Rape Support Group

sorry to hear you have been hurt so. you need to have yourself checked out. first thing.. at least you will have that worry out of the way. and then.. and then i dont know. i wish i knew. how did your friends react? did it bring any relief to tell them?

Hello, first I want to tell you that you are beautiful inside and out. I hate that you look at your body and that is all you can think about. What I can tell you is that it will get better, but you need to never stop fighting. I am 40 years old now and I was 15 when I was gang raped by two men that I knew. They were "friends" even, one was my friends boyfriend. Anyway, I made a lot of mistakes after that. One was that I never told a soul until this month. Since then, I have been on this web-page and Tori Amos's web page. Google her, she has an AMAZING site! You will need counseling for sure and supportive people. Some people might say some stupid shit. Be ready for that, but you will also find amazing people. Don't stuff it like I did. It just puts off the healing and probably played a part in bad choices I continued to make after it happened. I was intoxicated when it happened, so that plays a part in the guilt, but you know, nobody deserves to be violated like that. What I can say now is that I am a beautiful person, but it took me some work to get to this place. Never stop reaching for that healthy place and give yourself what you need every single day and forgive yourself when you don't. I have a wonderful life and family now, but that is only by the Grace of God that I even have that. I have a wonderful carreer. If you don't fight for that, you won't have it, but if you do, I promise you will. When bumps in the road happen, always get back to that thinking. That is how you will win. Now I am trying to help others which also makes me feel empowered. All of those things are a huge part of healing. This is still so fresh for you sweetheart. I am so sorry that happened to you. I just wanted you to have a look at the possibilities for your future and give you something to reach for. Don't stop telling. Someone may have seen. Please turn him in, even if you don't know who he was... someone might. Bless you,
Rosemary Ball rosemaryball@live.com email me any time

Sorry this happened to you. I am a victim too. It is a long process and I am not sure I am able to move on and it has been 13 years since I was raped. The thing that helped me is finding people that supported me. Don't listen to those that criticize, only surround yourself with support.

Do get checked for STD's and report it to the police.

Do something that make you feel good and gets your mind off of feeling bad. When you get negative thoughts get your supportive friends and have a girls night or go shopping. Whatever it takes to get your mind off of what happened.

You are a special and important and just remember that. The person that did this to you is not.

I am so sorry this has happened.

Sexual assult with someone who is intoxicated and unable to provide rational consent is rape/sexual assult and is a criminal offence. In most states it is treated as in the same category as raping someone who is asleep in a hospital bed. You should know that this is a crime whether or not you choose to report.

Reporting or not reporting is a very personal decision. Make sure you have lots of emotional support around you if you do report. You are going to need it.

Especially in cases of stranger rape, DNA evidence is crucial. The longer you wait, the less likely it is that they will recover DNA evidence, so it may be difficult for them to actually prosecute anyone.

Even so, you may still want to file a report. It is possible that this person has done this before or after, and your report will make it possible for them to eventually prosecute him. It is also possible that there were eye-witnesses who do know who did this to you or can at least provide enough information to help detectives narrow down the field of suspects. In my own case the rapist was sufficiently professional that he left no DNA traces, but they were still able to identify a suspect through circumstantial evidence.

Secondly, there may be a chance that the person who attacked you has priors and could be on parole. The police can use the information you give either to demonstrate he has violated parole or to watch him like a hawk for parole violations and get him off the street that way.

Whatever happens if you do report, don't for one minute think that a DA's decision not to prosecute means they don't believe you or think what happened isn't serious. It is very serious. Again in my case, even with the circumstantial evidence, they couldn't prosecute, because their ability to identify the particular person who raped me didn't rise to the legal definition of "beyond reasonable doubt" without DNA evidence. I had no eye-witnesses to compensate for lack of DNA evidence.

In the coming weeks be prepared for a lot more anxiety than you are used to. This doesn't mean you are going crazy. Your body is reacting to a trauma. It does get better over time for most people. If it doesn't there are treatments designed to help your body get over it. You might find it helpful to search the web for "Rape Trauma Syndrome" or PTSD. This will help give you a medical perspective on what is happening and may help you find coping tools. For example, being concerned about STD's is very reasonable, but if you are obsessing about it, that is probably a stress reaction.

One thing I found very helpful in the first few weeks was to "make like a beach". On a beach, the waves come crashing in and out, but the beach just stays there. It doesn't die or get destroyed. In the same way, if you can recognize the stress reactions for what they are - your body in overdrive from a trauma - you may be able to relax and let the anxiety pass over you. It won't make those feelings any more fun, but at least you won't be so afraid of the feelings themselves.

If you have a rape crisis hotline or counselling center near you, do consider counselling. There is a lot of misinformation about rape floating around and it is important that you get the best information possible to help you with your recovery. A rape counsellor can also help you come up with ways of coping with your emotional and physical responses to the rape. They can also be a good source for brainstorming ways to cope with any practical problems arising from the rape.

Again, I am so sorry this happened to you.
Wishing you the fullest possible recovery, beth