Sexual Abuse Support Group

You know you're not a liar...but it does feel...like having a shoe thrown into the gears of your brain.

Firstly, you're not a liar. However, it's understandable that you'd be questioning yourself right now. We're our own worst critics and when someone else is so adamant about their version of "truth" then it's easy to go to that place of self doubt. Unfortunately, perpetrators are some of the best liars out there and can be very convincing when it comes to their version of the truth. That does NOT mean you are lying and it doesn't mean you won't get justice. It means you have a hard battle to fight but you've already proven how strong you are by surviving what happened and now taking a stand and reporting him. It doesn't matter how long you waited. You did the best that you could do at the time, which was try to heal without reporting. You then realized that reporting your offender would give you closure so now you're doing that. You're doing what's best for you and that's really important.

Self-doubt is normal but you're not a liar and you need to stand your ground. He's trying to manipulate you and intimidate you because he knows what he did was wrong. Please try to remember that when you're doubting yourself.

Thanks for the responses.

It's nice to be reassured. My husband is empathetic but doesn't really understand.

I left it as a 'mistake' for so long but when he told me he'd told his religious leaders he'd had sex but left out the fact that I was under age and 20 year younger than him, I knew that he knew what he did was wrong.

I have a 4 month old daughter now and I ask myself how could I tell her to report someone if I never had the courage to do it.

What's hardest for me is that all my offenders fall into the gray area. 'consensual' sex through manipulation and intimidation. It's so hard to heal when you always wonder if it really happened to you or if you just had sex.

Manipulation and intimidation mean it wasn't really consensual. If it feels to you like it was rape, then it was rape. Especially with that much of an age difference. Also, I'm not sure how old you were but being underage means you're not able to give informed consent - meaning it's still classed as rape. No matter what your age or the age of the perpetrator though, if you're manipulated and intimidated into doing what someone wants you too then there's no way you "just had sex".

I think it's inspirational that you want to set such a good example for your daughter. Keep fighting.

I was 16 and he was 36. So I was old enough to give consent up to someone over 10 years older. I think it falls under the category of unlawful sex with a 16 or 17 yr old.

However, he was a doctor and a CEO and I looked up to him as a mentor, a trusted adult and he took advantage of that. Coming from a poor home with no father and a list a mile long of sexual abuse, I was an easy target. Take me to a fancy restaurant, promise me a trip to Japan, France, or Hawaii, and give me a few expensive gifts and I'd do anything to keep him around.

The worst part is I struggled for years with the decision to report him or not. I was scared of the publicity (his company is in 16 different countries so he's kind of a 'big deal'). I was didn't want his 3 boys, whom I adored, to loose their father.

I struggle with this a lot also. It's a terrible feeling to be called a liar. First, you have to work up the courage just to tell someone what happened, then to be told you were lying about it just sends an ache so deep. I hope you know so many believe you. and yes, I can see where you would question it, but you know what's true. Keep your head up and stand up for yourself. Call him a liar!

We all know that you are not a liar. My ex husband abused my granddaughter and his response to this was: I have done nothing wrong. He is fortunately out of my state, however, he is now living near his son who has a daughter! That scares me. I wrote a 5 page letter to the son telling him what had happened and to be careful. Never heard back but that doesn't surprise me. I'm sure he said the same stupid line to his son. He may be gone but what he has done to my granddaughters pshcy is so far, beyond repair. However, I believe in Karma, and boy has he gotten it since moving away and not admitting what he did! What has meant the most to him as far as materialistic things go, has all been taken away. They pay honey, just give it time. I know the waiting is the hardest.