What is Rape
Rape is, in most jurisdictions, a crime defined as sexual intercourse or penetration without valid consent by both parties. In many jurisdictions, the penetration of the anus or th...
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It's been almost 3 years since it happened, and I still can't find it in myself to be okay with talking about it.
Talking about it helped, but I couldn't open up about the whole thing enough... I think my problem is that, while I know that I shouldn't feel this way, I still feel like I can't forgive myself. I know it wasn't my fault and all that, but I can't make myself believe what I know. How do I do that? Weird as it is, I think I can forgive him for what happened, but I can't forgive myself... and that is so completely messed up that I can't begin to understand it, but I just go over and over it in my head, and lately it's all that I can think about. I had surgery last week so I've been home from work with nothing to to but think. I can distract myself for a while but eventually my mind always ends up back in the same place. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks! Posted on 11/04/09, 02:11 am |
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Yeah, I know what you mean. We have higher standards for ourselves don't we? That's where the self-blame comes from. But you have to remember that you are human. No matter what choices you made to end up in your situation, that still doesn't give anyone the right to assault you & take advantage of you. A decent human being would not exploit another's momentary vulnerability. He's the culprit, not you. You have to keep reminding yourself of that. Aside from that, the only other thing I can recommend is talking to a counselor or reading some literature on the subject, which usually helps to put things in perspective for me. 
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its been a little over a year for me, i feel the same way about not opening up all the way, ive never told anyone EVERYTHING that happened.. i break down before i can, i suddenly cant breathe and as if the world is caving in on me:/ also, i dont want to bc i feel like it makes it official. i feel the same way about the forgiveness! its scary.
kinda hypocritical of me, but hang in there! i really think that there will eventually be a rainbow to our stories... just gotta wait out the thunder and striking rain -Sarah
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I know what you've been through. I was raped when I was a little girl.
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It's some kind of weird psychological mechanism to somehow feel like we could have prevented, controlled the situation. Perhaps you can't talk about it fully because you feel that what happened shames you and not him. You can avoid as long as you are busy. Forget about shoulds and just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. You are in the midst of PSTD. It takes a long time.
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Thanks for your replies...
No, I don't have a counselor. I've been thinking about it, I had one once a while ago, but it didn't seem to do much, so I stopped. But now I'm feeling like I'm driving myself crazy, I can't help but go over and over and over it all in my head. And I've been having nightmares about it too. ::sigh:: I hate this.
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