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This community is intended for senior to discuss senior dating and sexuality, and the specific issues that arise for seniors, such as starting over as a widow or widower.
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Dating with health issues...
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Okay, time to liven this group up! LOL!
I have an issue with dating and I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. Here on this site, I belong to the MS and type 1 diabetes group as I have both. In the past two years since being dx'd with MS, I have been on dates and tried to get dates with women who have no health issues such as mine. I run into the same story every time with "healthy" women. They either refuse to go out because I have MS, that or when they do go out with me and see me walking with a cane or a bit wobbly, they right away say they want to be "friends only". Refusals for dates and "friends only" are two things I rarely encountered prior to my getting MS. Now, it the rule, not the exception. Feeling a bit ostracized from the "normal" dating world, I have been dating women who also have MS, just like me. The downside to that is the women I have dated that have MS, too, have been reluctant to begin a relationship because they fear their own future health issues and how long before MS makes them "not good for anyone". As this group is a mix of people, some with health issues and some without, this seems the appropriate place to pose my question. Why are the "healthy" women I have encountered so down on those of us with health issues? I guess I don't understand why they say that they don't want to be with someone whose future heath is uncertain. One of my comments to these women is that at least I'm not a ticking time bomb, I know what I have. I explain to them that a ticking time bomb is a guy who has a some instantly fatal condition and has no idea he has it as he appears perfectly healthy, now. The guys with major undiagnosed heart problems or an aneurism just waiting to happen. So, here I am at the age of 57 and all the healthy women want is a man near the same age but with the health of a 20 year old. Why is that? Are most healthy women that shallow? Prior to my dx with MS, I dated more frequently. The curious thing I noticed was that pretty near one in four women that I dated were already widows in their mid 50's. It's pretty obvious to me that, most often, men do not live nearly as long as women do. With my own health issues, I hope to go on for many years yet. They may put a crimp in my lifestyle, but they are not fatal and don't make me one of the ticking time bombs. So ladies, why the reluctance to date someone who has known health issues whose future is no more or less uncertain than anyone else? Posted on 08/26/09, 10:08 am |
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I am not one of the Ladies, but I have thoughts on this subject too.
I have long ago created this scale that goes like this; People start down-hill at 30 We start feeling the aches and pains by 40 By 50 we all have some form of serious health issue And we never grow younger or healthier ever after. And it is real that Women go through the change of life between 40 and 50, and all people (male and females) all have health problems by 50. You do have some serious conditions, but other people have worse. Serious mental illnesses and I myself am on SS disability based on 3 separate physical injuries, and there is widespread STD's and heart disease and smokers or drunks, so I honestly doubt that you or we are ever dealing with healthy Women or friends near our age range. Most people just do not tell. That is how I view it. 
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Hi Bobby! Long time since I've seen you on here. Recently, I have had three guys who used to really like me come in to my life. Now that they see I am on oxygen, I get the same reception from them as you get from the women. I just see it as they were only in it for themselves anyway, so that's okay. Getting involved like that would probably just do more harm than good. I would love a companion, healthy or sick. I am just in an isolated situation right now and so I am just sticking to my studies and going it alone. I am always here to chat Bobby. Hugs
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Hi back at you, Essie! I'm pretty much here now every day with the weather getting cooler outside. Aren't "healthy" people something! My cane and walk is like your oxygen bottle. Once someone "healthy" sees it, "*poof* they're gone!
I'm pretty much living the same as you, resigned to going it alone. I have enough things to do to keep me busy, so though a relationship would be nice, I keep my mind off of what I cannot seem to find. Oh well!!!
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Hi,
Are you still around? I find with my problem the same is for me. I am on oxygen. Same story as you Bobby. I would love an answer. Hugs
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Yep, still here. I don't know why people who are currently (and I stree that word currently) healthy shy away from those who do have some sort of heath issues. It's wrong and we all now one thing for certain, no one stays forever in a healthy condition. I think this is one of those situations where what goes around, comes around. For the supposed healthy people that won't have anything to do with anyone who has health issues, well, it'll be coming around faster than they think!
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Well, some people are shallow, but not all. Some men and women are reluctant to enter into a relationship with known health problems. Not everyone is. I think if you take it slow and let someone fall head over heels in love with YOU, it won't matter what your health issues might be. If they fear they are being pursued as the first element of "Nurse or a Purse" they will run the other way.
So maybe being online is a good thing? Women will have a chance to be charmed by your intelligence and personality, or whatever are your personally best attributes. It's not the same as meeting a gaze across a crowded room and striding purposefully up to a woman to introduce yourself but heck....work with what you've got! Women who are looking for someone truly wonderful will be able to look past the "wobble" to appreciate you. You just don't have the large numbers of possible partners now that you did as a young adult. None of us do!
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Hi,
You are so right Softly Speaks but it is hard to hide an oxygen hose, if you meet someone. You all seems so sweet I would love to meet, wouldn't that be fun? Hugs, Lacie
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...or...it's hard to hide that one walks like a drunken sailor!
We should all meet Lacie? Yep, that would be nice! But how many of us even get out of our homes?!
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I haven't thought of that BobbyJ. I still drive and do some shopping, but I am limited with how much I do or how fast I go to get anything done. We can still talk or write. I am glad to have met you, it is very hard to get anyone to understand. Thanks
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