Senior Health & Aging Support Group

Hi Betsyl, You are going thru a rough time and I have been there. My mom passed at 71 and my dad at 84. They had always been so healthy and seeing the aging changes was so troublesome. I lost a little son, and years later, my husband at 46, now my 46 yr old son is not well and I'm trying to care for him. We have good conversations and laughs, and I go about doing what has to be done each day. Keeping busy, talking to friends, helps me. I have 6 cats; I read you have 10 and one dog. They keep you busy. I love to hold my kitties. It helps. I pray and read scriptures which help me so much. Even still I have so many bad days. But I hold on to the truth that I can get thru this one day. One day at a time. I try to focus on the good times. Now at 70 with many health problems I discover I have little thought of my own declining years. I am reasonably happy. I'm sorry to ramble. My heart went out to you when I read your message. I'm glad you still have 2 parents... God bless you and them. Evelynn

honey growing old is just a part of our lives. my dad turned 93 last sunday. he is in a nursing home because i could not take care of him here any more. it is a very hard thing to go through as they get older. now i see him laying in his bed like a small child, nothing left to him. but i have all these wonderful memories of him and my mom and i try to remember those as i visit him. he was a wonderful dad and those memories will live with me forever. i wait for the phone to ring every night and am thankful in the morning that he has made it another day. i know deep down that his time is near now and it hurts but i know that he will go to a better place and join my mom. i dont look at it as death but an end to a life that was well lived. spend as much time with them as you can and tell them you love them and hug them as much as possible. those things will keep you warm and keep them in your heart forever. God bless and make the most out of everyday that you have. you will be glad you did. hugs sweetie!

hubble, i am sorry for the loss of your family at such an early age. my husband has lost most of his family very young also. however, i think we all deal with life and death in a different way. the loss that one feels is different for everyone. the backround of people dealing with their elderly parents is all different and some are still very connected with them even though they are aging. it is hard to give up that input that our parents have always had in our lives. i dont think that Betsyl is obsessing about the death of her parents, more so i think she is already feeling the loss of them now as they age. again i am sorry for your loss it is tragic that you had to live through that. when my dad passes on to join my mother, yes i will grieve for him. do i think of my last parent leaving me, yes. but i dont think that we obsess about it, just wonder what lies ahead in the future. God bless sweetie.

I don't understand what happened in this post. It shows that there were 7 replies; however, I only see 3 and there were a couple from someone Hubble and now they are gone and I received a somewhat criptic note from Hubble that says - "Don't worry; I'm leaving this site. Only one last word,-think before you go around correcting others when you obviously haven't read the initial post." What is this all about??????

My name is Betsy, too. I am almost 51 like you. And, my parents are age 83 & 78. I have been going thru exactly the same feelings as you. It feels like I am reading my own story here while reading your post!

My mom was also very energetic & active. But, she had a stroke & has severe COPD. My Dad has heart problems. I honestly never imagined how difficult this time would be for me as I worry all the time about losing them?

It is heartwrenching to me to watch them age & realize they will be gone one day.

So, you are not alone.

Please feel free to message me to talk anytime.
Hugs!
Betsy

Geez, I am also aging fast! I meant I am almost 52 like you! I am 51 - was born 9/14/1956.

Betsy

I also take antidepressants partly because I have really been down in the last couple of years. We actually up & moved back to my old hometown where my parents live just to take care of them. I had moved a couple of hours away to Atlanta when I was only 20 years old. I don't like being back here, but I would feel guilty of I did not live here during their older years to help them. I guess we are not alone? Looks like others are also dealing with similar situations.

"I worry all the time about losing them?" This is so me!!!

Recently friends of my parents have begun passing away and yesterday, my uncle (mom's sister's husband) passed away - and now it begins.... one by one.

Now, regardless of whether this has been a healthy relationship (some people would say I have never 'separated and indivuated'), but my mom and I have been tighter than tight for my whole life. To this day, I talk to her and my dad multiple times a day and even now she is the one I go to with everything. There is not one thing I have not told her in my life. Granted many people would think my relationship with my parents (mom, particular) has not been a healthy one - but it's the one I've had.

My folks had 4 kids - my brother, Stan, who I have tried to have a relationship with, but it has been surfacey at best and we rarely talk, my sister, Leslie, I have not spoken to in several years (too much to go in to in this post - another support group - :o) ) and my brother John who I idolized, dead. So, the other thing I have realized recently, that when my parents die, I am going to be so alone - no parents, my mainstay in life, no sibling relationships to keep us going. I just feel so lost and envision feeling completely alone without a single connection. That's scarey.

Now you guys might be thinking, that I should have grown up a long time ago and created strong sustaining relationships outside of my parents and that I should realize that death is part of life's journey. However, these forums are supposed to be where we can share without fear of judgement. I feel no other place I can do this.

Thanks,
Betsy.

You wrote, "My parents' major issues didn't start until they were in their 80s so I am sure it is that much harder for you to deal with now." How ture this statement is. I remember years ago a friend saying that when his folks turned 80, that is when the decline started to take place. I have recently made that observation, as well, once my folks entered their 80's, the aging really kicked in. I wonder if there is a big 'switch' at 80, that get turned on and one's body and mind start slowing down. Can't we stop this - aren't we all powerful - :o)

I am new to this group but this is a god send. You are the answer to my prayers. I have recently found it necessary to move my mother in with me. She is 84, mentally alert as she can be at this age, but has Post Polio Symdrome.

She was always an independent woman and did things herself. She can no longer do that and believe it when I say this is harder on me than her.

Watching my active mother age is the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. I am not well myself and having to care for her and watch her going downhill is making my depression so much worse.

I feel like I am slipping faster than she is. he pain of watching my mother slip away is the most painful thing I've ever been through. How do you handle this?

I need someone who is going
through this to help me cope. I am just not prepared for this saddness.