What is Pregnancy
Pregnancy is typically broken into three periods, or trimesters, each of about three months. While there are no hard and fast rules, these distinctions are useful in describing the...
Join Now
|
Husband's family *Vent*
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I have had it with his family! Seriously! His mother is a pain the neck, she treats me like crap, only calls me to talk bad about other people, including my husband, and then yells at me when I don't talk to her. She has called CPS on her own sister for no reason, and lives with an alchoholic. She keeps on telling me I can't breastfeed (watch me!) and won't respect my wishes to NOT have my belly touched. She grabs it and I end up smacking her hands away. I have been nice to everyone in his family, I have cooked meals for them when I stayed with his mother in law, and my hubby has bailed his mother out of financial situations constantly.
She is convinced she will be watching my child, and has her own nursery for her, which scares me, cause I don't know what she's going to try to do! :'( I even visited her in the hospital when she was there. And even though I have been in the family for over 2 years, not once, NOT ONCE, have I gotten a birthday card, or even a Christmas card. She bought baby clothes that only have wording on how great grandma is. I have never received a phone call from her asking me how I'm doing, not once, and she doesn't even ask my husband how I'm doing. She takes advantage of everyone, and then lets you hang when you need something. She owes us over 500 dollars, and gambles away at Bingo every week. Her sisters aren't any better, they never ask me how I'm doing, and I know it's cause she bad mouths me behind my back. Her brothers are useless and one is an alcoholic. No one calls me to ask how I'm doing, except my friends, and I receive several messages online from his dad's sister. No one seems to care about me, it's like this evil woman, my mother in law, has poisoned them against me. I haven't done anything wrong, I even invited them ALL to my baby shower, even though they make me feel like crap. I'm now at the point that I won't even let them come see my child, cause they don't seem to care about me, why should I let them see my child? I'm scared that this evil woman is conspiring to call CPS for NO reason on me. His dad is a little better, but has a way of making everyone feel guilty, he says, that we should allow her to watch our child because she is family. So? She's dangerous! I feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm done being nice to them, they only stab you in the back, they only take advantage of you, and make you feel about an inch tall. She even refused to accept a collect call from her other son (he was in jail for a misdemeanor) and never visited him in jail. My husband visited him and picked him up when he got out. I'm tired of this, I just don't know what to do, I want to break off all ties, because this is too much for me to handle, and my husband has had it with them, and still feels some sort of responsibility to them, because they are his family. *sigh* What do I do? I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm so angry and close to tears! Debbie Posted on 11/08/09, 06:11 pm |
| 9 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
just drop them. simple. we had to do that with my dad but he tries. he just has a really bad drug habit and a trouble keeping promises. we don't want our children to be disappointed. while he knows im pregnant with a boy, we wont call when i deliver. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
***HUGS***
My ex husbands 'parents' were that way too. THis 'parents' consisted of his mom and his grandma. his mom lived out of her moms home for 3 weeks Just long enough to get pregnant I guess. Their son was the golden child and did absolutely NO wrong and I was dirt. One time his mom gave me all her 'old' clothes some had the tags stillthat ere too big for her now... Mind you I was still smaller then her lol.... and one year they got me clothes for christmas.... all MOO MOOs I was sooo insulted... and they were hideous and not even wearable around the house.... Im so glad I dont have a child to tie me to those people. Im sorry your having problems with them. I wish I could say it wil get better after baby is here but FROM WHAT YOU SAID i DOUBT IT. ANd sadly if you keep the baby totally from them your mil will likely call cps like you fear tough spot for sure... sorry your having a rough time
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
My poor SIL is going through something similar. She has 5 kids with her DH. My SIL's, SIL even has goes at her through the kids. Tells them to pass messages to their mum and does things like that online too. Recently my SIL had to kick her
DH out because he was drinking and having problems with anger. He moved in with his parents and get this, they said he could stay, but he wasn't aloud to have the kids there, because they hate my SIL. Their own Grandkids, how low is that. Unless there is some way to cut all ties with his family, I'm afraid maybe things don't look good for the future. But, my SIL and her DH are giving it another go. He's getting counselling and hasn't had a drink in nearly 2 months. My SIL doesn't have anything to do with his family and he only has contact with them if he has to. They are even moving their kids from the school they are at so they don't have to have contact with their Aunt.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hi hun. This is a horrible situation to be in!!
