Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Affirmation of the day: "I am willing to release all patterns of criticism."

This is an easy one for me, thank goodness there is an easy one...HA! I don't think I've ever had it in me to criticize another person just for the sake of criticizm. Only appears easy in "most" situations, it isn't easy in though one. I think for eons my "aim" was to be a positive affect on other's lives, an enhancement. I did have my times though when I lost it, and I did criticize. So, there's room for improvement there. I lost my cool and did criticize my H when I discovered his longterm behavior. I'm not sure I've ever been that angry in my whole life combined. I felt his behavior was highly critical of me, so I let him know what I thought about his behavior, and his attitudes that supported the behavior. And, no, I wasn't kind all of the time. I was kind part of the time. Maybe I could learn to be kind all of the time. That's a goal. I've read that if one jumps in to save a drowning person, that person is in panic mode, and is likely to drown both themselves and the rescuer. I was that drowning person. So, I wasn't kind as I usually was, I was in a total panic. Life as I knew it was over, and I was in a panic wondering how I might survive this late in life destruction. So, I was no good to me, nor anyone else, until I could get enough air to just live. That took a long time. And, in the interim, I was just struggling to survive. Is that justification? No, I guess not, there is never any justification to strike out at others, right? Even though, at the time, I felt like he pushed me into the water that was drowning me. My aim through all of this was to never feel that kind of pain nor panic again...ever. I hope I'm successful. And, I hope to never speak an unkind word to another either. Wow...that's a monumental set of tasks! Seems like the trick is to learn how to swim through all circumstances without panic. Panic seems the crux of the problem. Surity seems the answer to panic. And faith that I would endure and not drown. I was sure. And so, the panic. I hope I get how to never panic again, and how to save myself without grabbing for help. Totally self-sufficient, and totally calm.

Sheenre,

I learned that attacking, accusing or criticizing others never ends well. If you notice my approach to helping others here is to bring up how their behavior is not helping them and then show them alternatives so they can do better. However, even then some may view it as criticism but as I often say that's on them not me.

Is there ever a justification to strike out at others? You ask, well; it depends on the context, if the behavior is life threatening then you ought to make it clear that such behavior has consequences without having to attack because the problem with attacks is that if you attack back you get more of the same.

Again however, you may not attack back per se but be assertive and you still get attacked back, this is where discernment comes into play, to judge for yourself what type of action is best suited for the occasion.

The best way out of panic mode is to realize that you are already equipped to handle any situation at any time. Have faith that you will do what needs to be done at any time. The answers are already there, all you need to do is to listen to that still small voice.

Kodiak bear hugs,
Wolf