Rape Support Group

What you do or don't disclose to the school sounds like something to discuss with your therapist, as much because he's experienced in your professional community as because he's your therapist. I suspect there are tradeoffs, but being only a lowly B.A. in psych and not familar with the politics of PhD programs, I woudn't know.

One thing to think about. When clients are triggering you, you need to be especially self aware because the potential for destructive counter-transference is huge. At the very least, it sounds like you need to have someone available that is willing to help you reflect and separate counter-transference from an authentic response to your clients. The question is: is that the role of your therapist or your clinical supervisor or some third party?

Beth

One more thing I'd like to add: I think being aware of counter-transference issues and taking responsible measures to deal with them (including if necessary recusing yourself) is *more* professional not less.

One potential red-flag to me is your reason for not wanting to quit: it "feels like I'm letting all those men control me again". If I were feeling that way, I'd be very concerned about control issues creeping into the counselling process itself. Not wanting to be controlled can easily flip into needing to control, especially when one is in a position of authority or feels fear. Needing to control someone I'm trying to empathize with doesn't generally do much for the quality of my empathy or my ability to create an open space where a person can find their own truth and healing.

In counselling your help is *always* mediated through your psyche, no matter how much expertise you bring to the situation so the normal rules of "separate self from work" that apply to other professions need to be accounted for differently.

Beth

Do you have a mentor you can talk to? Or perhaps you can request a different group/site without necessarily telling your story?

Elisheva makes some good points. What does your own counselor have to say about this? I understand what you're going through. I went through a similar situation recently (not exactly psych, though), and my therapist's advice was that I should recuse myself in the best interest of the client. If I was unable to cope with my situation but trying hard to hold on to it because of trying to look professional or for fear of failure, or whatever, that's not really fair to the client & it would be best to let someone else take over who is better able to give them what they need. That would be more professional, I think.

I hope that helps. Sorry you had to be triggered again and are stressing.

i'm in graduate school as well. i'm getting my master's in english lit, and i actually had to miss a class because the text dealt with similar issues too much. i ended up telling my professor the truth (sans details, of course), and i'm glad i did. my opinion is that professional life doesn't necessarily mean having to eradicate yourself from it. obviously try to keep your personal struggles at home for the most part, but i think something of this magnitude needs to be brought up.
on the other side, be make sure they know to keep it private if you do choose to tell. there is nothing worse than getting pitying looks all day from everyone you study and work with.
(just an opinion, obviously. as elisheva said, a therapist would be much better at helping you reach a decision on this.)

Thank you all for your comments and help.

In terms of what my therapist says... I just started meeting with her so we haven't gotten really in depth with it. I meet with her on Thurs again. What she's said so far is that sharing it with my supervisor would be professionally appropriate when I'm ready and comfortable doing that. The therapist actually went to my school and knows about the politics and the consequences that would come about if I disclosed this. She didn't think that was necessary right now. If I tell one professor, I tell them all. There is no confidentiality, everything is shared between faculty. They meet and talk about us on a regular basis.

About recusing myself and/or requesting another site... Can I quit? Yes they can't force me to go. HOWEVER... there will be consequences. I am registered for my practicum just like a class. At this point in the semester, I cannot just drop my practicum without withdrawing from the entire semester (which includes 4 other classes that i've worked very hard in). Dropping practicum/quitting will extend my education by a year as i'll need to repeat this practicum. And I can pretty much guaranty that i'll be brought before my school's board and have to explain why I quit. Additionally, it'll reflect horribly when I go to apply for internship. Now I'm not saying I can't or won't quit. There are just consequences to doing so. (And all selfish ones... as many of you reminded me to consider how my clients are being affected by all of this). It is also incredibly unlikely that I can get another site. I tried to do this in the spring when I received my placement and was told it was not an option. I didn't disclose my personal history at the time. I requested to have something more closely related to my interests. At my school, you don't challenge things and asking for a new site would be challenging it. I can try again. Thats what my best friend says to do. Ask again and vaguely share that I have this personal history that conflicts with the population I'm working with and hope for the best. I still don't know what to do but am leaning towards that. :(

What your friend suggested sounds reasonable. You can do that. I would hate to see you lose a year over this.

Don't worry about coming across as selfish. You need to take care of yourself. Whether that means getting out of this situation without looking back for the sake of your own sanity, or whether it means staying in there but putting in minimal effort, being distracted & paying the least amount of attention, it's all up to you how to handle it. (How many therapists aced every course?? And how many are really that competent?) No one can judge. Good luck.

Think of it this way... if you had recently lost your partner or child or close family memebr, you would not go and put yourself in a situation where you were doing bereavement therapy - because you are aware of your issues, your limitations and your own hang ups, you will ultimately be a much better therapist that someone who doesn't have that insight. It's ok not to be ok with everything - everyone has a point at which they draw a line and say no, that's too much to deal with, and for all sorts of reasons. Don't think of yourself as a failure, think of yourself as a success - think of this in the context that you are a strong, amazing, beautiful person who now has the power and esteem to be able to respect herself enough to say when she is uncomfortable and to get herself out of the situation that is making her feel that way. This is not failure - it's progress, it's healing.

I hope you make the right decison for you, whether its to continue in your current practice or to change it. Take care of yourself at this difficult time x

HI,
I'm also a psy major, in themaster's program for counseling, and have similar concerns with my experiences. My own therapist knows, but I haven't gotten to the practicums yet. But I am worried about that, too.

HUGS
Dljwriter

Reading this post gives me chills wondering if the Ft Hood Psychiatrist Massacre might have had problems with 'being triggered'.

Have you folk considered a trade where the stress might not be as acute with your personal life history ?

Please for God sake, ask yourselves," Why am I doing this ? "
Please come to the realization life is not all about you before you enter a position of helping others. Everyone deserves help, even predators.

Tom S. in Tn.

From what I know about this field in the UK ethically it sounds like maybe you do need to find a new placement because your own experiences are getting in the way of how you are able to support your clients. I'm not saying this will alway be the case, as some people have already said your personal history will one day help you to emphathise with your clients in a way that people without similar experiences would have to work a lot harder for.

Again in my experience the good counselling courses in the UK (and I don't know about clinical psychology so that may well be different) would expect a trainee counsellor to be in personal therapy before they start seeing clients and would respect the students integrity if they were able to be honest about clients that they are not yet ready to work with because everybody has some clients that they find more difficult for personal reasons. Rationally I would question if you are at the right college and encourage you not to rush through your course, you will get more out of it if you do it at your own pace.

But then the slightly unethical side of me wonders how long do you have at this placement? If its not long maybe you can manage and if you are not ready to get to the bones of this with your counsellor yet maybe you can start to look at it here?

Whatever you decide to do good luck and I hope I didn't come across sounding judgemental in my response, that wasn't my intent,
take care,
L