All I can suggest is that you keep a very formal relationship with them (how is the weather conversations etc) just keep it polite but distanced. I have to do this with some members of his family also. And constantly -but calmly- repeating every time the things that bother you. For example "oh I thought I had already explained, I do not like my stomach being touched" whenever she tries, and physically move away every time. Tiring I know, but it will make you feel less frustrated as you are actually addressing the issues and not letting them just do what they please regardles of how it affects you. And by not reacting in an emotional manner, you are not playing into their games. As for not letting her babysit - this is YOUR child!! Simply tell her you chose to have a child because you wanted a child, not a toy. Tell her you have no intention of being away from your baby and when she sees your baby, be present every time. You decide when she can hold her, and do not allow her to feed her or change her or anything like this that makes you uncomfortable. That is exactly what I do with my MIL. Also, I cannot trust my daughter alone with them as they smoke, and not just cigarettes. Personally I do not care, hey I used to also. However, as I now have a child I care very much! She will never have my girl alone at their house, and due to a few issues of ignoring my requests and doing the opposite of what I have asked, she will never see her alone here either. I will always have other company when they are here, because I feel as though the support is good for me and I can be relaxed as my daughter will be looked after properly. This way, you are not denying them contact with your baby. What you are doing is giving them ground rules to follow, making sure your baby is cared for in a safe envrionment (and this should be her main concern also! Regardless of whether or not she agrees with you.... although this is not always the case as I have learnt) and having some support for yourself also. They cannot complain that they are missing out on experiences with their grandchild, and you know that you have done everything right and kept your child safe and secure. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, and to do things this way is a perfectly acceptable compromise for any decent person. Why would you want someone else you look after your child? Just because they are grandparents does not take away the fact that it is your baby and you have no reason to allow anyone to take your child from you, even for a short period of time! xx
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Thank you all, I know I have support here, I just can feel my blood pressure rise when I think of her, and I feel my entire body tense up when I see her. My mother in law is just one of the worst people I've ever known. I'm just terrified that she's going to try to take my baby girl from me. She would have no reason too, I would never hurt or endanger my child's life. My daughter, though she is unborn, is my life.
I am heavily considering just telling her to leave me alone completely, cause I don't see this working out at all. It's been a huge dilemma my entire pregnancy. But first and foremost, I have to protect my child, and my child is much better off with me than with anyone else. I just don't know what to do, I'm tired of losing sleep over this. I'm lucky my hubby is so supportive of me. He has had it with her too, but I can't ask him to stop talking to her, after all that is his mother. Sometimes I wonder why we even came back to Pittsburgh, we could've avoided all this drama. Debbie
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
You need to stop trying and tell them to stay away. She sounds poisonous and dangerous and you are obviously uncomfortable with her. So just stop communicating with them. Keep her away from your child and yourself. If your husband insists that his mother be allowed a relationship (which I don't know why he would do if you feel the way you do) then insist only on supervised visits in a place YOU are comfortable (i.e. your house) and videotape the entire thing, just to be safe. You don't need to be around that kind of person and neither does your child.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I hope your husband will support you in cutting ties with these poisonous people. You definitely don't need their BS right now.
I'm so glad my husband's most irritating family members are halfway across the country. Makes things much easier. My husband had a difficult time accepting that his parents were not going to change into the loving ones he wishes he had, but he has made peace with it since and handles them accordingly. Family or not it is not OK to allow people to take advantage of you, it just made my husband feel like crap every time he bailed them out or loaned them money they never repaid.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Thank you ladies, I made my decision, I'm cutting them off completely. I told my husband that I want nothing to do with his family and my daughter will not be around them at all. He agrees that that is fine, it's causing too much stress in my life, and I know what's right for my child anyway.
Thank you all so much! Debbie
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Omg...your situation sounds so much like mine, My husband's mother owes us so much money, over 3,000 dollars, but still gambles the money she does have and hasnt offered to pay us any money back.
My husband had major emergency abdominal surgery due to a diaphragmatic hernia, and has been in and out of the hospital for a month, has been severely sick and she knows this. She knows we need the money so bad, and still no offering it back... and my husband doesnt ask her for it.. says she is struggling too.. blah blah we have 3 small kids! We need the damn money back! She's sick too... had a heart attack a few months back, and I visited her in the hospital too.. even though I really didnt want to. Its a little different though, she does include me in the holiday stuff.. forgets my birthday sometimes (we've been together almost 10 years..) but I dont really care. I wish I could just drop them- because his grandmother is the most embarassing woman I have ever known in my life. She will embarass you where ever you go. If you take her out to eat, she will complain and try to get her meal free. If you take her to the hospital, she will complain she's waiting too long and make loud, rude comments so all the nurses and staff hear her. No matter where we go, she embarasses me. I can't stand it. She ruins my kid's birthday parties. The last one she came to, my 2 year old's birthday party, she said something so rude to one of my friends I just lost it. I told her in front of everyone, if she couldn't be nice to my friends or just keep her mouth shut, she wasn't welcome to come anymore. The party was for my CHILD, not for her, and she tried to take his spotlight. I wasn't having it anymore, or condoning it by keeping my mouth shut any longer. There are some of my friends who won't come to my kid's events if she is going to be there. It is THAT bad. I just smile and nod and try to keep the peace when I am around them. It's the most I can do for my husband. But if I had it my way, I'd completely cut them out of my life. They don't do anything for us anyway- all they do is call and ask for money, ask for rides, ask us to buy them food, anything they can think of, they ask us or his brother and sister for. It's like the money they make goes somewhere else not to what they need. Their bills are late every month, don't even have gas, no hot water, and his 17 year old brother still lives there. He has to boil water on the stove and take baths. I didnt meet his family until we had been dating for 2 years, I wish I knew what I was signing up for before. He was embarassed for me to meet them, I wonder why!!
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Reply |
