Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

jobu,

I would not say that you went blind, per se because that is not exactly what happened here. What happened was that you acquired an addiction that, of course, became an obsession as addictions often do and here you are.

First thing you need to do is stop feeling ashamed, guilty and any other negative emotion because those are the very emotions that are causing to act out. Forgive yourself and move forward.

So what is left for you to do now that you know what the problem us? Seek a recovery program such as Recovery Nation which is online and free, unless you require a mentor which can be had for a fee. A disclaimer, Recovery Nation is NOT 12 step program but rather a very well structured program designed to address all aspects of the addiction, from triggers to acquiring healthier ways to live a life devoid of porn addiction.

Contrary to public lore, it is never too late to change, that kinda thinking is what gets us stuck where we are right now. Yes, it took a loss or possible loss to get you to wake up, so let's not dwell on that, shall we?

As you go through your recovery which will include (brace yourself I'm warning you now) a 90 day total and absolute masturbation abstinence, there's no wiggle room here, okay? and you will have to remain committed to doing all the homework required, no matter how hard, no matter how painful. After all, it all we be temporary anyway.

I have fashioned a series called "Thought of the Day" to follow all the 90 days of recovery, that may help you keep you on track of your sobriety goal.

Next is this ditty, do not do this to be a better role model or because you are about to lose everything, those are not good incentives because they are based on external circumstances. If you are to recovery from this addiction do it because you no longer want to be a slave to something as disgusting as porn, or because deep down that's not who you really are, the other stuff will be a by product but they cannot be the main motivator.

You will regain the life you'e squandered until now, the quality of it will improve by far but you will not get what you had since well it's in the past. When I went through the recovery myself, I thought of it as wanting to be better than I used to be, that mindset kept me focused on getting better and two some years later, it is better than I thought, well my attitude has a lot to do with it but you get the gist.

In conclusion, will power and determination alone are not enough, it took you all this time to get enslaved, it'll take you a while longer to break the chains, so endure the withdrawals which you will have, endure the bear with a bad case of flea infestation type moods, endure the insomniac weeks, days, etc and endure all the painful truth that will surface in the process but always remember every time any of that hits you, you need to say, "This too shall pass" and it does, it takes a while but eventually it does.

Simply feel it, do not do a thing about it (act out I mean), surrender and breathe, let it go through you, in a while, you'll have that done like second nature. True that what I said above may make you cringe but like the say, anything worth having is worth working for, right?

Lastly, if I can be sober for two years and some months after 30 some years of being enslaved by it and go through all I told you and then some, so can you. It was not easy, it was not a piece of cake but it was worth all the hours I spent howling at the moon begging for the end of the madness that is porn addiction. Here I am to say, the beast of porn is dead like a door nail and I do not miss it.

Hope this helps,
Wolf

I understand what you mean by blind...blind to the truth....blind to results...blind to real choices. Once you see that, as you have, then you can choose to change it now. You can never change the past. You can never know the future. But you can choose everyday to act with honor and integrity. Now that you see, you're fully equipped to do just that. We all make mistakes, and we can all choose to learn from them and move forward to a better life and better results.

I hope you do get your smile back soon. Maybe it would help to know that we can all look back and smile at the antics of the child we once were. And to be thankful that we have come to learn a better way to live.

sex addiction has costs. but , there is always hope. you may lose some one or never be able to get something back, but there is always hope to get yourself back and later at some point you may able to make amends to the people you hurt. the 2 previous replies by wolfiepa and SheenRe are beautiful.
bBeing remorseful and making resolutions are a good starting point, there they are not enough. will power is weak against addiction. This is an addiction. it's too deep seated, entrenched into us and very baffling. It;s has been our tool and our solace to cope with reality.
The first step in recovery is to smash the idea that you can recover on your own. I know nobody likes to think they are powerless and different from non sex addcits. but, this is ironically the stating point in the road to recovery
After admitting you are powerless over your addiction, that's the nature of all addictions, be it sex addiction, alcoholism, drug addiction,,,etc, the next step is to take a program of action. there are a couple of 12 steps sex addcition recovery fellowships. you can try SAA if you want to. check out this link: http://saa-recovery.org/
you can start attending the meetings face to face or their telemeetings. you can also e-mail their website requesting a list of sponsors. they have a link in their website to request that.. There are a lot of people out there who have worked the steps and who are going to be willing to guide you through the steps. In fact, the 12th step is about reaching out to the addcit in suffering. It would be a good idea to start reading sex addiction literature as well, Patrick carnes book , out of the shadow , understanding sexual addiction is very illuminating. The Sex Addiction Anomynous has a book called the Green Book. This may surprose you, but I also found the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous very inspiring. I was surprised too when it was sugggested to me for I have never drunk alcohol in my life, but you';ll find out there are a lot of commonalities between alcoholism and drug addiction. That book by the way is my favourite, Understand also that reading the literature may be helpful but it;s not going make you stop acting out at least not in the long run. self knowldge may be good but not enough either. sex addition just like alcoholism is an allergy of the mind and the body. You are dealing with cravings beyond your control and which makes sex addicts deiffetent fron non sex addicts. your recovery will be maintained only by a program of action, working the steps, and experiencing an entire psychic change on a daily basis. It's possible. Get started if you are ready to change your life.