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Advice... to abort or not
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It's a long story. I found out I'm pregnant yesterday. The father and I have been on again off again for 10 years. Currently we are not together, it was convenience sex because he spends a lot if time at my house to spend time with our 2 children. This is our 4th pregnancy. The first one miscarried and the other two are our wonderful little boys. We are not together because he walks away when things get tough. All my pregnancies have been torture emotionally and the last one nearly killed me. I am an h1n1 survivor but not without my battle scars. 5 weeks in a coma while they took my baby preemie 2 days in expecting my death. 3 1/2 months in the hospital and rehab while my mom had my kids as their dad walked out (he couldn't handle it). I've been told not to have anymore since the lovely h1n1 left me with a heart condition. The cardiologist told me maybe 7 months ago that an unexpected pregnancy may not be as life threatening as previously thought.
We took precautions as we both don't want anymore children. When plan A failed we bought and used plan B which obviously also failed. I don't know how I feel about abortion but keeping this baby is going to be emotionally and physically trying. Not to mention the economics of it would mean an absolute life of poverty for us. I'm already getting all the state assistance possible since the hospital. Also since the moment I listed abortion as an option the father has hinted that would be for the best (then when I mentioned the cost told me he wouldn't be able to come up with his half) cause u know $100 a week in child support is already so straining. I just don't know what to do. Abort or keep? It's such a big decision :( Posted on 06/15/12, 06:31 pm |
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He brought that up. If I go through this I couldn't do adoption. I just wouldn't be able to separate my children. That's like saying I love one more than the other. It would have dramatic emotional effects on all the of them wouldn't it? 
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the baby you are pregnant with now is also your child. you chose to have your other children but are considering not having this one... isn't that saying you love them more than you love this one as well?
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I would be the only one to suffer. My two boys wouldn't know the difference. I'm thinking about their future. I want the best for them. I am leaning more towards keeping it. I just don't know if I can go through with an abortion. I won't have any support either way. The last pregnancy I found myself sick and unable to care for myself. I lost everything. My ”husband”, well being, my home, my car, my life nearly. I am all my kids have. If I become unable to provide the financial and emotional support my two existing children need what good am I? Can I really put us all out on the street because I am to selfish to responsibly handle the situation as it stands today?
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sounds like you are really at a crossroads. i would discuss it with your dr. ask them their medical opinion of whether or not it will be more detrimental to your health. in that sense, you have to do what's right for your boys now and not risk losing your life. then they will be stuck with an unstable dad all the time.
as far as an abortion goes, i don't recommend it if you are having this many doubts. if you think its gonna be too hard emotionally, then it will be. so many women say they regret having it even though they really wanted it, so if you are doubtful now, i'm afraid you would regret it severely. i think you should keep adoption as an option. you could tell your boy God sent you this blessing to help out people that can't have a baby or something to that effect. while it wouldn't be an easy situation, it is possible to do adoption and have your boys emotionally and mentally ok with it, but it will take some work. keep in mind, if you have this baby and you can't support it you're not doing any of these children good. there are men and women out there that would LOVE to have children and can't, and you could salvage this baby's life while not risking them financial instability.
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If you watched a video of an abortion, trust me you wouldn't have one. I watched one on youtube one time and it was like a horror film and I cried. Your baby will be sucked out of your uterus through a tube in pieces and while this is happening... the baby is kicking with it's mouth open as if it were screaming for help. The baby feels the pain. It's not fair that you kept your other children and then this one doesn't get the chance to live. Imagine your life without one of your other children, and see how you feel. Yes, if it is life threatening and there is no way that you could carry this baby to term and you could die I would consider abortion. That's the only case. As far as you boyfriend or whatever goes he just sounds like a worthless piece of trash to me. A real man isn't going to walk in and out of your life when times get hard. Plus $400 a month for 2 kids in child support is not bad at all... well for him. I don't even think that is enough for 2 kids! I just think he looks at these kids as if they were just something he has to pay for and not really his KIDS. So, I would care less of his opinion of what you decide to do with YOUR baby. Tell him to man up and get a 2nd job to support it... and grow some balls. Babies are miracles and for some reason, only God knows, that baby was put there in your womb. There are adoption families where they will pay for all the medical expenses for you and you don't have to worry about a dime. Like I told my husband if something were to happen to me and I was laying in the hospital and there was a choice either to save me or my baby, but one of us would die... I would choose to save my baby cause I've already lived my life.
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I have to just put it out there: Do not abort. Ever. It's never the right choice. You can do this. Take a deep breath, calm down, and do NOT lean on the father. He is really letting you down and you need to sever that. Sounds like you have family you can lean on, and stay strong. Don't let negative messages take over. And bring him back to court if need be! He needs to be responsible, and if he doesn't do it on his own, then the state does.
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My advice would be listen to your heart. And do your research. Don't let people make you feel bad for choices. You do have a choice, so do what is going to be best for you. Good luck :)
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