What is Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a mental disorder characterized by impairments in the perception or expression of reality and by significant social or occup...
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someone, anyone...HELP!
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i posted this in my journal too, but i want to see what others have to say about it. okay, so a couple nights ago i stayed with a good friend. it was soo much fun. and it was some time i needed. but...(theres always a but, ya know)i kept hearing the voices...my friend knows about them, but id rather her not like...know im hearing them around her, ya know? right now, im crying, pretty hard. all because i dont know what to do for myself.i want to help myself, but i cant seem to find a way...trying not to cut is still a hastle, but im able to distract myself from that...but my schizo is getting worse, even with my meds(i take risperdal)...for a few days, ive been seeing this faceless man. hes dressed in black and carrying a bloody knife...he just stands....facing towards me...sometimes hes behind me...but i see him there...i feel him there, i hear him breathing, i see him...everything. i want him gone. the voices i hear sometimes scream at me now, and it makes me cry almost instantly. i dont know what to do about it, and i cant see my pdoc till the 14th of july because shes on vacation and i dont trust any other doctor. she doesnt know about my cutting or anything, she specializes in schizo. im just so sore and exhausted from flinching all day. from my keyboard changing shape to swarms of bugs flying around me that werent really there. does it ever end? how much longer do i have to suffer before i really can get better? the only reason im still here is my best friend...hes what i live for...and now because of all this fucking shit i might not be able to even see him this summer. im so sick of having to schedule my life around my mind! so sick of it! well now im basically sobbing, so i guess ill conclude this rant. if im ever going to get better, i better get a sign of it soon. or im going to end up in a hospital or worse. i dont know how much of this i can take before i completely fucking snap....and my family's not fucking helping, not like they ever did. in their eyes im worng about everything. they say im not schizo, i just talk to myself in different voices and make friends by coming up with shadows. they think cuttings just a phase and that i just do it for attention, even though i hid it from them for almost 2 fucking years. i have NO support where i live. even my friends think im nuts. sorry...im just so...messed up... any advice at all...?
Posted on 07/02/09, 01:07 am |
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im sorry this is so hard for you right now. I wish had the answers t just make everything stop to give you a break. Unfortunateky i dont have any answers. But i can offer you a little advice.
You ave your appointment on the 14th right? Thats, 12 days away. Less than two weeks. You gotta just face one dayb at a time, and get through one day at a time, or one minute at a time or one second at a time, but each second, hour, day, is closer and closer to you being able to discuss this with the one peprson you can trust. I know it isnt much, im sorry. But think aout how you felt yezsterday, and now your one day closer already. Then when you get to your app, dont be scared to tell your pdoc. she can only work with what youn give her to work with. I hope things start to look up for you. In the meantime, try to stay as relaxed as possible, because the more stressed and worked up you get, the worse things get. M 
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thank you. im trying :(
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im also sorry your having such a diffecult time i dont know that i have the answers either but i suspect you are being very hard on your self and maybe its spilling over into other areas i only say that because i know that is something i myself do i dont really know your situation but i have seen some out of the ordinary things and believe they are projections of our own mind and cannot hurt us the important thing to remember i think is we have much more power over the way we feel than we give ourselves credit for unfortunately this thought alone may not make it any easier it may take alot of practice it seems to me you have alot of awareness in recognizing you should have more support systems in place from your famuly and doctors and in my oppoinion you should (in a constructive yet firm way)encourage them to do a better job the fact that you are active in seeking out for yourself things that will help is it seems to me , evidence that you care about yourself and really only want to help, and not hurt yourself you seem like a very above average intelligent person who is under alot of pressure maybe if you can continue focusing on healthy ways to relieve some of the pressure i know youve probaly heard that before but just focus on things that will really help
i sincerely wish the best for you goodluck
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thank you for the suggestions, ill try some of that,
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You know whats going on in your life. Don't let others medle in you trying to get better. These things you see or hear are real to you. Study up on cutting etc. your self. A change in meds. I tried all kinds of medication you know and finally found one that works. We are all with you. Hang on I call the national talk line.1-800-273-8255
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Is there a crisis hotline/team that you can either call or have come out to you. They just come out and talk to you. It helped me get through the night. Just a suggestion.
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I remember when I was first diagnosed that I would use so much energy trying to hide myself. Finally the correct medicine and a good nights sleep worked wonders. Peace
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ever since i started seeing/hearing things, i knew they werent there. took me a good few months, but i finalllyy stopped reacting to their presences outside my body. inside my mind there was a raging war between me and whatever else seems to be up there. but outside my body, i was fully calm. admittedly, people do notice that i stare off into space alot of the time, and once when i met a friend of my grandmother's, she thought i was autistic after a while. 8 more days till i see my pdoc. yay! but this also most means new meds, new eval, and a bunch of other stuff. how exciting -.-. not. but im hoping to get all the stuff to stop.
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just take it one test, one appointment, one minute at a time.
I am the same as you with regard to my reactions to voices etc. Unless the room is really really quiet and a voice comes from nowhere and yells at me, then i jump, but apart from that, i rarely react. the only other real time i do is when i get so frustrated when they wont shut up then i yell at em to shut up, but that is rare, and never works anyway, so i dont bother mostly. When i see things that arent there, again, it is limited as to when i will react. I know what i am seeing is not real, because it is more often than not, slightly transparent, or jut a shadow, so i know it isnt real - but when i drive and hallucinations jump out in frint of me, sometimes i go to brake, but before my foot can even reach the brake, they are usually gone. It more scares me than anything. This information isnt much help i know, but i thought that from what you said, you might relate a little. So you dont feel so alone in this. I hope the upcomming appointment comes around quickly for you.
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