Pregnancy Support Group

Just straight up tell him that that's not the reason you need your sis there. And if he still thinks it is, tell him to get over it--you are the one that has to actually endure the labor--you should have anyone you freakin want to be in there with you!!! Jeez.

1weekatatime that's a great reply! :)

My now hubby and I were together 6 months when we got pregnant, I was scared that he wouldn't be enough because he refused to take the classes because he was scared! Funny huh!
Well, I was scared myself. I knew my mom had been present for my sister's first two children and my brother's second. I knew it was important to her to be present and I knew that it was important to her to be there to help me through it, whatever I needed, as my mom not as the baby's grandma. She was so good at helping my hubby learn how to be supportive and stepping back when he had things under control.
I think my hubby didn't understand why I needed my mom until D-day! I never argued it, it was the way it was going to be. I needed him there with me but I needed her too. The night I went into labor I didn't have regular contractions, I had back labor. My husband and I didn't recognize that as labor. My mom called to check on me and insisted for hours that I go to the hospital. I think that helped my husband to understand that we didn't know things she did.
Second time around he was willing and ready for the classes. He enjoyed the time there with me and was a wonderful coach in the delivery room- I always brag on the job he did the second time around, he was awesome! My mom was at home with my older son, that is where I needed her to be to help me feel secure.

Be honest about everything. Realistically the idea of labor & delivery is very scary for first time moms. You don't know what to expect, you don't know how you will manage the pain, you don't know anything except a whole baby is coming out of a small place! You deserve to have whoever you need to make you feel comfortable and help you feel at ease. A stressed mommy does not labor well.

Plus, what if you are in labor for a while and he needs a bathroom or snack break? What if you feel the need to push and the nurse isn't ther? Will he want to leave you alone to take care of those things? I think he will come around and understand.

YOu could explain that by having an extra set of hands in the delivery room it will free him up to be able to go get a drink, go to the bathroom, take a break ect... labor can be long and intense. Also if you have a second set of hands he can stay with his new baby if they have to take the baby to the nursery and you will still have some one at your side while you finish the delivery. Remind him that after the baby is delivered your job isnt done. How ever you want him to be able to stay with the baby and focus on the baby 100% as the baby will need him. You will still have the placenta to deliver and possible stiches ect so having someone for the baby and some one for you is important.

Then there is the idea of pictures. Ask him if he wants to be responcible 100% for capturing memories. ANd remind him that you want him IN those memories not just behind the camera. And while there are nurses that will take pictures there is no gaurentee. besides, what nurse will stop mid delivery to take a snap shot of hubby being supportive while you push, or of you hubby and baby bonding those first few minutes. Those first expressions are priceless. I know I dont have the pictures I would love to have. I have c sections so I dont get to be there when hubby first holds baby and no one took pictures for me. Those first looks on his fce are priceless. If you can have some one take those for you then everyone wins...

I guess what Im saying is just really push the reasons why its best for both of you not just you. Remind him its not to replace him or because you dont have faith in him but to make sure that he can play what ever role he is needed to play and still have back up when he cantbe in 2 places at once.

Just tell him exactly that hun! I had a student midwife with me and my husband, as I was not comfortable to have any family members there with us. She was just beautiful and such a great help!! There are many studies that show when a woman in labour has a constant female companion, she relaxes more, labours better and has less interventions! Sometimes, we just want another woman to help guide us through it! Our student midwife was young also and did not have children of her own, but has helped many women through labour. As I chose to have a natural labour, I felt that the support would be great, plus then I had two people who knew my wishes if anything unexpected happens (ie venthouse suction would be fine, but c-section over forceps on advice of the midwives and obstetrician etc) She was also able to make drinks for my husband and keep a flow of ice and water ready for me, get warm blankets (I laboured a lot in the shower) and just be an extra pair of hands. I know myself that my husband would have done just fine without anyone else being there - but I wouldn't!! That is what you need to explain to him, that this is all new to you and very daunting, and you need to be as relaxed as you can going into labour. If you are worried, you will not labour as well and could set yourself up for problems. You will know on the day if you want her in there with you both, you always have the option of asking her to leave if you find you want to be alone with your man. Just let him know that you want the extra support and comfort of a familiar face (she is your sister, she has known you your whole life!) when facing such an unknown experience and that it is absolutely no reflection on what his capabilities are!! It is just what you feel you need to get through it. Completely understandable!! Also, you could have him read all of these replies (print them off if you do not want him to read the question) so he can realise that there are many women who feel this way. Best of luck with your delivery! xx

I think the idea here is just to let him know its not because he cant but because you want him to be able to do what he is most comfortable with and focus on what he wants to.

He might be feeling insecur about his role in this process and doesnt want to be left out. He is probally worried about what he is capable of and is projecting his fears into your desire for extra help. Almost like your confirming his fears. Men are definantly like kids. They need positive reinforcement and encouragemet all the time (well shoot we all do but they REALLY do).

My husband just called me freaked out about what h would have to do if heapplied for a job with in the military (a civilian-sorta position) HE needed to hear that I had faith in him and that he was ready. I am bettng your hubby is needing to hear something similar from you :P

Im kinda glad I dont have the choice. Having a c section I get one person in the room with me... my husband... but that also means I miss out on things like pictuesof him when he first holds the baby andstuff. I did go back and look and I do actually have a picture a nurse must have taken of my husband showing me our daughter for the first time... but there is no gaurentee that they will do that with this one. I kinda wish I could have a camera person in the operation with us... especially since I want to video tape it and hubby doesnt really want to caue the he has to see it lol

OH well Im rambling lol.... just give him some reassurance and everthing will be good

Agree with BugBite.
(Also agree with 1weekatatime but think that that approach may not resolve the issue!) :)
I think it is pretty stressful for the guy too (although I remember mine sitting there reading his book while I was morphined up)! If he doesn't get on with your sister he may not want her to be around him when he feels vulnerable.
Good luck with the delivery :)

I suggested to DH the other night that I would like to have a doula with us (I want unmedicated birth and I'm nervous that he will go along with anything the dr suggests)

He was understandably a little offended that I thought he might not be able to follow through with my birth plans. I really just want some extra support for both of us and it's impossible for us to choose from our family members

As of now, it will just be him and me in delivery. I'm starting to like that idea though- it will be wonderful to share those moments between just the two of us.