Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group

Hey Sarah...it must be incredibly frustrating, dealing with that all the time. I don't know if I'd call her on it, just because I don't like to deal with confrontation, if I can help it. If she's not someone who can just sympathize, or help out, perhaps it's best to simplify the medical stuff - just say, "eh, having an off day", and leave it at that? That's my stock answer I give to people I don't know well. Strangers get the "I'm fine" response. True friends, folks who can lend sympathetic ear, or someone who can help (docs, nurses, etc), will get the details.

As for your illness. Can you get checked out by community health stop? I am concerned for you if this is something that keeps recurring. Hugs, Lisa

Hey Lisa,

First off, thanks for the advice, it's appreciated!

What do you mean by a community health stop? Do you mean like a walk in clinic?

I really can't afford the tests and procedures required at this time to make that kind of diagnosis. And I make just a little too much to get free care from say Planned Parenthood. If you know something or have other ideas, please share!
thanks,
Sarah

Hey Sarah it must be very frustrating. I don't think I would call her on it what would be the point anyway? Maybe she doesn't even realize what she is doing? It will probaby just make you feel worse. I am sorry you are not feeling good. I can only hope you feel better soon.

oh my goodness you sound just like me an my mom. even though she do have problems and i have always always listen every time i say something is wrong with me it has happen to her or something similar. or she will just start talking about her self. a few times when i have called to tell her about my upcoming surgeries she would say nowww what is wrong with you? my mom is not the huggie emotional type or even sympathic but always wants us kids to hear all her ailments she say she dont talk about her self that much but us kids no she do. for me what i start doing is not saying anything is wrong unless i cant hide it in my voice cause we dont see each other my parents live in a different city. but my goodness you have describe your situation as if it was me an my mom. i know she loves me and would do anything for me but its like when the attention isnt on her and somebody else is sick its like wait a minute what about me didnt yall here me say thats happen to me to. i would just let her have her momemts i dont even think its worth saying anything you have us her at ds so you can tell us what you cant talk to your mom or anybody else about. i know i do.

What a bitch!

Sorry, I don't mean that about your mom, per se, but the situation just aib't right, and it keeps on happeninging. Sorry about that, Sarah. I wish you could make it all - including the past - unhappen.

I agree with Lisa on both counts: not confronting and skipping the details. However, what if you stumble onto somehing where she's really got something to say? Maybe, you just keep what you're doing and gently probe. For example: "I had no idea you were experiencing that, too. What are you doing for it?"

Me thinks she's controlling, and will always be so, which is a shame.

With regard to Chrohn's, diagnosis is sometimes dificult with or without a doctor, and treatment is relieving symtoms, anyway, or so I've heard. Do you have any ideas of where it is (ileum, colon, both)? I just had a colonoscopy today, and I expect it will be fine. It was useful for diagnosing ulcerative colitis, 9 years ago, but not for Chrohn's.

I hope it's something that you can more easily deal with. BTW, my ulcerative colitis was treated successfully with sulfasalzine, and I read somewhere that it can be used with Chrohn's. Maybe a possibility?

Good luck, and best wishes always,
doug

Thanks for the responses guys,
Yvette, you totally get it. Yeah if the attention is not on her then she wants it! Especially when it comes to health problems...it's the weirdest thing!

BC,
I've tried Sulfasalazine in the past. I'd rather not do that again because it caused stomach pain for me but I might be willing if I was on the right birth control that would work with that...diaphragm perhaps. Sorry to get into details.

What part of the colon? Umm...well I'm guessing of course. But I would guess that it's that section that goes from the stomach to the intestines is the main bother. Other than that, I'm not sure. My bowels are never regular, never the same color, never the same shape. It's like, "ooh, what did I get this time?" lol. They're not the same time either, it's ever changing. It's not like my diet changes so I can't figure it out. Sometimes I get this feeling that part of my intestines work, and the other part doesn't. It's like I can feel things moving, I go for a bowel movement and then nothing happens. Or something happens and then it stops, as if my intestines got tired, should I say, "pooped out?" Oh it's terrible. But as far as what I've read, it's barely noticeable compared to what other people are going through with Crohn's. Hopefully it won't get much worse.

BC-so no more problems with that?

As far as my mom goes. - I confronted her. I came back and read all your responses and thought, "oops." Oh well. She said it wasn't a competition. I think I will tell her that if she has some health complaints, that if she would just complain about them and not wait until I complain about something, then I'll know it's not a competition.

