Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Holy cow this is a lot to answer right now. Let me think and get back to via message ok? I'll be talking to you, tcat

Bump...I am working on this!

1) I experienced emotional/psychological abuse as a child.

2) As a small child, I was very frightened. I coped by “hiding” within myself – not talking much, not interacting with others – burying myself in books/alternate realities, homework, etc…… As a teenager I became very angry. I started attending counseling, but I also started speaking out towards the person perpetrating the abuse.

3) Fairly well, with the exception of having to be totally cut off from the perpetrator of the abuse. My mother. We have no interactions in 3D or by telephone. I mail her pictures and letters, but that is the only contact we have. Other contact is not safe, because she was continuing to use that contact as a method of control, emotional/psychological manipulation and abuse.

4) YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 399%

5) Yes. I considered myself successful. Yes, people were ALWAYS coming to me. Even adults and people I considered to be authority figures came to me.

6) Absolutely. This happened frequently.

7) This does continue to happen, to an extent. But now, something has changed. I’m not sure what it is, people still confide in me, but there is a difference in what they confide and how they share it. It’s almost like before I was a sponge – I would draw people to me and just soak in everything. Now, I really focus more on myself and my needs. I am really not interested in attracting others to myself or drawing them in, although I do cherish my time with loved ones and friends, and I still like meeting others and interacting with them (now), I do not seem to have that sign on my forehead that reads “tell me your life story and all your woes”. Instead, people tend to do more modeling after me, less talking and spilling of their souls, and more honest/straightforward/assertive communication. Does this make sense to anyone?

8) Not sure if I’m above average intelligence??? I am VERY successful academically (3.6 GPA through high school, 3.8 through college while getting my bachelors degree, 3.98 GPA through my Masters degree program, 4.0 through my PH.D courses (only attended one semester).

9) Again, not sure I’d be considered gifted, but I do love research and co-authored a study that was presented for the Eastern Psychological Association conference several years ago. Yes – I am always looking for personal relevancy, meaning, application, and implications for further research, etc…. in anything I learn, read, discover.

10) I have a Masters Degree. I finished one semester of my PH.D program. I will soon be certified as an aqua aerobics instructor.

11) YES! See # 7

12) Yes – but as I said before, it is in a different manner. It seems people are less about “spilling and dumping and just telling me everything and pouring out emotions – more about sharing concise, honest, emotions and information rather than (I hate to even use this term), “whining”. I hate that term but I can’t think of any other way to phrase it. The sharing is more cathartic and has more purpose and direction now – there is a sense of healing and forward movement to it, rather than just getting everything out in the open with no sense of catharsis, purpose, direction, resolution. Does this make sense???

13) No. Not usually. Not unless someone is REALLY in a lot of pain, and then I tend to use touch, just being with the person, etc…….

14) It’s not a matter of enjoying it – I HAVE to multitask to get through the day. I’m a stay at home mom.

15) While my symptoms were at the worst, my frustration was with not being able to and experiencing difficulty functioning. It was all I could do just to get out of bed for some time, and, as I said, I stay at home with my children, so I have HAD to get out of bed. Then, it was also excessively overwhelming for me just to be alive and to make it from one two minute period to the next. Now that most of my symptoms are less severe and many of them now non existent, my frustration is dealing with the ongoing fear, anxiety, etc….. that creeps into my thoughts and feelings – making every decision seem at once frightening, overwhelming, and HUGE (like it’s a matter of life and death, because if I make a wrong decision something terrible might happen - as my mind would like to convince me. Also a hypersensitivity to violence, fear, emergency situations, etc……. in real life/3D and in books and on tv. I also still experience some mild PTSD symptoms (which can escalate to moderate/severe if I don’t do grounding/coping techniques) with exposure to things that remind me of my trauma – ambulances, hospitals, birthing shows on tv, etc….. I also get greatly frustrated by lack of interest/arousal related to sex.

16) It depends…….if I am excessively stressed, fearful, overwhelmed I tend to throw adult versions of tantrums – raise my voice, stomp my feet, hit my hands on the counter, slam the cupboard, sometimes yell or growl. If I am fairly collected and not excessively stressed, fearful, overwhelmed, I remain fairly calm, cool, and collected. However, since the trauma, I have, in general felt all my emotions more frequently and more intensly. I continue to be more distracted, more on autopilot, more forgetful, less organized and less together much of the time which means that I am also still easily agitated and stressed and seem to begin my days predisposed to being stressed, anxious, aggravated, agitated.

17) Yes, in academic arenas. And no – lots of times I act more from my heart, my emotions, my spiritual self than from my analytical or academic self.

18) I am very emotional. I always have been. I used to cope with this (pre-trauma) by intensely and rigidly controlling my emotions/holding them in check/containing them. Now, they are fairly free flowing. I do contain them a bit to maintain social acceptability in public arenas, but in general I experience my emotions and express them much more often and with much more intensity.

19) There is a history of mental illness on both sides of my family. My paternal grandmother is schizophrenic (though I had limited contact with her in youth), my paternal uncles are either antisocial personality disorder or have MR (again, contact with them was limited). My mother and father divorced when I was 2, so I didn’t see my dad or his family much. My sister and half sister have mild MR. My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. My mother, I am certain, suffered from some undiagnosed mental illness – major depression or some anxiety disorder. She also used a lot of drugs and alcohol for a number of years. My maternal aunt has an eating disorder, OCD, and probably at least one other anxiety disorder.

20) Right now, I release stress and deal most effectively with it through a routine of holistic self-care. I attend church and Sunday school and read a lot of spiritual material. I meditate. I do yoga. I do some type of aerobics (water aerobics, elliptical machine, biking, Leslie Sansone walking tape) 2-3 days a week and then a combination of yoga, resistance, and weight training on alternate days. I spend time playing with my kids. I work part time – between 3-6 hours/week. I read. I journal. I participate in forums such as this (when I’m not sick, as I have been the past week). I spend time with my husband and communicate regularly with friends. I try to get “alone time” for at least 2 hours each week. I pay close attention to diet – eating largely fruits, veggies, and protein. The COMBINATION of these things, done regularly, consistently, daily is at a 10. But, if I am out of balance or miss some of these things or fail to do them regularly/consistently/daily for more than a day or two, the effectiveness falls to a 2 or 3. It seems I really need to be healthy and disciplined and attentive in each area of my personhood WITHOUT OVER-DOING (this is equally important, if I over-do, the effectiveness also drops to a 2 or 3 – that’s why BALANCE is soooooo important). Prior to the trauma, I coped with stress by stuffing my emotions and pretending like nothing was wrong – I also “threw” myself into work and academics – pushing myself to get all A’s/be the best at work/work long hours/obtain multiple certifications/degrees. This worked VERY well for a long time (24 years) because I had a sense of accomplishment, I was doing something society and my communities applauded, my bosses loved me, and I had tangible rewards (in my pay check and in plaques, trophies, certifications…….) And so, naturally, this is what I tried following the traumas – throwing myself into school, work, housework – being the best in every arena. And when I realized it wasn’t working, I tried exercising, because it had helped in high school and college – as a coping tool. It did not help. After 6 months of trying on my own to cope, I finally saw a therapist.