What is Pregnancy After Loss Or Infertility
Pregnancy always presents challenges, but for those who have struggled to get pregnant or have lost a previous child, a new pregnancy brings additional stress. This community is de...
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Mean husband I need advice ladies
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So i've been married for a little over a year. From Feb through june 2009 I was pregnant and we lost that baby due to placental abruption at 5 months (stillborn)... It was awful and an awful end to our first year married. Now I'm 3 months pregnant again...Here's were the husband problem comes in. Before we got married my husband rarely cussed at me and never called me names..Then right before I got pregnant for the 1st time he started treating me like ****. Then I found out I was pregnant I got totally sick and couldn't even go to work was in and out of the hospital. My husband became extremely emotionally abusive. calling me lazy and selfish and a horrible mother while I was on COMPLETE bedrest for our child. He's fight with me and call me a ***** and so on and so on right before we lost our daughter to a complication I had absolutley no hand in..nothing I could have done to fix it, we got in a fight and he told me that this is my fault and that I'm going to lose my daughter because I deserve it..Two weeks later she was dead...Now he blames all that emotional ****ed upness on the stress of the whole situation and not know how to deal with a pregnant woman (COPEOUT)
I was devistated that my body didn't hold my precious daughter in, my water broke..she was perfect my body didn't allow her to live...he didn't have to feel any of that. So two months went by after we buried her and he told me how sorry he was that he was a jerk and that he PROMISED to handle things differently. Now on to pregnancy number 2.. The same stuff all over again emotional abuse and just completely takes advantage of my vulnarable state to control me. I feel so STUPID..this is my first husband He treated me like gold right up until we had been married for 1/2 year and then all down hill. He actually never called me any nameslike "*****" UNTIL AFTER I'M PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD. Does anyone else have this problem where now that you pregnant they have become mean, insensetive, even out right abusive????????????????????? I feel so alone and trapped and broken hearted. We've barely been married a year and I think I would take it all back if I could... PRAYERS WOULD BE so appreciate, God bless Nicole Posted on 11/07/09, 04:11 am |
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Nicole I am so sorry that you are going through this. As ironic as it is, studies on domestic abuse show that it commonly worsens during pregnancy. It makes no sense, but then again men that abuse the person they supposedly love also makes no sense. I know that you have not said anything about physical abuse, but verbal and emotional abuse is still abuse.
You should not have to settle for this treatment. I would discuss with him that as you are preparing to bring a child into this world you want your home to be happy and good environment for the child. This includes you getting your marriage back to being a happy and healthy one. His response will let you know if he is willing to work this out or not. I would recommend going to see a marriage counselor. I will keep you in my prayers. 
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I am so sorry you are going through this. What he did and is doing is wrong. Like Kara said abuse often worsens during pregnancy. This is not healthy for you or the baby. You do not deserve to be treated like this and none of it is your fault. No matter what you decide it is important to consider your safety and the safety of your child first and foremost. Things may not be physical yet, and they may never become physical, but it happens too often. In the kind of work I do I have seen it too many times. Perhaps counseling would help him. I would also advise you to contact a local women's center and speak to a counselor there about how you can handle this. They can give you tips on addressing this and developing a safety plan if things get worse. Whatever you decide please know I am keeping you and your beautiful baby in my prayers.
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I am not pregnant now, but have experienced this with my husband to a lesser degree. He is normally a pretty mellow, easy-going guy, but when I am pregnant he is totally different. He pulls away and is constantly out or tuning me out, and has gotten verbally and physically abusive on occasion. He isn't that way when I am not pregnant. It is so strange and sad.
When I was pregnant with our fourth child I caught a terrible case of the flu and developed a sub-chorionic hematoma. I literally couldn't walk and was in so much pain. I was supposed to be on bedrest and was diagnosed with a threatened miscarriage. He wouldn't watch our other kids and kept having them go in our bed and jump on me. He rarely checked on me or brought me anything to eat or drink and I had to go all the way downstairs to the kitchen to try and take care of the kids and myself despite my ill-health and very high fever. When it was time to go for our 13 week ultrasound to check for possibility of Down's syndrome he said that he had to take our daughter to school because he didn't get her ready in time to catch the bus. I told him that it was more important that we get to the u/s appointment as I needed to see our baby after I was so sick and I was worried. He pushed me away as hard as he could and I fell down hard on the floor. I had to take myself to the appointment (in his stick shift car that I wasn't familiar with - which was stressful in and of itself) and they told me that there was no heartbeat and the baby has just died. It was horrible! When I tried to discuss with my husband he wouldn't even acknowledge his bad, unsupporting behavior. When I discussed with my own dad (who treated my mother terribly when she was pregnant) he said that this is normal. That men are under stress about supporting the new baby and don't know how to cope. It seems so selfish and terrible. I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. Whatever you do, try to get yourself into something that will be supportive for you. Take care of yourself and that sweet baby of yours.
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I'm so sorry to hear all these horrible stories :(
I don't really want to say much cause i'm not going through this ( i went through mild emotional abuse in a past relationship) But please take care of yourselves, this is meant to be your partner for life and the father of you kids and they have to treat you better My thoughts are with you - please take care XXXXXXX
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You shouldn't be going thru this. Try counseling, if for nothing else to find out if his abuse will escalate. You cannot afford to be patient with this as soon your baby will be here. WHile my DH wasn't calling me names, he went thru a "man" phase with my first PG. Went out drinking more, which lead to more fights...etc. From listening to the ladies on this site, seems like this does occur with some men. NOw I am PG with our 2nd and he is the perfect husband/Dad. Think he grew up. Takes them longer I hope this is just the case with your DH, but sounds like you may need some help to sort it out. Good luck
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I've never been in that kind of situation so I don't have much advise to offer but I will keep you in my prayers!
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I was never in such situation but I strongly advise you to seek counseling, with or without him and to promise yourself you'll leave if things don't change very soon. Behavior you're describing sounds abusive and from other cases I know (friends, neighbors, etc.) abuse can just get worse, rarely it gets better and never on its own. Personally I'd leave his sorry a** but I understand that you have lot of emotional investment you can't just walk away from. I don't think his behavior is normal nor that it can be excused in any way. Seek help!
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