I actually try not to complain but when she asked me how my weekend was, how was I not going to tell her that I didn't do anything except lay in bed because I was sick? I'm thinking though perhaps in the future I will just say, "it was fine" and leave it at that. If she presses, "didn't do anything. it was fine" and hopefully leave it at that.

She always claims she sick but she doesn't take anything. She doesn't believe in drugs or supplements....which to me, sorry, but to me that means you don't have anything wrong with you! She's also had tests done and she's fine. She may have some heart issues and when she complains about that, I know it's genuine because no one else has those issues! But she's not willing do do any intrusive tests or take medicine for it.

Thanks again to all of you. Hopefully in the near future I'll get a diagnosis so I can better know how it might be treated. Until then I'm giving Aloe Vera juice a go. And man it tastes awful!
Hugs,
Sarah

There should be name for those type of people "Thunder Stealers", no, thats not right....hmm. OH! I know

HYPOCONDRIACS (did i spell that right), they are more than that though. What comes to my mind is self-centered, self-loathing, NOT TRULY ILL!!!!, etc.

Hang in there Sarah, but as much as I would love to tell you "FIRE AWAY", its your ma. Moms are tricky when it comes too telling someone to shove it!

I think despite the anger and hurt inside you, be the better person in this scenario. I suggest writing the letter but never sending, burn it up and watch it disipate into ash.

What I usually do with people like this is pummel them with question, acting as though concerned and then I rebutt them with facts and watch them squirm. (Evil maybe?) But it works, and the more times you put them in the hot seat, the less they whine or try to overshadow your feelings.

Try this first and see if it works. If it doesn't and the torture becomes unbearable, talk to your ma face to face and try to do it when your the least furious.

I hope this helps, and thanks for all your notes and well wishes too about my brain crap.

DAWN

Sarah,

I just started looking into malabsorption syndrome as a possibility to why I seem to be having metabolism issues. I'm early in looking, but the surgeon who performed my colonoscopy (and EGD) this morning, said diarrhea is always a symptom.

I looked at Chron's a little years ago, when I had UC, then just glanced off it again, the other day, looking at the malabsorption thing. I asked where, because most cases are situated in the ileum (end of small intestine) and colon. If you haven't already done this, try a steadfast and consistent diet for a while. Same thing, same amount, same time, and see what happens with bowel consistence. If you need to, take something like metamucil AND a stool softener. If you get consistency, then vary your way back to your standard diet.

Maybe you have some kind of obstruction(s), if it seems like parts of your intentestines are working. Try this: someime (maybe 2 hours) after a meal, lie down and massage your belly. Press gently in concentric circles, starting at your belly button, progressing outward. Then, massage your colon. You know the general position; if not, look up a diagram. Starting at the ileo-cecal valve, move along the colon in a clockwise manner, applying gentle pressure. If you feel a spot that seems like it's constricted, spend a little extra time there, varying pressure or applying some vibration. The spots most likely to have constrictions are the corners (hepatic and splenic flexures) and the Sigmoid flexure, where the colon extends to the bowel. You'll be amazed at how this will free trapped gas, and help your colon move stuff.

My primary thrust is pancreatic process, but I'll take note of anything I think might be useful, as I do my research. Good luck with this. My mom and bowel and colon issues all her life, and I had no idea what she was going through until I began to experience the same.

And, no more problems with ulcerative colitis. That was in summer of 2000, treated, as I mentioned, with sulfasalazine, and in Februray 2001, I was diagnosed with seronegative RA, and treated with the same. UC inflammation can manifest in joints, so I'm pretty sure they were related.

As I said before, what a bitch. This stuff is all too compicated for my liking.

Best wishes,
doug

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH. I mean it. My mother does the same thing. "oh my ears are hurting too." "oh yea my back hurts too" "oh yea i have really bad constipation too" I'm sorry it gets so aggravating!!!!
But sometimes my mother tries to diagnose me with something worse.. its like she wants me to have something bad for my reason for being even sicker.. if she starts doing that I don't know what you should do.. even I don't!

but i really really really hope you know whats wrong I'm getting scared for you.. best wishes that you find out whats going on.. and I would confront her only if she can handle that type of stuff.. best wishes
Christine

Sarah, just tell her about your Priapism. Tell her it's a cell dysfunction, which causes pain in your toes, and lasts for hours.

Then at this year's family Thanksgiving, when she tells everyone all about how her Priapism lasts for days at a time, maybe ... just maybe ... she'll stop trying to out-do you when the jaws hit the table and the howls begin to roar.