What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a term for certain psychological consequences of exposure to, or confrontation with, stressful experiences that the person experiences as h...
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The memories are tormenting me…
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The memories are tormenting me…
During the first month I could not fall a sleep and I could not get out of bed either. I would lie in bed until noon as I completely lacked the energy to even get up. When I would finally get up I would go to some group meeting in some church just to be around people. After the meeting I couldn’t even think about going back home. Being at home scared the hell out of me. It was there is all happened… On Jan. 29th a judge signed the final decree of the divorce I petitioned. Before that, on Jan. 23 the same judge dismissed all charges against me. These were false allegations against me made by the women I was briefly married to, for only three months… On Jan. 16 I was served by the sheriff. They had a judge’s order to take my car and deliver it to this women. The car was totally mine. We had a prenup. It was also a premarital property. She made the allegations in order to gain immigration benefits and in order to get a car that wasn’t hers. When I met her in October 2005 she was a Domestic Violence Victim and I wanted to help. I never imagined she would end up accusing me of the same. I offered her and her 3 sons to stay in my house. In august 2008 she asked (begged) me to marry her because she was out of legal status in the US and wanted to become legal and needed to see her son in Mexico. Again I wanted to help and I agreed. On Aug. 27 – 2008 she and I got married. Immediately after we got married her behavior changed dramatically. It became clear to me that something was totally wrong with our marriage. She threatened me to “leave me a present” meaning “send me to jail”. I thought she was under a lot of stress and again I felt pity. On Oct. 5 – 2008 I filed for immigration for her and on Nov. 9 – 2008 for her 2 children. She had managed to create a deep conflict between her 2 children and their own father and now she was working on doing the same between her 2 children and me. Her children’s behavior was becoming more and more unhealthy. When I discussed her sons’ situation with her she lost her temper, and later she would turn that into Emotional Violence in order to gain Immigration Benefits. On November 27 she told her son, to cut off the TV cables which he did in 4 places. As I realized the situation was becoming very unhealthy I asked her to look for another place to stay. On November 29 she went to the police which escorted her and her children back to our residence. On Sunday Nov. 30 2008 she informed me that she intends to stay married only for the purpose of gaining Immigration Benefits. On Monday Dec. 1 2008 – for the above reason - I filed the Divorce Petition. She immediately began to look for ways to retaliate against me. She joined the Domestic Violence Program - VAWA claiming there was “Emotional Violence” against her children. On Dec. 19 2008 she and her children left our residence and moved to the Dekalb County Domestic Violence Women’s Shelter. She left to the shelter using my 2007 SUV that I lent her. On Dec. 31 2008 I came to her sister’s house to wish them a Happy New Year and to pick up my 2007 SUV. When I was driving the vehicle away she and her two sons ran out in front of the vehicle in an attempt to forcefully stop the running vehicle thus endangering their own lives and mine. On Jan. 8 2009 she filed a petition for a Temporary Protective Order - FALSELY accusing me for domestic violence against her and her children. On Jan. 23 2009 the Temporary Protective Order was dismissed by a Superior Court judge – finding her accusations to be FALSE. While giving her testimony she referred to events that allegedly took place on a trip to Orlando, FL in June 2008, proving that when she asked me to marry her in August 2008 her intentions were dishonest. Finally, on Jan. 29 2009 the FINAL DECREE of Divorce was granted a Superior Court judge. The memories are still tormenting me. I am suffering from insomnia, nightmares, flashbacks and the same thoughts repeat over and over again causing physical pain – stomach aches, chest pains, head-aches, elevated heart beat… I would love to have your recommendations. Any ideas for recovery would be great. Thanks. Posted on 07/04/09, 01:07 pm |
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I think it is important that you find a doctor who specializes in PTSD and who offers regular counselling. You'll want to discover what your role in all this is and why you chose a woman like you did or you will probably end up with another just like her.
Have you been officially diagnosed with PTSD yet? A great resource is a book called "Trauma and Recovery" by Judith Herman. I wish I could say that time heals all things, but it doesn't. Time and effort heals. This requires fearless honesty and looking into our own shadow places. We also need a willingness to move beyond them. How quickly you get help can make a difference as to how severe your PTSD becomes. Be kind to yourself as you work through this. Try to see yourself as something other than a victim, because victim thinking keeps us sick. This might upset you and it's not my intent, but I want to share my own experience with you. I am a survivor of domestic violence and what I learned in counselling about it is that it takes two to tango. There is a consent involved when you choose to be the victim just as surely as when you choose to be the perpetrator. That is not to say that we want to be abused, only that we played a role that allowed it to happen. When we acknowledge that, we take back the power of choice which means we never have to find ourselves in that place again. I highly recommend you investigate the cycle of violence/abuse to see your own role in it. You see, she chose you for a reason...and you chose her for one, as well. Acknowledging my own unhealthy behaviour was the only way that I could take my power back and truly see my role in it all. It was liberating. http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/... 
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What a terrible experience. Sounds like a nightmare.
My thoughts: You need to find a therapist whom you trust so you can talk about all the stuff that occurred between the time you met this crazy lady until your divorce. I'm reading "Trauma and Recovery" by Judith Herman, MD. and like bato said, this book is a great resource - for me, it is leading toward recovery since my life seemed to be surrounded by crazy people like the woman you tried to help- and much more. Thank goodness you are done with that woman. It's real important that you NOT pick out the same type of female next time around and therapy will help you realize you are a good person and you need someone who shares your values. Your ex-whatsyamacallit did a 'real number' on you. This probably happens a lot. But thank god it is over and now you can begin healing. You may need meds to help you calm down and get some sleep too. Stay away from cafeine & sodas. Do pick up the book bato and I recommend. The author talks about how manipulative people (especially narcassistic personality disorder) can twist things around to get what they want. My heart goes out to you. I met a man from Australia who begged me to marry him. My friends warned me that he was looking to get a Visa card. I didn't want to get married but boy, he did his level best to try and get married. I feel lucky that he dumped me. Be gentle to yourself.
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Hello (Hola), and sorry about your ordeal with this woman. I agree that it sounds nightmarish.
The symptoms you describe are common with PTSD, although I would recommend what others have. To see a doctor--from which you can determine the best course of action. It may be that your symptoms will be brief and short-lived. If so, you are fortunate. I could not offer any better advice than what has already been suggested. I liked the additional suggestions to explore what may be going on internally that caused you to choose this relationship. Be good to you. With hope you have found some of this helpful.
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I to think you need to find a doctor who works with PTSD because if you dont work on it ..it gets worse. I have had it for 49 years now after 6 years I can finally get out of bed but I am still sick and cant sleep I never feel safe. there is a work book on PTSD you can try that also there is a good websit I will find that for you.
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try the website DRAGONS DREAMING DRAGONS if you have trouble finding it just email me
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