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My mom doesn't support me
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I was molested when I was 6 years old by a middles aged guy. He will always call me to his house and rape me. Where was ur mother u may ask. She trusted him to take care of me cuz he was her friend. So whenever he calls me to his house she will juz tell me to go play wid his daughter. The truth was far from that. He would call me up to his room n rape me. He was an alcoholic. He didn't care whether I felt pain or not. He simply didn't care. I felt like he was literally ripping me apart. He would put it in my butt and my vagina. I would beg him to stop and he will say u have no right to tell me what to do u little bitch. u r mine. I own you and u will have to listen to me for the rest of ur life. He started to threaten me. He will say if u ever told anyone I will personally hunt you down. I was a lil kid I didn't know any better. Now that I think back I think it's all my fault. :(. Anyways one day I couldn't stand it anymore. I even blacked out due to the pain I was suffering. When I wake up he would be shouting in my face why I would black out and cut me. I was so scared. I suffered from this for 8 months. I still remember every details as if it happened yesterday. I would always beg him in tear please stop I will do anything. He would say shut up u don't even have the rite to speak back to me when I don't ask u anything. He would beat me tie me up and choke me. Later that month I was called to his house. My mom got suspicious cuz he has been calling me very often to ply wid his daughter. She came to his house and asked his maid where he was she told him he took me upstairs. She was mad. After that day he was sent to jail n I was back at home. About 7 years have passed and whenever I tried to talk to my counselor or I tried to get help she will tell them that it never happened and I was the liar. She is supposed to be helping me. After all she caught him res handed. It's as if she wanted to remove the memory cuz it was terrible. If it was terrible for her how do u think I feel? I juz couldn't forget something like that. Every night I will have night mares about him telling me to undress and get on his bed. I have flashbacks abt him call me all sorts of names and telling me that I deserved it because girls are lower than guys and that I was his little bitch. Thinking these things over and over I feel like I juz let it happen. I felt like it was my fault I didn't get help sooner. I loathe myself and disgust myself. after all these years I finally decided if my mom doesn't support me I will get help online. for those who have read it plzz give me advice on how to forget the scenes and flashbacks. it wasn't easy writing this and I don't think it was easy reading this so thanks
Posted on 06/20/12, 04:00 pm |
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I am so extreamly so to learn that this happend to you when I was 12 I was constantly raped by a "truste friend" of my departed parents so ofcourse my aunt and uncle trusted him but he never went to jail not even when I had living proof of this no one believed me and I was labled a whore. I understand that this is never easy writing this but atleast you told someone. 
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My heart aches for you! My first advice is to contact your local Sexual Assault hotline to see and/or speak an advocate. Your mother has seen something horrific and most likely does not want to face the truth. You are not alone - My mother turned a blind eye also. I too experienced terrible flashbacks of the rapes at the age of 14-16. My abuser never went to jail - he was not reported. I am here for you - please continue to respond when you able. A warm hug to you
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I'm so sorry for what you've had to endure. You couldn't have gotten help sooner - he had you terrified, he threatened to hunt you down. You were just a little child. Please don't blame yourself for anything, it's all on his head, the evil man that hurt you.
I'm also very sorry your mother doesn't support you, that must be incredibly painful. And I can relate. I told my mother and father about grandpa abusing me, when i was 11. I was angrily sent to my room by dad, and my mum came in. She said 'did it hurt, did you bleed?' I said 'I don't know' and she patted me on the arm, said 'you'll be right' and left the room. It was never mentioned again, and I didn't speak up again until I was 23 (and sober.) You can talk to me anytime, I'm a 53 year old woman, have been on a long journey of therapy and ups and downs and healing. also, is it your counsellor who doesn't believe you or your mum? I wasn't sure, but i hope your counsellor is a good one. I hope there's support lines in your area, like Rape Crisis, that you can ring anytime you need to talk. (I live in a different country). I would urge you to get all the support you possibly can, and be kind to yourself. You were a victim, you have no shame, the shame is all on the man who hurt you. Hating yourself is part of the effect of the abuse, which is one of the reasons it's so evil. I hope you can get through those horrible feelings, and come a place of being your own best friend.
