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scary, nasty, thoughts
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help I am suffering from sever ppd/ocd. i have very intrusive thoughts about both other people and myself hurting the baby. these thoughts terrify me and make me question my sanity. I was hospitalized for a week and am on meds and doing therapy. i can handle stress, i can handle being tired , i can handle being frustrated, i can handle feeling sad and depressed. I CAN NOT handle having thoughts of hurting my baby he is only 5 weeks old and i have waited ten years to have him. I suffered infertility due to poly cystic ovarian syndrome. I cannot get rid of these thoughts and new ones come all the time. sometimes something will trigger it, like if i see a knife or sharp scissors. or it will just randomly happen. i love my baby and these thoughts and the panic and guilt that follows is torture. never in my life would i want to hurt a child and my child at that. I am feeling like my soul is being tortured by pure evil. People tell me it will go away.. but it is so scary and so hard to believe. i want this to leave my head and my body so bad. ppd is horrific and i would not wish this upon my worst enemy . does anyone relate or have any advice......????? do they really go away????
Posted on 01/11/12, 02:34 am |
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Yes the PPD will go away. I had it about 20 years ago and was so afraid I would be in "that condition" permanently, because it felt like it would never go away. I am soooo sorry you are going thru this because it is very awful, scarey, and torturous. Do you have a good support system... husband, other family or friends who are helpful and understanding? It's difficult to cope with, but I tried to stay busy to keep occupied... writing, talking to friends, reading... those things helped. Just knowing that it was hormonal fluctuations that was causing this helped me, because at first, I didn't know what was going on. Do you take vitamins? This is VERY important, in my opinion, because during pregnancy, the baby gets the nourishment it needs first, and your body can get depleted. Also, you mentioned being on meds but sometimes they take awhile to get into your system, or for your body to adjust to side effects, etc. so keep that in mind. Hang in there dear. You can message me anytime! 
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I don't have any advice, because I'm in the throws of depression and anxiety, but I want you to know how much I relate to your words specifically when you said, " I am feeling like my soul is being tortured by pure evil. " Cause I feel like it's NOT me that would want to hurt myself or baby. it's so horrible. I'm right there with you.
sincerely, Kimi
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Yes, moms, I remember feeling the same way. You have to keep reminding yourselves that your hormones are so out of balance that your brain is getting weird signals. It is not the REAL you, of course. Try to do things that get your mind involved in something else other than your thoughts. And talking to other moms, in person or thru this type of forum, is soooooooo helpful. Just to know your not going crazy is a big relief. It will get better :)
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so it has been a while since I have been on here. I started to scroll through the posts and searched intrusive thoughts. I rad a few then came across one post the seems like this person was in a scary scary place just like I am.......... then I look a little closer.... these words seem so familiar ....... who posted this ?????? ME !!!! without even realizing i was relating to my own post from months ago.... :S funny yet a little sad lol
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