Sexual Abuse Support Group

It's always hard to shake past experiences. Unless something about your daughters mood/behaviour/etc has changed drastically recently, or there's any other very particular reason you're worried, then its probably just the past experiences you've had that worry you. If not, maybe be a bit more open with your daughter, without revealing too much about your own experiences.
If this helps, my step-father tries to interest himself in things to do with me and my sisters, just to get to know us better and try to make us feel more involved with the family. It probably seems a bit creepy to outsidrs that he tries to be our best mate, but he's just trying to be friendly and interested and get along with us and make our relationship better.

I always wonder things like that too. Like if i see a dad close to his daughter, or like daddys girls and stuff, i wonder does he mess with her and stuff like that. I think it's just how we think now cause of what happened to us. i agree with scuba, just watch ur daughter.

Your daughter is 15; that is old enough for her to process what is appropriate and not-appropriate behavior. I would be decidedly serious and have a direct, yet gentle, talk with her. I would not be circuitous about it: I would come out and ask her what is going on, if anything. You could talk about boundaries and then ask if her if her step-father has overstepped any healthy boundary. This is too important to worry about paranoia or hurting anyone's feelings. If after the talk you don't believe anything has occurred, then fine. but, at least you will know. Best of luck.

Hi, that sounds perfectly normal to be paranoid/suspicious because that is what you have been taught to feel through your experiences, although you 'may' be wrong in your suspicion it is not your fault that you have been psychologically programmed by your abuse to view things in that way and at the end of the day you are exercising your protective instinct over your daughter (being a good caring mother) and looking out for her so she doednt have to go through what youd did.

Does you partner know about what has happened to you?? perhaps he should know.

I think you should talk to him about it, and tell him that certain things remind you of it, I would stay away at this point from 'accusing' in any way as it sounds like perhaps your daughter is telling the truth and it is just innocent - it may be that he is simply trying to be friends with her because it is important to him to do that to strengthen you relationship. I'm not saying you are completely wrong of course, you could possibly be right and so it is good to keep an eye on them both to make sure.
Does your daughter know what happened to you? It may OR may not be a good idea for her to know.
If you can explain that certain things make you feel uncomfortable because of what happened to you even though you know it is not like that then maybe he will understand and try a different approch to bonding with your daughter.

Hope this helps
good luck duck
xx

I understand how you feel. I dont have kids but one of the many reasons I dont want them is that I would always be worried about my husband or someone else abusing them because I was abused by my dad.
what you describe could be entirely innocent and like you say just you being paranoid because your abuser did similar things.
Its so sad isnt it that the same actions could either be grooming or just innocent behaviour.
I agree with random that if your husband doesnt know your past maybe you should tell him.
You could tell your child too but if you dont want to do that have a chat to her about abuse in general. tell her what is innappropriate touching/behaviour and to trust her gut instinct. If anything makes her uncomfortable tell her she should come and tell you right away. Educating kids is important. So many of us may not have been abused if we'd been taught about abuse and been told who we could have spoken to.