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shh! why do we have to keep silent!
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My family & friends act like i need to keep my ra to myself & never talk about it.
i usaully dont but if i have a really bad day & they ask me how was my day. and so I will relpyI say not good i was in bed all day. they roll their eyes then the competition starts! & they say i had to take a tylenol pm to even sleep. then it goes on and on and on. But I cant say one thing! Then one of the inlaws had elbow surgery acted like he was so bad. they gave 800 ibuprofen. so before surgery he throws it at me & said have you heard of this? its the big stuff. I just looked at it & said yeah i tried it, it didn't work for me. then we goes in for surgery & there is just a little inflamation. so they just cleaned it up & sent him home. Why can everyone else go one about aches & pains? I feel the there is a shh! a silence. we have to act like everything is fine to please everyone else. people will say . I have arthritis in my pinky. my another inlaw will stop in mid conversations, and go ouch ouch ouch!! see my arthritis is really acting up in my finger. see almost everyone has it. so i just shut up and smile and nod my head. if i did that mid conversation or anytime.oh the comments would fly. does anyone else expreirence this & the competition that they play? Posted on 07/02/12, 03:47 am |
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I recommend this: Stop saying you have arthritis. Tell them you have an autoimmune disease, you are required to take chemotherapy, biological injections, or what ever YOUR list of meds are. Then say, if you don't really want to know how I feel, then don't ask!
Then you can come here and vent. That's why we are here! 
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yeah i get the same crap. just about word for word.
i find most people think they know what RA is but have no clue .
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I feel like this, but sometimes I feel like it's all (or at least partially) in my head. There are, of course, the people who have no idea what RA is and just hear the "arthritis" part of it and think it's no big deal because lots of people have arthritis. But there are also people that genuinely care, and I think I'm convincing myself that they don't want to hear about it, when they've never actually said anything to that effect. There's also my immediate family, who know how serious this is and are trying to be in denial because they don't want me to be this sick and in this much pain, so any time I mention it, they try to change the subject, but I know that's because it hurts them to hear how much pain I'm in, and not because they don't think it's real.
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I've been REALLY surprised by this sort of thing. I haven't had the competitive stuff, aminly because I just haven't said muc after the first few comments I got. Relatives who are quite medically/scientifically savvy have said they hope I'll be off the prednisone and mtx quickly. Dear friends have said, "Wow. Bummer." Then, nothing. The only people who get it at all are a friend whose sister has had it for decades and a couple of people who have it themselves. I'm of a mind to not even mention it anymore. I guess if I end up in a wheelchair I'll have to come up with some sort of story, huh?
Your inlaws sound particularly unkind, by the way.
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When anyone other than your doc asks....how do you feel today?....they don't actually want to know.
Prime reason why people in nursing homes never get visited. No one wants to know anothers pain and problems. We all feel as if we have enough on our own plates. This is why therapists exist! At least they do listen! Learned a long time to ago to say nothing unless I know it's someone who actually cares....and that may be hubby and doc and others with Ra. Thank heavens for places like DS! Jenny
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OMGOD Yes. I have been thru all of this w/ family, friends, and hubbie.
I lost a lot of friends over it bc I decided that if they were NOT willing to really listen to me; they were not real friends to begin with. I wld rather have several friends that really listen than twenty friends that don't really give a rip. This disease is NOT for the thin skinned or weak hearted. Having been diaged 2.5 years ago w/ RA and chronic fatigue syndrome, I have written 3 articles on my website that deal w/ this very topic. If you are in interested, you can read them at the address below. Namaste~~ Remember you are on a JOURNEY. And the journey IS SACRED. xo Sun http://www.chronicfatiguehealing.co...
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I stopped saying I was diaged w/ RA and that I was diaged w/ an autoimmune disease.... until one person said
OMGAWDDD!!!! YOU HAVE AIDS?????? plzzzzzz
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tbh I am bored to my eyeballs talking about it. I never do and would much rather just crack on with my life. Also I just don't want or need the vindication for others to know exactly how I am feeling (I think this is part of my personal i.e. subjective RA evolution). Lately I've been thanking my luck stars - some of the poor folk at the infusion clinic I attend have much worse autoimmune conditions than me!
rofl sunvalleygal, har har ;-D
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fwiw my older relatives are the same as you describe becsue... my only conclusion is that it must happen to us all once a certain age is reached!
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I agree they hear "arthritis" and their hearing stops there. It's difficult for everyone to understand there is a major difference.
Here's a conversation with a relative of mine: Her: "My doctor said I have crippling arthritis." Me: "You have rheumatoid or osteo?" Her: "I don't know," (and shrugs her shoulders.) Me: "What kind of tests did he do?" Her: "Oh, he didn't do any tests." Me: "What kind of medicine did he put you on?" Her: "Oh, he didn't put me on any medicine." Me (silently in my thoughts) "Seriously, are you for real? Were you born stupid or did you have to study and take a test?" I totally enjoyed everyone's comments on this post. I sat here nodding in agreement and laughing at the same time!!!
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