Separation Anxiety Support Group

I'm not sure of the circumstances that led you to raise your granddaughter, and I don't know what other complications your/ her situation involves, but I can say for certain that the thing children respond to the most is routine & constancy. Establish your routine everyday (breakfast at 7:30, school at 8, homework at 4, dinner at 6, etc) and also set aside a little bit of time everyday to ask her about her day & offer encouragement & support when needed. Show her that you are interested in her and her activities & her thoughts. That goes a LONG way with kids, especially young girls. As long as you have your routine and you stick to it, that will provide her with a great sense of security. And as long as you show interest in her activities & thoughts, you are encouraging her to come to you independently as well, without necessarily having to wait for a cue that it's ok to talk to you. I do that with my niece. (She just turned 12). Whenever I talk to her about the stuff she's interested in (cheerleading movies, cute actors, etc) that makes her trust me & come to me with other stuff that's on her mind. She shares things with me that she might be too nervous about sharing with her parents. And I think it is important for children to have someone in the family that they can talk to, whether it's mom, aunt, grandma, or whoever. I'm sure it's got to be hard if you are just starting this new arrangement with your granddaughter. I'm sure you have tons of concerns. But as long as you are there for her everyday, just know that it will all work out. Just by having you there, she will feel safe, I'm sure. Soon you'll find her coming to you independently to share things. I hope that helps.

Yes, it did help. I am her only constant female. Have been since she was 1 1/2. Others come and go. Dad's girlfriends and bio mom particularly. I appreciate the reminder about routine and schedule. And to remember to have some quiet time with her just to chat . Not be telling her something or talking at her but just a comfortable time where I do show interest and listen, listen listen. . Thanks again.

One thing that helps build trust is discipline. It is scientifically proven that children crave discipline. I dont mean hitting and yelling or anything like that. What I do with my girls when they overstep boundaries and they get disciplined (whether it is a time out or a tap on the behind)-after they calm down-I sit down and ask them if they understand why they got a punishment. Most of the time they say something completely opposite of the actual reason. So I then explain, you got a time out because you didnt listen. I am the parent and you are the child and you have to understand that my rules are the rules. Then they understand what it is they did to warrant a punishment instead of feeling like they were treated unfairly. I even give them time to explain their side. Usually after they hear my reasoning, they end up apologizing or saying that it makes sense. Not all the time...sometimes it is all buts!!! One thing that I do (that my grandmother did to me) is make my 7 year old write punishments....for example...if she threw a ball in the house or whatever...have her write 10 times, I will not throw the ball in the house. My daughter hates that punishment, but it makes her think about what she did. Another thing I do if we are in a store or she starts to get upset when I say no is to start out by saying, I understand that you want....candy, to stay up late, a toy or whatever it us...but right now it is no. I understand you feel bad or sad but it is what it is and it will happen at another time, just not now. That usually works because I am relating to her current emotion. I read about this technique somewhere and it really works. The key is to try to make her understand that you sympathize with her feelings but are also standing your ground.

I hope these tips help you!

Thank you. yes it does help. Sounds like a good method to keep myself from over-reacting as well. And what child doesn't need to practice writing - besides getting the message into their little brains.