Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Support Group

Sounds like you have done some valuable work and have made incredible results. Everything is always in flux, changing.

I have been at this for approximately 2 years with successes and regression. I thought I was healed twice to only see it return just as potent as before. Good thing to know is you are headed in the right direction and that should reinforce your work effort towards healing. You are constantly changing and integrating more trauma as you heal and this will free up more deeper held emotions and traumas.

The more you heal the deeper held emotions start to surface. Closer to your core and closer to being healthy again.

Remember that the new emotions and fears are just that. An intrusive thought is the same as a thought about a pink elephant.

Your progress has built up a resilience and that has kept you healthy for a year now time to dedicate yourself to finish the job.

Great work. Hopefully others will be inspired to some action also.

I don't t think that I could have put it better then onewanderer. I think he nailed it on the head. lol Great job, by the way...BOTH of you!!!

Sometimes we don't know why our worries and fears, or flashbacks and reactions to them, get so severe to things that never used to bother us. However, sometimes, we find out that there's an underlying issue that we brushed under the rug, that we never dealt with...and now that you've managed all the surface stuff...it's creeped out from under that rug, making an appearance, again.

Or as onewanderer said, it's just intrusive thoughts, trying to claim you as a victim again. Making you think that it's hopeless to try, cause you're just going to react negatively. BUT, that's what the PTSD wants you to believe. However, as onewanderer also said, you're on the right path to being healthy. Don't let these sudden strong emotions win.

Take care, Keep being the strong you that you are!! :)

Wistalia,

My healing started prior to going into therapy, on my own. The only support that I had at the time were sexual violence counselors, and a few associations who were clueless about what I was going through (as was I at the time as I had not yet received a DX). I started what I now understand to be "re-mapping" without support, from which and as a result of the remapping, I had a severe and prolonged flashback that resulted in my being hospitalized. Therapy followed along with the DX. I am holistic and insisted on no meds as part of the therapy contract.

Post therapy, I experienced "flooding" of triggering especially within my workplaces; and although in hindsight, I can see how my therapists tried to prepare me cognitively for the consequences of the therapy process; I don't think that even they could anticipate what followed. Approximately 13 out of the last (say) 15 of my employers/workplaces have involved direct exposure to triggers in connection with the traumas in my history! A phenomenon that is curious to say the least--especially when one examines my entire work history. It was not "just" the workplaces, but in other environments where I would frequent. The phenomenon began to take on nightmarish proportion and I began to question the prevalence.

One of my therapists acknowledged that my awareness would increase and attempted to prepare me for this. True! I was no longer dissociating, denying the experiences, or consequently experiencing nearly as many flashbacks, but the trade off was heightened awareness, sensitivities, vigilance, high alert. I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know.

For a period of about seven years, I was so constantly overwhelmed with triggers and in places where I was also feeling I had no exit, that I believe I was experiencing Stockholm syndrome, and was severely reactive.
It was not until recently that I discovered that the compulsive picking and marring of my skin (at times writing on myself) was a form of cutting (PTSD), that the persistent hives were the result of a breakdown of my immune system that was compromised by the persistent and unyielding exposure to triggers that were sending my system into a constant state of alert status (PTSD), that the racing heart in the middle of the night, waking out of breath were "night terrors," vertigo, headaches, nausea, muscular aches, tension in my head, the emotional breakdowns, defensiveness, mistrust, etc., were all associated with the PTSD; as was probably my isolation.

Point is, my symptoms have not changed, I have merely discovered
that there is a name for some of them that I formerly did not have, and otherwise an explanation for others (or the understanding that they are linked to the PTSD). I also learned how to identify things and circumstances that would result in flashbacks, which can still occur--although I have not had one since last summer--unless I blocked it out (happens). Much of this helped me to acquire degrees of control in my recovery that I did not have before. All of this, combined with the increased understanding about the condition itself, along with acceptance that I will be in it for the long haul, were all necessary as part of my "evolution," but also my strategy/ies in the future.

It was not until I joined this group that I really began to build a "tool kit," but also thank telephone counselors--who I was also relying on for coping (as a "talk tool" when my system becomes overwhelmed or to explore strategies)--and one of my therapists for suggesting this tool in the first place.

