What is Secondary Infertility
"Secondary infertility" is difficulty conceiving after already having conceived and carried a normal pregnancy. Apart from various medical conditions (e.g. hormonal), this may come...
Join Now
|
Today I decided to live!
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I have been trying to concieve since May 2005. But today I decided to live. When I look at my life everything revolves around me conceiving and having a baby. I am asking GOD to allow me to carry life in my womb, however I am not living the life I have. My sexlife is not for fun but centered around days 9-14. My calendar is centered around fertility procedures. I wake up in the morning with a BBT thermometer in my mouth and go to sleep praying and dreaming about a baby at night. I went to the end of the internet and discovered every fact and myth about getting pregnant.I have begged and pleaded with GOD. I haven't bought any new clothes thinking that "this is the month." I cried so many times that I honestly could fill a lake. Not to mention the strain it puts on my relationship with my DH. When I go "there" my husband sends me text that says "Couples Retreat" to bring me back because he does not want our marriage to go down that path; and that is pitiful. If you have seen the movie then you will understand.
But today I am claiming my life back and purging. I am going to fight every urge of being depressed and jealous of others who are pregnant. I have go to move forward. I know it is going to be hard. But I can not be consumed by this anymore. The hardest part is that I packed all of the maternity clothes that I have saved and put them in the car and tomorrow morning I am donating the to a battered women's shelter. Somebody could use that blessing (and I had it packed away in my closet). I am going to have that glass of wine:), I am going to start a gym membership, and I am going to live again. Today I feel lighter. Posted on 10/30/09, 05:10 pm |
| 8 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I can really relate to what you're saying!!
Im right there with ya too :) xoxo 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Wow you are amazing. Honestly that sounds like a good idea. In a way i guess i started to live this week too, It is just so hard on US. People who have'nt gone thru this just don't understand. It's just not that easy to just be hopeful and seeing all those pregnant women ALL OVER THE PLACE LITERALLY. sO Yea i am with you , lets start Living and Let GOD. :)
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I am so happy to see you feeling empowered. That can be a really hard place to get to. I wish you showers of blessings and happiness. I am here if you need anything. You are inspiring me right now because I realize that a lot of what you said is true of me too. So thank you for that.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Good for you.
It must have been hard packing up all your maternity clothes, mine are still under by bed in a bag, I'm still hoping. I hope you have many more happy days ahead, but you know where we are for those rainy days that you might feel again too x
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
That is so inspiring! But, what got you to this point? I feel that I am on that edge..but I can't quite get there..I think infertility has literally taken over my brain and I have no control over it.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Besides when you do get pgd you will want to buy all new clothes. I got rid of my clothes 4 months ago and just thought, oh well. When it is my time again I will buy new stuff. It was really a good feeling to let it go.
When I am jealous or down, it helps me to think about what I already have at home. My son and DH. Without them I would be nothing. It helps knowing that there are a lot of ladies out there that do not have that gift at home and have not been blessed with a child, not even one. So that helps me get through the down days.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
How did you get to this point? That is where I need to be. I've been actively undergoing fertility treatments for the last year and a half and have now decided to stop. In the last month I have been crying almost daily and feel broken every time someone tells me they're pregnant.
I have the best husband and daughter and am so grateful for them. Why can't I just be happy with my life as is?
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Good for you! I've been trying to get that point for a while but I still haven't quite been able to get rid of all the maternity or baby clothes in the basement.
At first I thought keeping up hope was a good thing but the constant disappointment month after month gets really old and depressing after a while. Maybe I'll have to think about following your example and find them a good home....
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Reply |
