didnt want to be abused. You wanted healthy, innocent love from him but all that he had on offer was perverted love.
Even if we went along with it and "asked" for it, that is because that is what we had been taught to do, perhaps the only way we could get love and attention.
Children will do what they are taught to do. We respect an adult's authority and look to them for guidance and what is right and wrong. It is not our fault we were taught the wrong thing, that we had a sicko for a parent or step-parent.
I hope you will get therapy. This may seem hard at first and you may need to ease in to it. Try to get sexual abuse counselling. Telling people in your family may help. Cutting the abuser out of your life will also help. Its not always straightforward though. I was lucky in that my family also cut him out of their lives. some familys unfortunately will take the abusers side over yours and you may have to choose to keep seeing the abuser if it means seeing your family. You must do what is right for you and best for your healing. You should surround yourself with supportive people and limit contact with the non-supportive ones.
In time the nightmares and flashbacks should become fewer and less intense. They did for me. There are therapies out theresuch as EMDR which can help with intense emotions/PTSD for some people. Keep trying and dont give up.
take care