Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Wow i can understand your anguish! You poor thing, thats alot to deal with, with your own kids at the same time.

I'm suspecting his issues are not to do with a urology, but more to do with him recreating some warmth and security issues as a child. Does he have a relationship with his mother?, and if so, I'm wondering if there was a trauma, while he was younger? Molested even, if he also seeks porn of this similar type.
I believe this maybe a psychological issue.

I would imagine it has taken alot for you to reach out to someone for help, welcome to the group. No judgements here. Sexual acting out takes many forms, and this is just one one them. I'm not awfully knowledgable on this particular one, but will have a little look up in some books.
Either way, I'm pretty sure, therapy or counselling even for yourself, would help also.....even if he's not ready to face it, there's nothing wrong in you seeking professional help also. A psychologist may even be able to give you not only information on this, but techniques to deal with his manipulation when he wants to hold on tight to his 'comfort'.

Best of luck, and again welcome to the group :)

You are completely right that it took a lot for me to reach out. Tonight was not exactly a last straw but it pushed me further than it had ever pushed before. I am far from home so I have no support system and even if I had one here it's not like I could talk about this with my friends.

I agree that this is a psychological issue. I have a BA in Psychology and maybe part of me thought I could help him when we first met but this is beyond any scope I could have imagined. He does have a relationship with his mom. He has 3 siblings and they are all rather close in age which may be part of the issue. I have no idea. As far as I know there was no great trauma when he was younger. He did have problems with wetting the bed while growing up though.
Part of the reason he is not telling the therapist he is seeing is that he is going because of work. Not that she could tell anyone there exactly what he said but I am sure her reccomendations would sure change!

I appreciate the welcome and any thoughts you may have or find on the subject. I am praying to keep my sanity. We will see what tomorrow brings as we are going to have a talk. Thanks again!

I, too, would like to welcome you to the group. While it certainly sounds as though your husband has some psychological issues to deal with, I would not rule out the physical just yet. You said your husband had problems with bed wetting when he was younger, so it's possible the problem might be an ongoing one. My suggestion would be that you get him to a urologist for a complete physical check-up. I'm not sure what kind of tests they would do on him, but I'm sure they would be able to find any physical problems that might exist. Once they have diagnosed the problem, treatment can begin. Such treatment might include exercise (for example, Kegels), physical therapy, a drug regimen, or surgery. Once the physical has been taken care of, you can worry about the psychological.

I would echo what Trina had to say about the possible psychological issues. Childhood sexual abuse is likely playing a role in your husband's behavior, and that abuse more than likely occurred at a very early age, when your husband was still in diapers and preverbal. He is re-enacting the abuse in an attempt to make some sense out of it (this is what sexually addictive behavior is all about). Your husband has somehow confused nurturing, with sex, and with diapers. Wearing diapers makes him feel cared for and nurtured, while at the same time repeating his abuse experience.

Anyway, if I were you, that's the way I'd handle things. First deal with the physical problems, then worry about the psychological. And you might tell your husband not to worry about upsetting or shocking his therapist by telling her about his behavior. I guarantee you, she's heard much weirder things in her practice than his story about wearing diapers. This one wouldn't even rate an "oh" or an "ah" on the therapist's weirdness scale.

Hi Charli.. thanks for the welcome. I am pretty sure there was no sexual abuse. I can tell you as far as a physical problem goes my husband is hypospadial so there was surgery and things of that nature going on when he was a baby. It can lead to bed wetting but he had overcome the bed wetting by junior high and then when work got stressful a few years ago the problem returned. This is why I am pretty well convinved its pyschological. I think he would see a Dr if he felt there was a physical issue since he has gone through those types of things before.

I had expressed to him early on in our relationship my discomfort with him having this preference and that I hoped having me would be another kind of solace and comfort for him but it never really worked out that way. While we are close, apparently nothing can compare to the comfort he finds in wearing diapers. Its really frustrating. I will suggest to him to mention it to his therapist but I don't think he will tell her. I guess time will tell.

