Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Hi all,

This program is a Christian approach t sexual addiction, and I have no problem with that. After all, sexual addiction, like ALL addictions is basically a spiritual problem. And one thing every recovery program must, at some point, address, is the addicit's reconciliation with God (that goes for the codependent as well). But I have a bit of a problem with these kind of approaches.

All of the religious based programs I've ever seen approach sexual addiction as sin. Andd while sexually addictive behaviors ARE sinful, there is a LOT more involved with such disorders than sin, and that's where the programs of this sort that I've looked at over the years completely miss the boat.

By concentrating on sin and stopping the behaviors, such programs usually ignore the childhood abuse, neglect, and abandonment that is at the root of sexual addiction. They also pay no attention to the confused or hurtful feelings and emotions that the addictive behaviors serve to hide or bury. By not addressing either of these issues, you miss the whole point of the recovery process. You're going to the end of the and trying to get recociliation with God to correct ALL of the issues involved. And sometimes, it can d just that. But for every healing I've seen from simple confession and reconciliation, I've seen 100 people relapse, and fall even deeper into their addiction.

Now please don't misunderstand me, I'm NOT saying there is anything wrong with this program. On the contrary, iit probably works fine. I'm just saying that you shouldn't think that a program such as this one can do away with the necessity of doing the grieving and "Inner Child" or "Family of Origin" work that is central to a complete and healthy recovery. I just thought I'd point this out. For your information and consideration!!

My husband took this class 2 & 1/2 years ago. I just looked it up today and it has changed somewhat, much bigger. I am checking it out,

WELL SAID CHARLIE0217!

Hi all,

One other point I'd like to make about ALL religous based programs in general, NOT this one, specifically. We are addicts. As such, part of our pattern is to switch addictions, from alcohol or drugs, to sex, to gambling, to being workaholics. This is just the nature of the beast--ADDICTION. This is part of the reason addictions are so difficult to get a handle on. Just when you think you've figured out all of your triggers and stress points for one addiction, you suddenly switch addictions and need to start all over again.

Also, as sex addicts, it is VERY possible to swing from the "acting out" side of the addiction to the "acting in" side, to become compulsively asexual. They call this condition "sexual anorexia". We are no longer acting out, being compulsively sexual, but we are nowhere near being healthy. You see, 180 degrees from crazy is still crazy. As a part of the sexual anorexia, addicts will sometimes embrace religion as a way of trying to find new values and/or beliefs they can cling to as they try and fight the sexual addiction. And to a certain extent, it might work. But in the process, we've picked up a new addiction, we are now religious addicts!! And as much as religion will work for a while, eventually, we will be right back to our old acting out ways, and may even have escalated our behaviors. As a classic example of what I'm talking about, take a look at Rev. Jimmy Swaggart.

Please understand me. I am NOT trying to get you not to investigate this, or any other religious program. Some of these programs can definitely help one overcome a sexual addiction. I am just warning against becoming religious addicts, and thinking you are now healed. There is no way that I'm aware of that you can heal from this addiction without working through your childhood abuse, neglect, and abandonment issues, and the unpleasant feelings associated with these memories. Religious programs should SUPPORT this work, not try and replace it. Again, I don't mean to belittle this program in any way, nor it it my intention to put it down. I just thought you all deserved to understand how things work. Peace.

Charlie0217

I can kind of see what you are saying. Yes, my H is almost a religious freak now. He reads the bible all the time(and it is a know fact that Catholics are NOT bible beaters). He wants to read all about the saints etc. I guess I should say he is alot more attentive to his religion.

Hi Daisy Lover,

I don't mean to put your husband down, or to suggest that he's a religious addict. I HAVE seen people healed by a true religious or spiritual conversion. It happens, and I'm not going to say otherwise. And I have seen Catholics have a real encounter with God, and then begin reading their Bibles daily. (Although I do agree with you. The Bible doesn't seem to have as central a place in Catholic's lives as it does in the lives of a lot of Protestants).

All I'm trying to do here is warn people that we have a tendency, as addicts, to switch addictions. Dr. Patrick J. Carnes, the guy who wrote "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction", once said that there are three (3) kinds of addictions, three (3) addiction paths: those that pick you up, those that let you down, and those that are mystical. The reason sex is so great is that it works on all three of the pleasure centers or addiction paths of the brain. Religion can do the same thing!! It is very easy to switch from a sexual addiction to a religious one.

If you are interested in a very balanced presentation of sexual addiction, one that looks at not only the psychological side of things, but the religious as well, I would suggest you get hold of a book titled "The Secret Sin", by Mark Laaser, Ph.D. Mark is a clinical psychologist, as well as an ordained United Church of Christ minister. For many years, he worked with Dr. Patrick J. Carnes, so he brings a very unique perspective to the subject. You can order the book from AMAZON.COM, or you can check with the folks at Hazelden: (www.recoverysuperstore.com).

If you don't know about Hazelden, do yourself a favor and check them out. The place was originally founded as a treatment center for alcoholism. Over the years, it has expanded to include drugs, eating disorders, codependency, and incest/childhood sexual abuse. They also have a spiritual renewal center on site which rivals anything else that's out there. The publication arm runs the bookstore, and they have 1000's of books on every aspect of recovery you can imagine. In addition to Mark's book, you might want to take a look at some of their daily meditation books for women. Their daily readings a VERY short, usually taking less than three minutes to get through. But they are always direct and pertinent, making an important point about recovery. I've used my meditation books every day for the last 20+ years. And the day always seems off kilter until I read my meditations.

That's about all I've got, so I'll close for now. If you have any questions, or if I may be of any further service, please let me know. I'll be happy to assist you and/or your husband in any way I can. Thanks for your time, take care, and I'll chat with you a bit later. Peace.

Charlie0217