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WHY am I being SO STUPID?
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I'm scared. There, I said it. I'm STUPID. There, I admitted it.
I have spent endless time since my diagnosis, in September 2009, educating myself on every possible aspect of this horrible disease. I've had the nephrectomy. I've watched a good friend die from this. I have kept up with most of you on here, whether I posted or not.
So WHY am I running now?
Last week I began having all the same symptoms I had 2 and a half years ago, when I was diagnosed, operated on, and declared CANCER-FREE. What lead to discovering it then, was having symptoms of what I thought was a urinary tract infection. Well, I am now in the throws of the exact same kind of pain, and discomfort again. Is it back? NO, it cannot come back! But why am I SO afraid of going and getting it checked out? I KNOW how UTTERLY STUPID it is to ignore it. But, I am SO DAMN SCARED.
I've been SO lucky. Maybe my luck has run out??
I just found out today that I am going to be a grandmother again in December. I HAVE to be here for that. Right?
I've been SO blessed, especially compared to so many on here, who have been through SO MUCH WORSE than I.
I'm ranting. Sorry. I just felt like I would blow up if I didn't get this out.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
You are truly wonderful people. I know you will kick my butt into shape here.
Posted on 04/23/12, 02:54 am
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Reminder: This is a support group for Renal Cell Carcinoma (Kidney Cancer). We trust you will do your best to remain positive and helpful. For more information, see our rules of the road.

You may also create your own Member Groups where you can moderate the discussion.
Email me when others reply to this topic help
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Reply #1 - 04/23/12  10:08am
" Good Morning Hon!

You rant all you want. That is one of the wonderful things about this site. Each of us have our times when we need to "get it out"....and everyone understands.

PLEASE see your doctor asap! If anything is going on, the sooner it's found the better. may very well have a UTI and need medication for that. I've found over the years that the "not knowing" is the worst!

I'm always here for you if you need a friend. Please keep me updated, and take care of yourself.

Ingrid "
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Reply #2 - 04/23/12  10:57am
" Bev, No-one is going to kick your butt here because we know how you're feeling. I would be scared, too
Please see your doctor and find out what is going on. I do hope it is an
Keeping you in my thoughts,
Congrats, too, on being a grandmother again in December,
Love and hugs "
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Reply #3 - 04/23/12  6:56pm
" My Dear Bev,

of coarse you are scared, and how you feel is very understandable Bev, but what it all comes down to is you do need to get in and get checked ASAP.. It may be nothing or it maybe something and you know this disease inside and out how fast it can turn into something much worse each day you wait.. One thing you know you have is good instincts and you will always carry the fear of this rotton cancer coming back, but please don't let this stop you from getting a check up right away.. You have good chances as this being a urinary infection or just some other infection so you need to make your health your # 1 priority here.. Even if it is back Bev, you know you have chances as to having surgery where ever it is and also become once again cancer-free but by waiting it could become to late and i don't know how you would get through this.. You need to turn the negative thinking into telling yourself i can do this and look at alot of the people here, including Tim, he is going on 5 years in Aug, this is a a true miracle for us.. The options that are out there today are endless with treating Kidney Cancer, so you must never think this is a death treat to you it isn't please beleive me Bev..
I know you are scared, hell i would feel just as you do, but it's time to get rid of the fears and make the next move.. I would never lie to you Bev, i know whatever happens you will be as strong as my Tim, as i have had to be in supporting him and so many others with this disease and thier spouses who support them completely..
You are a very important women in my life since day one, i love you with all my heart, please, please, seek out the medical attention you need.. You and only you can do this and i trust that you will get this attended to as soon as you can..
Please keep me updated Bev, you mean so much to me..
All my love, hope & faith are with you,
Becca "
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Reply #4 - 04/23/12  7:16pm
" You guys are the absolute BEST people I could ever turn to at a time like this. I am SO GRATEFUL for each of you!
I am calling to reschedule my ct scan tomorrow morning. I think they will be able to get me in by the end of the week. Then I will go from there. Becca, you are SO right, and SO wise, as are you other two women who mean so much to me. I AM strong, and I WILL do whatever I need to do to tackle this.
I love you all, very much, and appreciate your support more than you know,
Bev "
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Reply #5 - 04/23/12  7:31pm
" Dr Bev,

yes, you are strong my dear friend and thank you for updating us all here.. You will see that the results are not anywhere as bad as you fear, and whatever the cat scan shows you will be ok, no matter what.. Please keep us updated here, we all love you Bev and care so very much about you.

Love you and all my very best for good results..
Becca "
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Reply #6 - 04/23/12  7:36pm
" Becca, I will keep you posted. Prayers are SO appreciated. I love you too! THANK YOU! "
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Reply #7 - 04/23/12  10:54pm
" We would all be as scared, and we all understand. I am glad you are getting the ct done. please let us know, we are all here for you and sending prayers.
Annette "
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Reply #8 - 04/24/12  11:24am
" Dear Bev, Believe me when I say that most of us believe in the phrase " Ignorance is bliss" for a second on this journey but the reality is that we have to monitor our bodies closelyt forever and take any actions we need to survive the longest! I am glad you are handling your buisness and please stay strong and keep us informed. Best wishes! "
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Reply #9 - 04/24/12  2:25pm
" K, I am set for the scan for this Thursday.
All prayers greatly appreciated.
Thanks to all of you! "
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Reply #10 - 04/25/12  9:36pm
" Will keep in my prayers. My only daughter is expecting her first child in Nov. I had my kidney out last May and now cancer free but live in the fear it will come back and miss out on birth of her first child. You are not stupid or alone. Will be thinking of you Thursday.

Jean "

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