What is Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a mental disorder characterized by impairments in the perception or expression of reality and by significant social or occup...
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going nuts
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im loosing my mind and everyone around keeps saying im psychotic, loosing touch with reality and they dont even know half it.
feels like everyones against me and i have to win against them, i fallow what gavin in my head says. i mention it on here and people say go tell a docter but they dont get the battle of gavin telling me not to let them win. why dont get that gavin is real even though he is in my head, he is stuck in the room in my head, he isnt me he is in that room. he not like out here in life with me, he aint no imaginary friend. i get angry over my past of abuse and then gavin kicks off too and he winds me up and makes me worse. i have only had gaving staying for last 3-4 months, i started uni a year ago and i got really suicidial and like yeh... then a month before my exams i stressed and gavin took over to help out. i only told two friends from real life, and some people on here but i cant let people hurt me and let them win. driving me nuts. i have to see the psycharist again because they think im not just bpd anymore. driving me fucking nuts. i keep doing stuff i know in my own values i shouldnt do but i get convinced its a good idea, then once it done i hate that i had to do it. i get people to hate me and whoh i dunno cant think properly. i told my friend the room is front left my head and she wants me to go get a brain scan because she thinks tumours and stuff but it wouldnt be, its just that gavins there. i hate getting on everyones nerves, but he makes me love it too.sometimes i think ohhh crap what am i doing and other times i just dont care Posted on 10/11/09, 01:10 pm |
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Most people can't understand voices. They are parts of us, our subconcious, yet at the same time, not really part of us at all. They are relentless and unforgiving, they do not follow moral code or social standards, for they are limitless. They will batter and overload with so much that it seems like it can't be taken anymore. I know how you feel, I had two voices that did this. It's very hard to get help and seemingly lose the battle. Yet, in the end, you win even more by overcoming the voices. For without help, you can never win over the voices, and that's how they like it to be. They dangle you from strings like a puppet, using whispers and coaxes to move the strings. Voices love to be in power, they love control. I know it may seem hard but you have to get some kind of help to win the power struggle against Gavin. He's controlling you, setting you up in a world of his own creation where he tells you that without his help you will lose, that you must win. But with him controlling you, you can't truly win. I want you to WIN. :D 
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Have you ever consider a holistic counselor? Are you a spiritual person? I have a somewhat similar feat that I face but for me I've had it since the age of three I'm now going on 26. Mine try's to push me to be strong because I have lived a hard life since I was born. He can be down right nasty when he wants to move me and get a point across. A lot of people would have said similar things to me if mine didn't give such good tarot readings, and warn them about things i couldn't of possible known (threw my personal friend)-this has been my only saving grace in my battle with my experience.
While I greatly suggest working with your doctor is still a priority, holistic counselors can touch on a more personal note with what Gavin is saying to you and clarify it for you with out making it a difficult and stereotypical experience for you. I know what it feels like to experience something that to you is real and interacts with you in that manner but at the same time is painful because no one else can relate because they can experience it -its an awful feeling you start feeling angry hateful and resentful of others and life.The labels get aggravatingly painful from others who can't relate. Try looking up a holistic counselor this might help balance your relationship with Gavin and help him respect your boundaries while helping you better understand where and why Gavin is there to begin with. :) Also keep a journal write down what he says and how you feel about that type of thought form-don't acknowledge his statement or agree or disagree with him just analysis it wonder what that topic means to you and what it reflects in your life and share your experience with the holistic counselor or counselor if you wish. If you have any questions feel free to ask me:)
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