Separation Anxiety Support Group

My younger niece went through this with my mom (her grandma). My mom took care of her during the day while her mom worked. And even when I was there to help watch or visit her, she would freak out if my mom left to run a quick errand. She was really attached to her. I think it was just her personality type, as everything else in her life was so constant. And even after her mom picked her up & took her home, she'd call my mom to tell her she missed her.

In your granddaughter's case, though, it sounds like she may possibly have fear of abandonment, especially if her biological parents aren't exactly constants in her life. If there's been a change in caregivers over the years. You mentioned you've had her since she was 1 & a half? Sometimes they remember these things and it tends to violate their sense of trust & security. Or I could be wrong, of course. In any case, it doesn't hurt to constantly repeat that you will be back, specify what time, give her a special watch to time you, even explain to her the sequence of events. That seemed to help my niece some. ("You're going to stay here with Uncle Joe. Pop pop & I are going to watch a play. The actors are going to dance on the stage...and I'm going to tell you everything they did as soon as I get back. As soon as the show is over at 8 o'clock, we are going to drive right back home, and we will be home by 8:30...) or whatever your plans are. I know it's hard. It might help you to also address her fears & ask her why she's so nervous about it. (I'm sure you probably have already). But just constantly assure her that you are coming back (specify time) and that you will ALWAYS be back. Always. It's usually toddlers & kindergarteners that go through this. So that's what makes me think she may be having abandonment issues. They will pass, but it may take a while.

Thanks. Do you mind me asking, do you have separation anxiety? (Since you are in the support group) Maybe we're not suppose to ask, so I hope I'm not out of line and forgive me if I am. I just would like to know from someone what this feels like, what happens inside, etc. to help me empathize with her. Thanks.

I don't mind you asking at all. Yes, i had major separation anxiety as a child when I first started going to school. It was horrifying. I'll send you a message later & tell you about it if you like. But I overcame it & moved on. But lately I've had to revisit my old issues when I started sending my 3 yr old to preschool, and when he'd cry, I'd fall apart. I didn't want him to experience what I had experienced. We always try to shelter our kids from what we've been through if we can prevent them going through the same thing. But his case was not nearly as severe as mine. Mine was complicated by other issues as well. He's better now & so am I. I'll message you later.