Separation Anxiety Support Group

I am friends with my ex boyfriend. I am 18, and he is 25. It doesn't feel like it is a bad thing, I think it's great we are getting along, but sometimes it feels weird to me.

There was a situation between us where we started dating on Valentine's day of '09, and we were together for 4 months. He broke up with me in May. What happened was when we were dating we were happy and inceperable. He was the first relationship that was a serious one, and it was great to finally have him at the time after 3 years of suffering dating questionable people dealing with the unnecessary situations that have come with that. But what happened was we realized that we were falling too hard for each other, and it was a long distance relationship by 2 hours. We felt that the distance wouldn't inhibit anything, but I had problems with my father taking my mom to court because he wanted custody of my siblings and my siblings didn't want to live with him. My mom had to dedicate a lot of agonizing time and money, and it prevented all of us to try to genuinely be happy and sure of things. On his end he acknowledged how he is a bum for his age, because he owns a crappy car, works in a textile factory, and still lives with his parents, so he simply didn't want to bring me down with him and his insecurities of not being sure of what he wants out of life.

The break up hurt me because we were very close, and it was painful that he just given up on me. But what saved us was I was invited with him to go to a wedding that was a friend of his. It was my first time being a date to a wedding, meeting a lovers whole entire family, and even just sleeping next to someone. Following that, he is also the person that took my virginity. We had a great time together and the trip was amazing. When we got back from the trip I did get in HUGE trouble with my parents because I didn't call them for the whole week I was down there, they weren't pleased to figure out I wasn't a virgin anymore. I did learn my lesson, but I had valid reasons for making those mistakes. It's just that since I turned18 my parents have made it hard on me to try to be my own person, and all my life I've had to deal with my mom giving me cake but not letting me eat it whole, so though there are many interpretations of that, in blunt terms I made a mistake that have changed things for the good, but I have to fight to prove it better. I still wish till this day I could live with him, but coming back to reality, I don't know what to do.

What the problem is, when we are together in person it's amazing. Everything is about us and there is no further complication about it. He's always going to be everything and more to me. When we are away from each other thats when it's challening because I don't know what he's doing. I've learned to accept the fact that anything could happen until we can physically see each other again, and that my emotions and what I really want (obviously taking him back) may never even happen at all, or I simply have to learn to not let it consume me in some ways and just keep it on hold. Take things as they come.

Thought I had felt lately I had an advantage because not too long after I told him I didn't want to talk to him for awhile after the escapade of him hurting me ( I was hurt because I learned we still had to be exes and even though we were close, reality sank in. I was also hurt to learn in certain ways he wouldn't change. He's a very logic kind of person and I'm emotional. Look it up if you like horoscopes. I'm an aries and he's a vrigo. lol) he got into a car accident and he had a pretrial about it the other day, and I feel I have an opportunity to show him I can be well grounded, more "logical" myself. Also to just be good company when I call and see where that gets us in the future. Even though we know a lot about each other and we've done what we've done I want him to see me differently and I want us to get on a fresh start, and depending on the progression deal with them as they come. For better or for worse.
I'm still focusing on myself and what I have to do that is right for me in my life. I'm focusing on college, car, work, friends, and even trying to date other people because I know I have just as much of a right to freedom as he does. I know better than to "wait" on him. But sometimes it's hard to not be a little over analytical due to the circumstances.

I'm glad we get along and that we still acknowledge we have feelings for each other still, but until I can see him or something along the lines happens, how can I cope? I can't help how I still sometimes think about him and sometimes my hormones can be bothersome thinking about him, my emotions are hard because of the closeness I have with him, and in the beginning my strategy was to just deal with life in general and fight the spell of dwelling but it's hard sometimes. Any thoughts or opinions?
Posted on 10/09/09, 07:10 am