Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

it's hard to trust someone after him hurted you so much. I still have trust issues with my husband. but it does gets better overtime. it's entirely up to you. after found out my husband not only addicted to online porn. he also seeing prostitutes while he was away for business trip. it hit me so hard. for days, i can't even look at him. it drove me to the wall when i heard our little daughter called him daddy. but i came to sense that this person standing infront of me. He could be my ex anytime. but he still will be the father of my child. and i know he needs help, lots of help. i can't not walk away from a person who is drawning. so he went to serious SA therapy. i went to therapy. it's been 2 years. i had to pray so hard before he leaves for each business trip that his consious will win over his demon. every time he turn on his computer for work. and i told him good night, i am going to bed now. I hope that he is not turning too pron later..... it's hard. you are the only person knowing if this relationship is worth of saving. best luck.

Hello, I can only imagine your hurt and pain, and the mistrust you now feel towards him.
Let me enlighten you from his side. The addiction is a disease, that while it posses you, you have know controle over. Sex for us is like smoking a cigeret. We feel the need, we do it, and we through it away. It is very possible for him to truly feel about you the way he says he does. I am currently in recovery, and have been sober for 10 months now. I love my wife, more than life, but while i was under the posseion of the disease,i made choices, and did things, that didnt reflect how i felt about her.
He has chosen recovery, For that He deserves the ut most respect. How many people do you know who would be willing to stand up in front of strangers and admitt their dark secrets? The SHAME and HUMILIATION is beyond beliefe when we begin to open up.
I'm not telling you, that you should forgive or forget. I'm telling you what he says can very possibly be true. His affairs and is sexual escapdes can really mean nothing to him but a fix, and that for him to go to recovery for sex addiction is a very very hard thing to do.
May God Bless you both.

Thank you both so much. Your answers have given me strength. I talked to my BF for 2 hours today and aired a lot of my doubts and fears while listening to his. It's so tough. I feel differently now because I've lost the trust. I think I need more time to understand whether our relationship can weather this. It's just so hard to believe anything he says to me now.

here i am just starting off i dont even have counseling yet or a program but i can tell you every time i looked at porn or did anything like that, then looked my wife in the eyes and told her i loved her i felt like total garbage but i meant every word. i love my wife very much and everything i looked at meant nothing. but i couldnt stop myself

i know it will be hard to trust him but try to give him a chance, i hope soem day my wife will support me as much as you want to support him.

trust but verify

Today I believe that I am no different than all the pursued women. I think my BF gives me just enough to keep me close and that I am a just "fix" for him. He swears he loves me deeply and I am "the one." I saw him yesterday after one month of separation. The talking was tough at first, but then the chemistry kicked in and though I swore I wouldn't even kiss him, we wound up entwined on a blanket in the park where we picnicked, resisting the urge to find the privacy to take it further. He is in therapy and going to meetings frequently. What hurts is that he still could not be completely honest with me. I know he tried, but he told me some half-truths yesterday. Now I sit here knowing that this will never work. Only honesty and trust can repair all that's broken. I have to move on now. This is so hard because in spite of everything, I still love him.

Fatalprblm -- if you really want your wife to support you, remember that complete honesty is key to earning the trust again.

I can totally understand the struggle you are going through. I stuck by my boyfriend through the addiction, and then he was my fiance, and now my husband. It seems like the acting out with the addiction does get less and less with treatment, but it still hurts the same. In my case, he may not be sleeping with other women anymore....but he still sexually chats with other women occasionally, and the pain is excruciating. I wish that I had not stuck around and left a long time ago. Maybe he would have gotten better if I had left for good? Dont move forward with a relationship with someone who is an addict unless they are truly under control and as invested in their recovery.

Thanks, Blue. I appreciate your comments. I hope you find true happiness in your marriage.

I'm so confused. I think he is really serious about his recovery, but my trust is so broken. I still love him and want to work this out, but I can't be the caretaker. He has to come to me now and yet he has to be tentative. This sucks. I just want our life back and I want him to tell me he CAN be honest. He keeps adding the words "try to" in front of that honesty part. I should realize this is a real indicator that he's not fully committed, right?

Sorry you are hurting. I am there too. Unfortunately no one can tell you if the man can be trusted. What he does....not what he says...tells you if he is committed to you or if he can be trusted. So far, from what you've said. His isn't...and he can't respectively. How can anyone trust a person who has proven to be a liar...and especially a cheat too? That would be an exercise in self-deception...to me. And, how can anyone believe that someone can love you and not care how you feel or what happens to you because of their actions? What is love then? If not caring, consideration and giving...what is it? Just a word?

You see, I'm not much different from you. I have been with my H for more than 28 years....and because of his actions, I no longer trust him...but then I don't ever expect to....and I don't intend to try to...why would I? I just watch him and read his words, his body language, and the facts at hand at any given moment. I won't accept any more lying...at all...no cheating whatsoever....and no attitude either.

But one good thing happened in the process of finding his lies....I KNOW now that he's a liar...and I KNOW he's a cheat. So, no more surprises gonna happen there. I like that part.

From my personal persepective, a liar and a cheat gets a certain treatment. And, I have no qualms about that....nor it's delivery.

I learn to love peolple who treat me well, just like they do me. I learn to dislike people who treat me badly, just like they do me. So, all he has succeeded in is making me not like him....and rightly so. Fate accompli.

If someone hits me on the finger with a hammer, it hurts....and I avoid the hammer. If someone hits my heart with a hammer that hurts too....and again, I avoid the hammer. If they do it more than once, then it's deliberate in my estimation....and that creates the need to protect myself further. And I will.

He has promised me that he has quit his nonsense. Greaaaaaat! But, then, he's already proved that he's a liar and it's a little late after the faith I had in him is destroyed. And, he has done so much damage to the loving-thing that it's hardly there at all anymore. Not even sure yet that it's worth the trouble of having a past with him to remember...and even trying to relate. Working on that. He has been honest...so he says...for 18 months. Good for him. But, I have failed to want to get close to him anymore....and I'm okay with that. I expect it....the hammer thing....I expect to avoid the hammer.

Do you want to trust him? I don't want to trust a liar. That would seem to me to be against my better judgment. I have no intention of putting much trust in him at this time, or maybe ever again. Will I continue to live with him? That depends on what he does. If he treats me well, and makes it worth my while, maybe. If I see or suspect a lie...at all...on any level. Then, no, I won't live with a liar. What is there to base a relationship on then?

Some say that you can learn to trust again. I did several times with this man....to no avail but getting more deception. So, I'm not going there again. I don't want to. So, I won't. We choose to trust or not. We choose to accept injury or not. We choose how much we wish to invest in a relationship. So, my choice now is to make a great distance between us, so that if he fails on the truthing....I won't be injured much...just relieved and freed from him for all time from him and his lies.

It depends on what you want to do. You have to do what you think is best for you. How much can he injure you with lies? What impact will it have on your emotions? What will happen if he lies again? You probably need to make a plan for that, so if you are surprised, and in shock, you can just implememnt the plan and carry on. That's what I intend to do. Keep money for myself. Keep free of too much attachment. Have an exit plan in place. And then see where he's coming from.