As I began to experiment with various suggested strategies for coping, I developed a combination of "tried and true" techniques that worked for me (that I call my "tool kit"). In conjunction with this, I learned that it was important
to know and understand what triggered me so that I could employ more adaptive responses. Not knowing always what the results would be. I have also continued to learn not only about PTSD, various treatment theories and approaches, but also (for me) about other things such as effective natural healing options, etc.

The last seven years have been HELL! Even this evening, I am sitting here--once again feeling the overwhelming impact of serious triggering. I screamed, I cursed, I cried, I exhausted each of my talk tools, I've smoked way too much, I became hysterical. I cried, "I can't handle this anymore!"

I am told by a few that I "seem better," in the past few months; although I believe this is probably not entirely due to my new "tool kit." I became unemployed. My last workplace was like a proverbial torture chamber. And well, in as much as I'd like to think that "I am better." Fact is the results are skewed and distorted. The observation that I am better is therefore not exactly accurate.

I'm far from being a success story, but the results of all of my efforts
have included things like: increased awareness of my health in general, increased cognitive control (including increased ability to repress memories), "some" improvements with sleep issues, fewer explosions and emotional outbursts, a reduction in the severity of emotional outbursts, and increased capacity to once again suspend (temporarily) certain reactions (as I had immediately following therapy)--a "tool kit," and really good theory for healing. I'm sure I've forgotten to mention a few.

I have always had and continue to have the anxiety issues and panic attacks, but these are always precipitated by triggers. I do understand that delayed reactions are not uncommon. Think about the night terrors.

I could relate to how your reaction to certain stimulus, which did not trigger you previously has increased in severity. There is some stimulus that I am able to handle some times and--depending upon my status, circumstance, or resilience--are intolerable at other times. I assure you that this is not unusual.

I suspect although there may be some logical "patterns" to PTSD, it may not be quite as easy to apply patterns to individuals who are affected with PTSD, simply because we are by our own rights "individual." That's why we find situations where two seemingly similar people with seemingly identical traumas respond differently. The impact of trauma is subjective to the individual precisely because we are individual and unique. We are all so different and varied in so many ways. Our subjective trauma/s and life experiences vary, our histories vary, our internal capacities (or incapacities) vary, as do our support systems (or lack thereof) and our coping tools (both internal and external). Education, intellect, emotional health, background, other life experiences, life habits, lifestyle/s, socialization, biology, chemistry/ies.

Here's a curious example: I have an estranged sibling who experienced a very similar set of traumas, but who responded differently (more successful than I). The only sense that I can make out of this was primarily the fact that she relied on exercise heavily--probably instinctively, definitely unconsciously. I might have been more receptive to influence by this person, but the fact that I had experienced abuse from her caused me to reject everything she represented. Nevertheless, the outcomes were dramatically different. Ironically (Okay! No pun intended here), exercise is "one" of my "tried and true" coping strategies. Even so, it seems and feels unfair.

Even in grief (where again there may be some predictable patterns), I believe it is important to respect that we each (as individuals) handle it and evolve in our own ways.

Trying to identify and to apply predictable patterns is perhaps too easy, too simplistic, too insulting to the unique fabric that each of us are made of.

Nobody said it would be easy.

I just offered an excessively long response to your post, didn't I!

Big congrats for what victories you have had, BTW!

Thanks for sharing your successes, too. Although (in keeping in line with subjective evolution), I can only really speak for myself, I think we could all use more examples of success.

(Wink)

Your post also supplied a diversion for a very, very hard day.

I like spending a lot of time in my head. LOL

Also discovered during my unemployment, at which time I am spending much more time around just me, that I am constantly grinding my teeth (day and night)! Did not ever notice this before the dentist pointed it out to me three months ago (for another extraction)!

No wonder my damn teeth are falling out!

Makes flossing a snap with every other tooth missing.

Along with a pretty good wascally wabbit imitation...

(Stuttering)

"That's all folks."

Fact is that tonight I feel afraid.

And every time I start to log off I start crying!

Thank you guys for your input. Your perspectives really helped. As much as I am thrilled with getting over the huge hurdle of 30 years of flashbacks, I was really feeling worried and depressed over the sudden advent of anxiety where there used to be none.

And I loved your "I just offered an excessively long response," Phlox! Personally, I'm incapable of writing a short post... so your note made me chuckle. I hope your day got better.

~ Wistala