Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Support Group

I'd agree that feeling safe is necessary for us to heal and grow. Maybe we cannot feel safe in all things or many things.....but can we find something small to feel safe with? Can we find one person that we feel safe with? Can we make "feeling safe" in our lives grow to other people and places and things? Maybe we can find a small place to feel safe for a small amount of time a day? Can we think of ways to make "safeness" expand?

Thank you Lynnda,

Here's an example...

I went out twice on my bike today. Both times tried to go to the store. When I got there, I was triggered both times (especially the second rape). I left the first time and came home. I went to another store later and the same thing happened. I found myself in hyper alert status. Like I was on a battlefield...watching for the enemy at every corner. This particular trigger also makes me sick (I want to puke). I was biking and the exercise helps, I came home, and I locked the doors behind me. I scrambled for someone to talk to, but have already exhausted all of my talk resources today; so I get on the net...trying desperately to find new ones...then I give up.

I do what I can to deal with the triggers, but today they were too much. I feel so alone and terrified. Lastnight, I kept waking up...haven't slept well at all. I just feel so terrified, so vulnera le, and so very alone.

I use my coping tools. They have helped me in many ways, including to to not react so explosively. I used to get so upset before that I would smash things. I use ice and stress sacks now, but the anger gets so bad that I can really, truly do some serious damage (I can break rocks and bricks). The emotion inside is overwhelming and so powerful that it even scares me sometimes. I think this is why the exercise is so good for me. And I can do so many things that are healthy ways of coping; but there are emotions that I can't shake. I can't seem to feel safe. I always feel afraid. Like the world is a battlefield, and every time I go out there I feel like a soldier poised for attack. I just wish that I could feel safe.

There was a time when I lived downtown. It was all around me all the time. I only had very brief moments where I would feel relief, but blnever safe.

The triggers! They constantly cause me to feel helpless and vulnerable and scared. Like I said, I do my best. I try so hard. I also felt trapped. It is one thing to experience the triggers, but to not be able to get away...to exit...to leave. All of it reminding me of things that I can't bear to recall. It disgusts and scares the shit out of me. My anxiety is peaked. I am home. I got stuff I would need so I would just stay inside this weekend.

I just know that I need so badly to feel safe in order to heal and I do not feel safe.

Moments where I feel relief from triggers is not the same. I am always on high alert.

Feeling a little embarrassed that I was not as articulate as usual. I'm feeling more reactive than usual.
Primarily, the impulse to GO is very strong right now. Very strong. But I know from experience that to do so without a plan is too risky. If I had the resources to do so, I would have left this town years ago. What a nightmare!

Always feel so much tension in my head, too. And my stomach is icky.

I am embarrased that I lost my composure in this post. Not that it matters really, except that I like to think that I am helpful to others here, too...and worry that if I lose it...I am not being a good helper for the others here.

I ask God for help. I have for over ten years.

I really want and need to know what safe feels like.

Hi phloxinsox,
Please read discussion: Finding a safe place. I wrote my response for you there. Yes, I know what it is like to need to feel safe and the terror of 'knowing' why I suddenly need to feel safe, what it is that drives that alarming urge to go, to flee from the 'psudeo-now' into relief of the true now (untriggered).
Peace be to you.

It's ok to "fall apart" a little here. Maybe it means that you feel safe enough here to. Anyway....I didn't even see anything to be embarassed by. Seems like you have more than anyone should have on their plate. I was just wishing to say something helpful/useful.....you are in a very difficult situation. At least know that my sentiments are in the right place. At least know that we are listening to you and hearing you.

Thank you Lynnda