What is Self-Injury
Self-harm is also known as self-injury (SI), self-inflicted violence (SIV), self-injurious behavior (SIB), and self-mutilation, although this last term has connotations that some p...
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I am 19 years old and have been cutting since i was 12. i have tried stopping many times and its just not working. right now im cutting about 4-5 days every week. I am currently seeing a psykiatrist but i really hate her. all she did was adress me seizure disorder, then she took me off my anti-depressants cause of my new meds for epilepsy, told me i have borderline personality dissorder and then told me i was fine and she would see me in 3 MONTHS. I dont think that is right at all. but the problem is that i cannot afford to pay to see someone and she is the only one in my area which is free cause its through a mental health clinic. i dont know what to do. i seem to cut more and more as time goes by. what should i do?
Posted on 07/02/09, 02:07 am |
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Alisha,
First off I want you to know that everything you are experiencing is not uncommon. While your feelings and experiences are unique to you, they are similar enough so that others on this site can relate, connect, and understand pieces of what you are going through. I am very sorry to hear that you do not know what to do and am lost for direction, but we are here... for as many times as people have not been there for you, let us be here that many and ten times more. I am 22 years of age and have been a self-mutilator since the age of 14. Eight years I have been tormented by this "disease." Though fear not for there is always a path, a direction. There are several methodologies you can utilize to start decreasing the frequency and intensity of your cutting "sessions." Some of these are slapping rubber bands and squeezing/applying ice. These are the nicotine gum/patches for cutters. A huge thing is to just live each day as one day. Do not think about yesterday nor tomorrow, just today. Cut not for this day. Think of only this! And once today becomes yesterday, tomorrow becomes today, try it again - cut not for this day. And when (not if) you cut next do not feel bad that you went X number of days/weeks/months without. Know that you actually went X amount of time without cutting... and it is that which is the accomplishment. Not whether you actually cut, but how long you can go in between. Just remember that right before every time you have or will cut, every single moment, you had/will have a choice. The power of choice is always present no matter how strong the urge. And of course if you are in need and I am online, I am here. - Steve 
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Can you not ask someone at the health clinic if there is somebody else available or if there is a different one that maybe you could travel too?
Its worth a try
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You need to tell her about all of this. This must be really confusing for you. She sounds shit. But i know where you're coming from about having problems paying for a better one.
If you can't do it face to face how about writing her a letter and sending it to her? That way you can get everything out and not be interrupted or made to feel like you are wrong. You can re write it and make sure it addresses all of your concerns.
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