Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Support Group

Waving back as well as possible with my bad arm.... :-D

Good to be back... and great to see that at least some of my good friends are still around!!

D.

Oh no! brassai!

What happened to your arm?!

Well... part of the story is in my journal (this all started in May).

The upshot is that I got a staph infection in my right upper arm. The good news is that it was not MRSA (commonly known as flesh-eating). The bad news is that it was really bad. the doc did an emergency surgery to flush the infection out as good as he could the same day. A follow up surgery a few days later, he flushed it again and took out some dead tissue. I was in the hospital for just under 2 weeks, then home on IV antibiotics after that.

Due to the Infectious Disease guy not listening to me, 4 days after He cleared me of having any infection, It was back with a vengeance... worse than the first time. I was back in the hospital the same day, and scheduled for another surgery the next morning. I was told there was a 65% chance that I'd come out without the arm and part of my shoulder.

I was there a week, and again at home on IV antibiotics for 6 weeks. The side story is that all this time I was off my meds for Psoriatic Arthritis, so literally every joint in my body was in pain... the "bounce-back" effect.

Last week the shoulder started hurting bad in a new way. Doc said it's a good chance that it was Osteo Mylitis (a concern all along from the infection) and if it was, in the place it was hurting... only option was again, losing the arm. He put it at 70% this time, pending an MRI a couple of days ago.

I still have my arm.

Turns out that my Psoriatic Arthritis (which is very degenerative) took a bite out of the bone between the last surgery and now... and caused some additional irritation. Doc says we may want to do another surgery to fix that, but no time soon... he wants the arm to finish healing, get the Psoriatic Arthritis stabilized, that'll let us start physical therapy to open up the range of motion, and restore some of the strength where I had muscle death from the infection. Something like 2 years down the road + or - a little.

At the end of it all he says my arm should end up at about 80-90% of original... but that's better than not having it!!!

I guess this got longer than I'd expected.
D.

Response supplied in your "Finally bacl" post.

I cannot sleep.

Interview canceled.

Someone close to me has a really strong need to cause me to feel very small and as though I am a burden and liability. I am up because I hoped I could trust her at one time, and am now feeling duped, insulted, and unwelcome in my own home.

I did not pull any punches! That's no guarantee, I know. My being kind and fair to others often results in more hostility toward me. Why is this?!

Over-tired. Worried. Winter is just around the corner. I thought I could manage a transition, but I cannot do this without money or support.

What am I going to do?!!!

I hear you when it comes to the "bullying" effect! Either people think that PTSD is just going to go away or a fair amount of medications will make it better.
In my experience, I have worked with the woman who started my rollercoaster for the last 3 years until I finally cracked.....literally....
I believe that the human race has the least amount of compassion and understanding for one another, when in fact it should be the opposite!
I have looked for many months to find a support system or group of people that understand and can share experiences in order to make it through another day...
I'm glad to have "met" you and invite you to email and chat with me anytime.
:) Toshigirl :)

Ya know Phlox, you may have thought she was close, but... well.. it sounds like she needed some mucous spattered upon her. I think a hard thing for most people to realize that there are just some people that do not belong in our lives. Surprisingly, I think sufferers learn and apply this faster and better than "normals" (which should how hard it is to learn and do)

WE are the ones that were subjected to unneeded trauma. WE are the victims of our environment at the hands of our so-called "fellow humans". WE have survived and EARNED the right to take our power back. WE dictate who deserves to have us in their lives, to learn, to experience, and yes... to allow them the PRIVILEGE of supporting us on our terms.

If they don't, we are the ones t decide whether we want to remain victims to the new abusers (no matter who, how loving, or well meaning they be). WE CHOOSE. It's their loss, but I don't have time for anyone who doesn't want to be a part of my Life. Period. Being supportive doesn't mean carrying me, or even being there all the time when I'm in crisis mode. Doesn't even mean understanding the syndrome of CPTSD. It means being a friend, doing what you can when you can, taking what you need from me when I can pay it back, and be willing to take it as a pay-forward on occasion.

I wasted 19+ years of my life in trauma, and another 20 before I knew it and started dealing with it. It's taken up too much of my life to let anyone else take and not give something constructive (or at least not DEstructive) back.

D.

brassai,

Well, it has not been easy in the past several months; and the past week I have feared a breakdown (feeling antagonized as well); but I took the "high road," and responded to each strike with diplomacy and tact (with the help of counselors and some legal helpers...and did not want to have to do that, but felt cornered). I don't want the contest. I was not interested in the fight or in a challenge. I feel very afraid and vulnerable. I think it's just too bad that this person (in particular) could not see any advantage behaving with courtesy at least and more reason with me. I REALLY AND SINCERELY LIKED her as a person at first and even seen future possibilities/potential in the acquaintance. It's been a very upsetting ordeal and each step of the way I was exposed to triggers, which challenged my ability to respond appropriately. I don't understand the shift in her behavior toward me. On top of the emotional attacks and the repeated violations, I am feeling betrayed and misled. Things have calmed at least for now. I decided to lock up for the weekend to rejuvenate. If I don't, I WILL have a nervous breakdown (if I have not already).

I REALLY appreciate the affirmations you offered. I have tried very hard not to, but had begun to doubt myself. I am very appreciative.
Thank you.