Advertisement




More DailyStrength
Health Event Calendar
See what's new on the site
Step-by-step Tutorials
How to use DailyStrength
We're on Facebook
Check out our page
Follow us on Twitter
Read our tweets
Get Cool DS Stuff
Shirts, Hats, Baby Wear
Advice:
how do i deal with unsupportive family members?
Watch this 
View More Posts Ignore
i have been dealing with abandoment from my family for years now. because they blame me, for the abuse, and not my grandfather, who is the abuser. i have tried many times to talk to them. just recently i decided to get my grandfather off of probation. because of his illness. so i called them all and confronted them before i decided yes. which was very difficult to do. now my grandfather is off of probation. i have had no appreciation given to me. but i want to get the truth out, and get rid of the lies and stop them hiding. also to face the way they have treated me, and my mother for so long. how do i face the people who have been so unsupportive and cruel and in denial for so long? how do i get the truth out?
Posted on 10/08/08, 12:31 am
8 Replies Add Your Advice
Reminder: This is a support group for Sexual Abuse. We trust you will do your best to remain positive and helpful. For more information, see our rules of the road.

You may also create your own Member Groups where you can moderate the discussion.
Advice:
Email me when others reply to this topic help
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #1 - 10/08/08  12:59am
" That is such a tough one. I think once you've let the truth out, there is such a need to have the horror of what you endured validated by their support... when they support the abuser, it can make it feel so much more raw all over again. The problem is, you may not be able to change them. They have their own need to believe their reality, even when they are wrong. It may feel too threatening for whatever reason for them to acknowledge your hurt and his crime. You are incredibly brave for trying. "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #2 - 10/09/08  1:13am
" I have learned I cannot change my history, I cannot change other people. I can only change me and how I react to people. If it seems unfair that we are most often the ones who have to change when we were the victims, it feels unfair because it is unfair. Another thing I had to accept because I could not change it was "Life is unfair." You can change your family. Mentally divorce those in the family who are cruel to you. Then, choose anyone who loves you and nurtures you as a replacement, as long as they agree. "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #3 - 10/09/08  10:47pm
" i thankyou for both of your responses. i do realize i may not be able to change them. it maybe threatening to them. but they need to face their wrong doing. life is unfair. i know only to well. we as victims do have to change. but as we change and get stronger, thats when they do not want to really deal with you. so should we let them get away with what they have done, and live like we do not exist in their eyes? or stand up for what is the truth and try to stop all the non sense? not play the games anymore. i guess i figure we as the victims should try to stand up for the truth. instead of playing societies game of hiding it. we did not do the wrong. i guess i just want them to face and deal with me, because i am tired of being the family's big hidden secret. i am tired of them not facing what they have done. i guess i figure if i don't do it. i allow them to still have the power to pretend like i am not there.that is wrong, and has been wrong for years. they support the abuser, not the abused. it makes no sense. i just do not get it. "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #4 - 10/09/08  11:05pm
" hi,
your family should be giving you support and siding with you and ur grandpa should be an outcast. You owe ur family nothing, they are in the wrong. its a shame that you think you shouldnt prosecute ur grandpa just to get ur family's approval. Of course i know this is all easier said than done when our family's love means so much to us.
I dont know if you have already confronted them but if you havent it would perhaps be good to do that. tell them how u were an innocent child, your granddad the authority figure in a position of trust, who abused that trust for his own sick, sexual gratification. tell how the abuse affected you and still does to this day. tell them how hurt you are that you dont have their support when you were a victim of a sick and twisted mind.
not sure if this will make a difference because it seems quite common for families to be in major denial.
YOu deserve respect and support. You have the right to seek punishment from a sick man who did a hideous act to his own grandchild.
If you cant get what u need from your family and it is causing you pain, i would suggest cutting contact with them. Another alternative is to go to family counselling with them so a professional can tell them how wrong and damaging their behaviour is..that is if they will go.
all the best, my heart goes out to you "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #5 - 10/09/08  11:07pm
" by the way, you can treat the confrontation as a way to declare out loud for your benefit that your family is in the wrong etc instead of doing it to change them. This can be an empowering and healing act for you.
I wish I could be there to speak on your behalf and tell them to wake up!! "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #6 - 10/10/08  4:17pm
" that is tough sounds like my family to the t denial you are not alone it helps to tell someone if only a little it does add up tell your story many ppl here willing to listen "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #7 - 10/10/08  6:45pm
" WHAT A STRONG PERSON YOU ARE AND YOU CANT MAKE ANYBODY LISTEN OR UNDERSTAND. I FEEL BAD FOR WHAT YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH. WE CANT CHANGE PEOPLE WE CAN ONLY CHANGE OURSELVES. YOU WILL BECOME A STRONGER PERSON THROUGH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH. HOPEFULLY YOU CAN FIND PEACE IN YOUR HEART AND JUST LET THEM FAMILY MEMBERS GO. WE CAN SURVIVE WITH OUT THEM, I HAVE LET FAMILY MEMBERS GO AND I'M CONTENT WITH IT AND AT PEACE WITH MYSELF. I DON'T NEED ANYONE IN MY LIFE WHO ACTS LIKE THAT. YOUR BRAVE AND I TAKE MY HAT OFF TO YOU FOR GETTING HIM OFF PROBATION IF THAT WAS ME HE WOULD STILL BE ON!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK KELLY "
View More Posts Ignore
Reply #8 - 10/10/08  6:58pm
" My dad and mom will never "fess up", I know it. But my hubby knows it, my kids know it, my friends know it. Actually the whole family "knows" dad's a perv. I mean, he got caught with a he-she hooker a couple years ago. The explanation :I was gonna drive the poor wretched soul to the police station. Believe me, people know and believe, they do. A bunch of ostriches with their heads in the sand with their fat lame asses stickinm' out! In my family, we know mom and dad are worth alot...dead. THey have alot of money and everyone wants their share. THey sit, they wait, patiently, suckin' up. I am probably one of the few that really cares (God knows why), but when their time comes and only me and my sis (also abused by daddy and is an alcoholic, meth using, sex addict)and the family realizes we are the only two in the will. Now, isn't that ironic...don't ya think??? Screw the family that has dissed you. Blood relatives are just that. Nuture the people in your life who nuture your soul. Life is WAY to fricken short! "

Add Your Advice
Advertisement


More From Around the Web