What is Rape
Rape is, in most jurisdictions, a crime defined as sexual intercourse or penetration without valid consent by both parties. In many jurisdictions, the penetration of the anus or th...
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Nightmares (((trigger)))
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I was sleeping over at my boyfriends house last night. I woke up screaming...
I was dreaming about the rape. How he had the knife to my throat, whispering in my ear to keep quiet and he wouldn't hurt me. How he told me not to cry, and that he loved me, but since I broke up with him it had to be like this. How I was so terrified that I could do nothing but shake and hold back screaming. His dad was upstairs it would have been so easy....But he had a knife...and I couldn't fight that. why didnt I try? Posted on 11/01/09, 09:11 pm |
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I am so sorry that you went through this and that you had such a horrible dream about it. Don't ask yourself why you didn't scream for help. The guy had a knife to your throat, i am sure you were scared for your life which is why you didn't scream. It was self defense and looking back at things it seems so easy, but deep down you know that it wasn't. The point is is that you survived it, and you are here to live another day because you didn't upset him and make him want to kill you. You are right, you can't fight a weapon. Hind sight is always 20/20.
The guy is good for nothing pile of crap who should die, don't let him control you again by haunting your dreams and making you feel upset. You are so much stronger than that. (((HUGS))) I hope that your dreams will be clear from bad things. 
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Don't blame yourself for not "trying" to fight. Someone told me that the flight or fight response also has a "freeze" response to protect yourself from harm. Besides that, I want you to know that I sometimes feel the same way. I was not outwardly threatened in the least and, though I did resist, I feel like I could have done more. But... I know at the same time that, in the state I was, I couldn't. If you could have... you would have done more. No one asks for this and no matter how much or "little" you fight (including only saying no - or even saying nothing or doing nothing at certain times) it was not your choice and you have no blame in the matter. You did the most/best you could in the situation especially since your body was making the choices to save yourself instead of your logical self. I don't know if I'm making any sense here but... you really did your best.
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