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Relationship issues after being abused
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I was sexually abused as a child a couple times by my grandfather. I felt abandoned by my real father and I was date raped by the man that took my virginity.
After those things happen I feel like I can't trust men. I don't want to. I feel like I'm too smart to let my guard down and be responsible for something else happening. I just don't see the point in relationships anymore. My parents were married for 20 years. My mother was so in love with my father even though I watched him beat her several times. My father left my family and started a new family with the women he was cheating on my mother with. He broke her. Growing up I had to be there to pick up the pieces after he crushed her. It wasn't fair to me as a child.
Being sexually abused by men through out my life has made me look at men and dating differently. For some reason I feel like I'm not worthy of a good man. I'm attracted to drug dealers and guys I know aren't "the relationship type." At least I know what I'm getting with them. I'm not ugly so all types of men are attracted to me, including a lot of "good" guys. Every now and then it depresses me when I have to be rude and turn them down. I make up excuses but the truth is I don't know why I'm so scared to be with a guy thats actually good for me. It makes me sick to know that I'm truly sabatoging myself from a potentionally good relationship.
I feel like I'm just not one of "those girls" that are meant to be with a "good guy." A happy family isn't for me and at times it hurts when I think about this. I used to want to find love, get married and have a nice family but for some reason I feel like I'm not worthy of that. I feel like I'm not meant to be with somebody.
I don't know how to change my negative thinking. I feel so strongly about not being able to have that kind of life, a good life. I'm not sure exactly why I'm feeling so unworthy. I was the victim of sexual abuse and growing up fatherless, I'm not the person that's hurt others, so why am I feeling unworthy of happiness?
Posted on 08/17/11, 07:05 pm
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Reply #1 - 08/20/11  7:09am
" It sounds like you blame yourself for what happened. Remember, you did nothing wrong. The best thing I would suggest is read about sexual abuse/child abuse and get some counselling. "

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