Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Let me answer your question with a question.

If your bf were addicted to say amphetamines (speed) but managed to stop doing it; would you be willing to do the drug with him for some other seemingly important reason, knowing it would cause his relapse into amphetamine addiction again?

Addiction is addiction is addiction no matter what the addiction and no reason nor false belief in any excuse, no matter how well intentioned can change that. Besides his relapsing into his own porn addiction you too may become addicted to porn as your future sex life with him may come to always depend on both of your addictions to porn.

Note: Watching porn simply objectifies the people in the images, it's nothing more than using those people and their actions like appliances rather than seeing them as the human beings they are. The porn industry is also objectifying the people who watch porn and all of this is one of the main reasons that porn is so easily addictive for so many people.

I would suggest you see a doctor who specializes in problems like a low sex drive after the birth of a baby and maybe some counseling for you is in order too, just to help you cope while you can see if the doctor's treatments have any positive effect.

Hi MsNadia

Although i have just sent you some details via a private message for you read, i forgot to answer the question at hand.


I promise you it is not a good idea to introduce porn back into the relationship. I will be a band aid solution, you need to get to the root of the real problem.
I suspect your low sex drive will be self esteem based. Almost all spouses suffer from self esteem issues when porn problems have been introduced into their relationships. These issues will have intensified with the arrival of your baby, as your body has gone through changes, and you grieve the loss of your once unspoilt body.
Self esteem issues along with trust, betrayal, secrecy issues that have been previously broken by the porn addict, will all be contributing factors I'm sure. That and the fact that you are probably deep down worried he will relapse, as you have seen no evidence of him quitting his addiction, other than his word.
Sadly a man giving up his sexual addiction cold turkey, without support or the knowledge, is a rare occurance. They can hold it off for a while, but lack the tools and the knowledge to deal with the real demons underneath, hense a relapse. I suspect this fear will also be affecting you.
It is common we spouses blame ourselves, but really it has nothing to do with us, we just aren't aware of it, until it has affected us in very negative ways.
If you wish to help your relationship, i would recommend you learn a little bit about porn addiction and/or sexual addictions, and sit down and have a good chat together about this. Communication is often the key.

Hey missingparts,

I greatly appreciate your advice and do agree, that's why I had this question. I unfortunately do not have any money or no insurance to even see a dr and talk to them about this, I think I have about a few dollars in the bank for myself so that is totally not an option right now =\ I, myself, do not have the addicition, i think yu thought I have that, as well? To be honest, I watched it a few times w/ him a long time ago - went alright. but other than that I don't watch it, and no interest in it anyways so yeah Lol but thank yu and I agree, it does.. and so does this society saying people have to be thin, have to have big breast, butt, all this other stuff, so I feel its' no different in my opinion it's like you can't get away from any of it.

Hey, Trina

Thank you for the info, once again! And yes... well honestly I don't see it as a self esteem because I had a very high sex drive like I had mentioned, but then after having my son I had non at all. So i'm not quite sure what's going on there. To be honest with you, my body pretty much went back to normal, yeah there's a few stretchmarks here and there, but i'm using bio oil I RECOMMEND to everybody! and yeah but thank you very much, I agree - and we'll see like i mentioned to somebody else, I just don't have the money at all to see a dr and get advice or anything! ughh it makes me angry about that. but anyways, thank yu!!

"First year was back and forth, then maybe almost a year w/ going without it he cracked. That was the last time, it has been over a year now! In July, actually :] he hasn't."

He's not addicted. He never was. Addicts don't do that.

"Well, I, of course got VERY hurt by those actions, and he eventually stopped. . .And i have a very low sex drive now and I was trying to think of something to boost it or help with me in our relationship (no sex drive since we had our first son - 10 months)"

Well, there you go. He's not an addict. You're selfish. Stop cock-blocking a man from his porn, you frigid bitch! Grow up and get a man you don't have to control.

please IGNORE both of these trolls. they have been reported and will be banned soon. thank you.

trolls being ebamuswin and honkholl in case you are already ignoring them.

IGNORE/REPORT, IGNORE/REPORT, IGNORE/REPORT.

First if he is an addict, he probably didnt just stop. He may not have made it as obvious around the house. If He has stopped, He needs to stay completely away from it. At the same time you must not be an enabler for him. You may want to do research on your own, to try and resolve some issue that you may be having, but re-entering porn into his life definately isnt the answer. I would also be a little weary about how that idea came up. was it yours? or HIs? have you discussed this with him. If he is trully a recovering addict, he knows with out a doubt that it would be a huge mistake to re-enter it into his life.