Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

It might be your desire to be involved that caused the overreaction to the hug. Many times we are blinded by the thing that sits in front of us. Continue on your journey John and no worries when you vent.

John,

Not to make you feel guilty but what took place between you and this lady was inappropriate behavior on your part. Again, this is not to make you feel guilty but this incident should alarm you enough to see that your addiction is still calling the shots and at the moment you have no impulse control.

Thinking that you are all that and a bag of chips as they say is the addiction talking, trust me when I say that. A person with a healthy sense of self does not for one nano second think that everyone desires them, he respects boundaries and is all too aware that a hug is just that a hug.

At the present time, all you are doing is allowing the addictive mind do whatever it wants to and, of course, what ends up happening is that there is guilt after the fact but in that moment where you are allowing the addiction to run amok, such filter does not exist for you, right now.

i strongly disagree with RM82 with the assertion that there should be no worries as to where you went. I would agree in the sense that this incident should not be a guilt ridden trip but I will say that it points to something very serious which is that your thought life at the moment is extremely unhealthy as it has everything to do with sexually charged thoughts and very little else.

During recovery one should be abstaining from such thoughts and correcting such behavior so that it does not happen again, not further indulging it. The best way to do that is to avoid situations that cause that behavior. If talking to women arouses you, then do not talk to them until you can relate to them in a healthy manner, that is when you stop objectifying them, that is seeing them as a possible sexual partner.

Let's be clear, the reason why the thought of you thinking of yourself as all that and a bag of chips appeals to you is because the addiction tells it to you and sure it makes you feel good but it's all an illusion in the sense that it based on a false premise and that is that is based solely on physical attributes and that is shallow at best.

True confidence is based on actual values, such as integrity, strength of character, healthy sense of self, ability to handle rejection, knowing oneself well.

In other words, they do not think of themselves as better than anyone, but see themselves as different and operate from knowing who they are and love and appreciate themselves and that is what makes them attractive not their looks. Anytime we think of ourselves as all that, we can be sure insecurity is not too far behind.

My two ruble's worth,
Wolf

I just meant no worries when John vents..... People should be able to vent on this space when stuff builds up. I take no offense to it.

Yo Wolf,

I do respect that you are trying to help me and I am getting a little bit better with your exercises and lectures, but I'm starting to think you are kind of a know it all. First of all the lady actually messaged me back. Said it was no big deal, we had a great conversation, we kept boundaries, and we haven't talked since. My addiction wasn't or isn't to women, it was to pornography.

So tell me how I'm in the wrong for having started the process of me and the opposite sex having a healthy conversation about the negative aspects of unhealthy sex and the positives of having women in my life?

And yea you do make me feel guilty and yea that does trigger me wanting to act out. Now if you're going to continue to lecture me, maybe you can just give me the whole Angerdiet exercise and we can go our seperate ways cause every time we talk you sound like you wrote the book on pornography addiction.

You are really only helping a little bit and you being a follower of Christ (whom I think is a Great figure in the Religion of Christianity) but don't necessarily think he is God, then maybe it's a question of belief systems clashing because you give me the feeling that I get when I talk to other Christian whom are always demanding "their way or the highway."

So think about that, I've already share some VERY private and personal information with you but don't appreciate the "holier than thou" way your coming at me.

Sincerely,

John Wyatt.

RM8

I will apologize actually because I can admit I did not finish reading the entire sentence as you had it. It was early in the morning and I did not have enough caffeine in my system so I missed the rest of it. It is not an excuse, it is a fact.

I do however will say that it is fine to vent but venting to vent but no change occurring is not helpful either, would you not agree? At some point there has to be a breakthrough to move us forward, no?

Respectfully,
Wolf

i will say this.... i agree with Wolfie. saying you are trying to beat an addiction, yet surrounding yourself with it is completely illogical. you wouldn't send a recovering alcoholic to a bar every day, or surround a recovering smoker with cigarettes. and because of past interactions with John, i think he's the kind of person that needs to go into an inpatient treatment program. i think that's the only way he's going to get past this (and the other issues that he has such as anger). there's my 2 cents