What is Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Differ...
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Hi, just need a little advice. sorry its long winded
Often I get pset if any form of sexual abuse no matter how small or extreme is brought up. For example if there is a film on TV and suddenly there is a rape scene or a woman tied up (like in a horror film) I have been known to go moody or have panic attack...I have even thrown up as an extreme involuntary reaction. Although I was never actually raped i was sexually abused as a young teen for some time and it has (as much as i like to tell my self im fine) affected me. I find it difficult to deal with this sort of thing or even hear about it on the news. The problem here is not my reaction, i am old enough to expect and cope with that after the initial scare. It is how people see this as me being prudish or over sensitive and stupid. I think maybe this might be in my head but i feel like people think im stupid or over sensitive when i react badly to these things in media or jokes ect. but it is probably cos they dont know why!! how do i explain? I dont want the whole world to know my buisiness I have prided myself on not letting it break me/coping myself with my issues. But there is one person in particular who I really wish did know about it sometimes. How do I tell my boyfriend?? I just want him to understand why I have certain issues about this stuff. How do I tell him, what do i tell him? should I tell him everything?? He is so nice and supportive of me But I just cant seem to tell him! He seems a little dense about it, although i think from the way I have reacted to stuff it might have been obvious he is oblivious! I guess I'm scared that it will ruin things between us, he gets so worried about upsetting me in general as he is not very confident (he has been treated badly by other girls) I think he would worry to much about hurting my feelings and feel guilty in case he has accidental been insensitive at any time. Very confused, any help is appreciated!! xx Posted on 10/18/09, 11:10 pm |
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Are you worried he'll leave you if you tell him and he gets weirded out about it? It's a valid concern. In fact, my first boyfriend did leave me after I told him. And I was so upset I suppressed it all and didn't remember it again for years. But you know what? Even though it took me literally a decade to get over his leaving me, now I'm glad he did -- because he was sure as heck not the right person for me! I need someone I can really talk to. If you tell your boyfriend and he's supportive, then you've found the right guy, and your relationship will deepen and be emotionally intimate and even better than before. 
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Hi, thanks for the reply.
Actually I'm not worried he would leave me at all, he's not like that. I jut think I would give him a major guilt trip about not understanding me at times or something. But thats made me think that through and realise that he wouldn't leave me for it! so thanks for making me think that through! very helpful. I just think if he worries about it too much it might make things awkward. He gets really worried if he thinks he has upset me, he is very sensitive himself because other girls have been horrible to him and made him feel really bad for being himself. is it wrong that I'm worried about him as much as myself??
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It's wonderful that you are each very concerned for the other. Life is full of dealing with each other's and our own issues and learning to cope. An important thing is learning how to be honest always, and when to wait for the right moment before laying something big on our partner. Finally, is learning to cope when things are not perfect - but it's coping together.
It is great that you are concerned for him. Use the concern to dictate when and how you will be open ... but not _if_ you will be honest in all things. Good luck, it won't be easy, but if he's as good as you say then it will be worth it.
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