Sexual Abuse Support Group

i know whant your saying but unfortinetly when i got married to my ex husben abused me he would make me do things i didnt want to do even have sex with his friend if i didnt he would beat me if i didnt do what he says so thats how my frist marriage

I know there are lots of other people here on the forum who ARE married, however I am not one of them. I have intimacy issues and avoid relationships at all costs because of it. Its easier to stay single than to have to face my issues, plus have to deal with guys who just don't understand. In my mind, sex is disgusting and anything sexual makes me feel dirty. Maybe one day I'll get over it, but I'm not holding my breath.

I can relate - my wife had to wait a couple of months and was almost ready to hand me back my ring when I went to friends who helped me to overcome this issue.

In the complete dark, I finally got naked with her and just lay beside her. Things progressed slowly, but they progressed.

Intimacy was pleasurable, but always took some prep.

Good luck.

Give your husband my respect - I know it's not easy on his end either.

My husband and I recently celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary, and we lived together for 3 years before getting married so yes, intimacy after abuse is possible. That being said, it still takes some effort, trial and error, and patience on both of your ends.

In my case I was abused at a very young age and felt that I HAD to have sex to be worth anything. It was tied to my self-esteem that if I wasn't "good for sex" then I wasn't "good for anything". But I would often freak out during intimate moments or would cry for hours afterward. Even if I physically felt good, emotionally I felt angry, dirty, guilty, shameful or fearful.

My husband and I had to figure out what made intimacy easier or more enjoyable for me (like having the lights out or being partially clothed) and also what made me panic before or during sex so that we could avoid that as much as possible.

Another thing that helped me tons was inner child healing. I had to mentally separate the side of me that had been abused as a child from the side of me that was now a grown and married woman. I envisioned leaving that little girl in the livingroom with crayons and a coloring book while I shut the bedroom door to be with my husband. This sounds weird to some people, but it really worked for me and I have gotten to the point that I can enjoy being with my husband and feel good afterwards.

I hope that helps. Be patient with your husband and his needs and with yourself and your own needs as well. *hugs*

I have been very happily married for 2 years and we have been together for 7. I still get a little anxiety when we have sex but he helps a lot by hugging me, stopping and making me feel loved not used. Try explaining to your hubby that you need time to feel secure and remind him that its not his fault you feel this way, also tell him that what he is doing IS helping make you HAPPY even if your not having sex yet. For my husband, knowing he is making me happy is much more important than sex. Try to figure out what you need from him to feel secure in the mean time. In my case intimacy freaked me out because I only ever got attention/love while they used me. I always felt like Intimacy or love of any kind was just a way to manipulate me. I told my husband this and that not feeling used for the first time in my life would make me extremely happy and love him more. He was very happy to wait knowing that waiting was making me happier than sex ever could. He waited 5 months before we even kissed. We are very affectionate with each other and i could not imagin it any other way.

Good luck! I really hope you can be comfortable with your husband, its a wonderful feeling.