What is Rheumatoid Arthritis
Rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is traditionally considered a chronic, inflammatory autoimmune disorder that causes the immune system to attack the joints. It is a disabling and painful ...
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RA has destroyed my life
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I am a 34-year-old, married mother of 3. I have been on a downward spiral for the past year. I have had persistant joint pain for years without being properly diagnosed. I am now to the point that I can't work, can barely walk and am in constant agonizing pain. My joints are so stiff at times that I can barely move. We are on the verge of bankruptcy and my husband is ready to divorce me. I have a great doctor and he has me on several medications. Most recently it has decided to attack my cervical spine, which my doctor is very concerned about. I would like to talk with someone who is going through the same problems. No one seems to understand what I am going through and I desperately need advise on how to overcome the anger and resentment that I feel regarding my situation. Not to mention that I am scared to death that I am going to end up filing bankruptcy and losing everything in my life (and then what). How do I fight back??? My husband blames me for our current situation and thinks that I am a lazy bum. I feel like I have no control over my life and my body anymore. I spend all of my time trying to manage my pain and just be able to do normal day-to-day functions. I am constantly fatigued and can barely stay awake during the day. My number one priority over everything else is just taking care of my kids. No matter how much pain I am in or how much stiffness I have I refuse to let this affect me being there for my children. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am losing everything in my life from this disease and there is no way that I can fight back. I can't even work right now and I don't know how I am going to pay my bills. I refuse to be a victim of this disease, but I am not even sure if I have a choice in the matter. If anyone has any advise for me or encouraging words I would greatly appreciate it. I am in desperate need to communicate with someone that can relate to what I am going through. I feel all alone!!!
Posted on 10/12/09, 04:10 am |
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Wow! I will definitly add you to my prayers, miracles do happen. Our God is a great God! 
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I agree with michsolo, our God is a great God and really He is the only one who can help any of us. I was in terrible pain 2 years ago but I am much better today. I have taken lots of medicines and am now on Humira, Methodtrexate, Prednisone, Celebrex and Lortabs. I know that sounds like a lot, but believe me it is no where near as much as I was taking before. I can promise you that if you will work with your rheumatologist you will start to feel better as time goes by and if you will turn to God, He will see you through this awful time.
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I want to say I will be thinking of you and saying prayers. I'm not sure who your doctor is or what medications you are on, but I would hope that he/she is constantly monitoring your progress or lack of progress and adjust those medications accordingly. I'm having a very difficult time getting my inflammation under control and I see my doctor every 2 months for her to monitor my progress.
As for your emotional pain, I cannot begin to tell you what you need to do. We have all been through the valley of despair at one time or another. I'm sure some worse than others. However, You have found a group of people here on this board that are warriors. We vow to not let this disease rule our life, but vow to battle for every step we take. One thing I would advise you to do at any given opportunity. REST. You spoke of your fatigue. That is your body crying out for the opportunity to heal itself the best it can. I know you want to be there for your children, but remember that the quality of time you spend is far more valuable than the quantity of time. As for your husband. Has he been to the doctor with you? Does he have some understanding of the disease and what it steals from you? Do some research online. There are people even here on this board who have written some beautiful pieces about how RA makes us feel to share with their loved ones. Just know that the sun will come up again tomorrow. Please stop beating yourself up and start taking care of yourself, first. You can't possibly take care of others without gaining some strength. I encourage you to come here to DS. I'm here almost every day as are many others. Just hearing how people are progressing and how they are coping is a real support to me. May God be with you - Caroline
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I am so sorry for what you are going through. This disease can make one feel very alone and helpless. What meds are you on? A DMARD or biologic? Have you tried prednisone? I hope you are seeing the dr. atleast monthly til you get on the right meds. There is hope. You have to tell yourself that there is. Dealing with this whole thing can cause great anxiety. I went through a lot and stil do. But after I got on the right meds, I am better than before. And you know, you will never be able to explain what you go through to your husband. They just don't understand. No one does unless they go through it theirselves. Especially men!! I am saying a prayer for you. Keep trying to be hopeful and take one day at a time. erica
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I just want to say welcome and give you lot's of hugs. Just know that you are not alone. This is a great place to find others who have been down your road and truly understand. I hope that you will be able to find some time and read a bunch of the posts here, hopefully it will help a little. (((((hugs)))))
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I hear you, and you are not alone. I am in my late 30's, and my disease has cost me much so far. It is like feeling out of control, and that is the scariest thing of all. Having a progressive disease, we have no idea where we may be in 6 months, 6 years. I know this may sound cliche' - but hang in there! Material things are only that, and your health is the most important thing in your life. I encourage you and your husband to see a therapist, who can help give you needed emotional support and help him understand how scared you are. Here is one of my favorite mantra's - print it and post where you can see it often!
If I feel depressed I will sing. If I feel sad I will laugh. If I feel ill I will double my labour. If I feel fear I will plunge ahead. If I feel inferior I will wear new garments. If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice. If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come. If I feel incompetent I will think of past success. If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals. Today I will be the master of my emotions. The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms timidly, and struggles to the light amid the thorns. When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. ((((Heather))))
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Before I was diagnosed we field banckrupcy, lost our house, moved to shack that was over priced. The roof blew off during a big wind. The landlord didn't fix it the the rains came. The mold caused my daughter asthma to get real bad so we found a place to move to. She ran away from home and I didn't know where she was or if she was going to graduate that year. Shortly after it was Christmas and the new landlord wanted us to move out in 30 days so her friend could move in. No place was available until the 1st of the year so went through a evection over being 3 days late from moving out. My husband shut down. He hardly came home. He went back to drinking after 12 years being sober. I moved to a house with the neighbor from hell. He was a nut that loved to complain to the authorities. False claims to harass you. First call came 12 after we moved in and at least one a day for the next 6 months. He even tapped our phones, went through our mail and socked me on the internet. We moved again. Another nightmare that lasted 4 months. My husband lost his job right after we bought our own house again. My business was audited from the IRS and I now owe $70,000 because they are stupid and theifs. I sold my business because because of RA and times being bad. We have almost lost the house a few times but we are hanging in there. We fought a lot about who fault it is. I think we just had a black cloud following us. We still have all the bills. For some reason I am not stressed anymore. Things seem good. I am sure things will be good for you again.
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I have felt what you are feeling, and I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please know that I will pray for you. I would like for you to let your doctor know about all these things going on and ask if there are any resources in your area that could help with any of the problems. Also you could go to a disability lawyer for a free consultation to see if you can file for disability. Ask your husband to go to the doc with you and see if he will read some of the posts on here. Don't give up and don't feel alone because we are all here for you.
Laura
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I know where you are coming from girl and I send you all the best and positive thoughts ... I think all of us who have RA are kindred spirits of sorts, and I know first hand how hard it is to deal with the pain, but you have to put yourself first, then others. Rest throughout the day as much as you can, take the meds the Dr prescribes for you, get your husband to read webpages like http://www.springerlink.com/conten... and http://www.ra.com/
I hope you find the answers you seek and the peace you deserve... Peace be yours, Viesta
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Hi Angie. I can't pretend that i've ever been anywhere near what you are experiencing. I am sorry to hear about all this. You are not a bum. You have a horrible disease that shows no mercy to anyone. I can only tell you we are all here for you. Please come back often. You'll always find us here, anytime, any day. *hugs*
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