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I am so sorry you were treated as you were. The sad part is the parents who find out and ignore it like it never happened. You are the victim. not them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please share all your feelings here on Daily Strength. People here know exactly what you are going thru. I was sexually abused and raped as a young child in a foster home. I believe staying in therapy is sooooooooooo important. If you can find in your area a support group for sexually abused women that would be a good thing also. At least in a group you know you are not alone and others can relate to you. If you have the strength and maybe no right now, have the guy arrested. You telling the police could save another child, maybe he might be molesting others. AT 6 years old it was never your fault. AT 12, 13, 18 it is never your fault. It is the fault of the perpertrator. He had the control over you, you were too little to comprehend what he was doing. You cannot forget the scenes and flashbacks. It is part of the process of getting all of that out of your mind, feeling it, the sadness, the anger and moving thru it. I tried to forget for 40 years and finally cuz I hated myself went into therapy. I no longer hate myself, I hate what happened to me and yes, the abusers I hate as well. I have a right to hate them. My hope is in time to forgive but I am not there yet. Message me if you want to talk and also there is a site where victims can chat with others.
http://www.chatzy.com/52002374758124
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Hi! How are you today?
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Than u everyone ur replies mean the world to me .......(since no one listens to me anymore) They think I'm big liar. Every time I tried to talk to my counselor he would ask me abt attention seeking problems and stuff guess that's what my mom told him. there are any support in my community to reach out any help here in Thailand rape is a very huge and embarrassing topic no one talks abt it. The victims nor the abuser. The worst part abt my life is I see him almost everyday. He's back!!!!!! Every time I see him or hear from him I would be shaking n crying in my room. He would call me n say hey I remember how ******** u were etc etc.. stuff like that it doesn't help me at all. All I was asking my mom is a lil help to listen to me and give me strength and all she gave me was a cold shoulder. :'(.He would send text messages saying if I remember how he felt and how I was asking for it..... I mean how twisted can he be. I was juz a 6 year old how m I asking for it....... I hate him and wish he would juz disappear or I would disappear. Recently he called me and told me he still has pictures of me. It terrified me. I hope it's juz a threat........... thank you for listening to my complaints and thank u for caring I needed someone to talk to thanks :)
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sadly you cannot forget these horrid things, but you can work on forgiving yourself and not blaming yourself. I have been sexually harmed by 3 men, and my parents also lack support and understanding. If you ever need anything please do not hesitate to contact me.
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I just want you to know I also have had these flashbacks. It simply takes time to work through them. I was sexually abused/raped age 12-16 by the father who adopted me. I finally had the courage to tell my mother (adopted) at age 14. The abuse continued until age 16. She did not report him to police. Instead he was allowed to continue living in the house. I continue to have flashbacks, but they are not as severe now, and I put a voice to my feelings now as an adult. I would wake up at night and swear he was standing in the doorway to my bedroom. My husband would wake and tell me there was no one there. I began to know what I was seeing. God has allowed me to heal from those images. I have very little family support as family prefers to pretend it did not happen and continue to associate with him. I've experienced alot of pain and anguish in this as I felt I was wanted in this family who were well thought of in the community - instead I was adopted into abuse.
Please see my blog at http://beendownthatroad.wordpress.com. Please feel free to message any time.
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You could save a copy of those text messages and show your therapist...though I wonder if a sympathetic police officer could also be found to present this to... if you were an adult and under my country's laws, you could file sexual harassment charges.
I do not know what can be done in Thailand, but what he is doing is not right, and no you did not want it. It is not your fault. I...am afraid of misunderstanding your culture...but I suspect one reason your mother does not want to accept this happened is that she would stand to lose a great deal of face. If it were commonly known she sent her daughter over to be abused would she not suffer great embarrassment? Even so, this is precisely what she did.
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