For the benefit of others on this panel who may not know what SuperMom... is talking about, let me explain exactly what hypospadias is. I hope SuperMom... doesn't mind my doing this, and I certainly mean absolutely no disrespect to her or to her husband.

Conception occurs in the fallopian tubes when the mother's ova or egg is penetrated or fertilized by the father's sperm. The mother's egg always contains an "x" sex chromosome, while the father's sperm can contain either and "x" sex chromosome or a "y" sex chromosome. (The chromosomes are called "x" and/or "y" because they are shaped like these letters).

If mom's egg is fertilized by a sperm carrying an "x" chromosome, the child will have an "x" from mom and an "x" from dad, and will be a little girl. If the egg is fertilized by a sperm cell carrying a "y" sex chromosome, then the child will have an "x" from mom and a "y" from dad and be a little boy. It is the father, not the mother, who always determines the sex of the child.

Following conception, the fertilized egg makes it's way down the fallopian tube and eventually attaches itself to the wall of the uterus or womb. Once this happens, pregnancy begins. For the first six weeks or so of pregnancy, ALL embryo are FEMALE. At about the sixth week of pregnancy, if the child is to be a little boy, the androgens (mainly testosterone) kick in and all of the female parts are masculinized. The ovaries become the testes or testicles, the fallopian tubes become the vas deferens, the tubes that carry the sperm from the testes out of the body when the man has an orgasm. (These are the tubes they cut when a man has a vasectomy). The uterus and cervix become the prostate gland. The clitoris becomes the glans or head of the penis. The vagina becomes the body of the penis. And the labia become the scrotum. ( If you will look at your scrotum, or your partner's scrotum, you will see a small ridge running from the base of the penis down the scrotum towards the anus. This is where the labia joined together to form the scrotum. Hypospadias occurs when the urinary opening is along the bottom of the penis, or all the way back against the body, in the normal female position. All of this is actually a bit more complicated than what I've outlined, but this will give you the basic gist of things.

If a little boy is born with hypospadias, surgery is usually done to reposition the urinary opening to the end of the penis where it belongs. This condition is fairly common, and I believe there are four degrees of hypospadias, depending on whether the urinary opening is located at some point on the glans of the penis that isn't the end of it, or if it is located along the bottom of the penis, or if it is located in the traditional female position up close to the body.

I believe the porn may also comfort him. Seeing other people in diapers may give him a sense of belonging, being a part of a fetish communinity. Because fetish porn is becoming so mainstream, people are seeing that they "aren't the only ones" engaging in such acts, and feel it is more acceptable.

However it creates a problem in your relationship.

Many fetishists keep theirs a secret, your husband has been honest with you about his desires for the most part. Wether you accept them is ultimately up to you. If you cannot accept this and he is not willing to change, you may have to move on at some point. I'd also like to ask you a very important question, have you discovered wet diapers on him, or are they always dry in the morning. I don't think your husband has been completely honest with you, I have a feeling this bed wetting could be an excuse for him to continue to wear diapers with a legitimate reason. The two of you are in this together for now, so Id suggest couples counseling.

I don't think he uses it as an excuse-I would say 90% of the time he is wet in the morning. There are nights where he doesn't wear a diaper as part of our agreement and on those nights I would say 50% of the time we have to change the sheets in the morning because he wet the bed. That is why even though I don't like him wearing diapers I don't put up as much as a fight as I did in the beginning because I hate changing the sheets everyday. Plus he freely admits to wearing them because he enjoys it. He also knows when our daughter gets older he isn't going to be able to continue this behavior so I think he feels like he has to get it all in now. We are working our way through it... yesterday was a rough one and I needed to vent. The stress of his job is getting to us both.

Maybe if he gets another different job, the stress will lessen, and the need to wear the diapers will disappear. Or maybe this diaper fetish has roots that go much, much deeper. I don't know. But a job change couldn't hurt. (Of course, that's a whole lot easier said than done given today's economy).

Amen to that Charli- although he can't get out of this job even if he wanted to (which he does!!!) until next November. One more year and we both are just trying to be grateful that he HAS a job that provides for our family.