Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

In my case, my PTSD is a by-product of a childhood of constant fear. I was not even safe in my bed. After I had the cognitive ability to run away from that, I was further fear-conditioned by the spots available to throw-away kids.

I am now a combat trained veteran who abhors whining out of others. I look real funny trying to kick my own ass when my inner child fears the combat trained veteran.

In my case, PTSD is the manifestation of fear conditioning.

What an interesting question you've posed!

Thinking back over the last couple of years, since the PTSD surfaced for me, and now with the understanding gained from a new doctor, that my adrenals ARE screwed up and I am stuck in flight/fight mode - constantly producing TOO much cortisol, I review some of the circumstances that paralyzed me with fear or terror.

I used to be the calmest, most collected person of all. Now, I crumble into a Lucille Ball over life stresses. Alot of my stress comes from absolutely no extra money, not enough money to barely keep the bills paid and some groceries in the cupboard, let alone handle unexpecteds, like cars breaking down or household issues. Those sorts of issues trigger a panic, but I can get through them.

The ones that have terrified me are: being woke in the wee hours of the morning when the Australian Cattle Dog pup was going ballistic to stumble into the living room, groggy from sleep, to see a strange, tall man, smoking a cigarette, at my sliding glass door, which was not locked! Going through the two months of being on way too much thyroid, being dropped by the dr (who is as narcissistic as they come) and he refusing to lower the dose when I finally realized what was wrong (I was one day away from the psyche ward I was so screwed up heading right into a thyroid storm); getting the call from my son, voice panicked, that he'd totalled his truck. There's more, but this is a few examples and what I see in all three is - I FELT powerless.

Another incidence that happened recently that sent the shiver of terror through me that is directly related to the abuse I was married to: my dr friend, who I have/had a great connection with, uh . . .slipped and I saw a piece of him that scared the shit out of me. I've been going to this dr for years and he's been a great friend, a coach, and there's chemistry/connection there - but he's never asked me out - I assumed I just didn't make his 'must' list, thinking he obviously isn't 'that into me' -it is what it is. I've sought other drs, but looking back, I realize they were all women. When I sought out another dr who specializes in fatigue, in another state, no less, my dr friend showed total support and wanted to talk to him, wanting to learn all he could, so I pulled up this dr (male)'s phone number and handed my cell to him to write the number down. I saw out of the corner of my eye, my dr friend pushing buttons and assumed he was just returning the phone to the main screen. A few hours later, however, I went to call the out of state dr and found his number was deleted. The chances that it was accidental were slim, but not impossible. That, though, sent a tremor through me. I had been married to a morbidly jealous man. What I went through getting away from my now 'ex' was nothing short of terrifying (I keep a loaded shotgun by my bed, now, because my ex is predictably unpredictable). The next time, the last time, I saw my dr friend, he had done a 180 - he was angry, he was closed, he was hard. My safe place with him is no longer safe. However, I did not feel powerless in this. I KNEW I am responsible for keeping myself safe and that I have the power and the right and the wisdom to walk away. I am left with total confusion and I may never have the answers. But, I have the wisdom to choose to be safe.

And, true to PTSD form, I recognize 'chronic fear' in my thoughts, emotions, body. I battle fear constantly.

In my experience my PTSD comes from being afraid and feeling unsafe in my house, church and school.

I deal with unnecessary, excessive or unrealistic fear as part of my treatment. So fear has been a serious issue since day one for me.

Today I address fear exclusively when I feel like it's taking over my life. When I feel that I can't function or go by my day properly because of it.

Thanks all for helping put this into some perspective for me. I understand arfie and dbpalm about the fear conditioning and allowing fear to permeate our lives and our thoughts.

Do y'all seem to get triggered more when lots of stuff goes on in the news or when there seems to be a prevalence of bullying and hate speech going on within society? Its bothering the bejeezus out of me but then I got to wondering does this trigger other PTSD folks too? I mean the mass shootings, images of war in the middle east, police shootings, negative campaign ads, that sort of thing.... it seems like most people are desensitized to it all, but I know I can become hyper sensitized to conflicts, violence, etc.

Yes! I do not watch the news or read the paper. One article or story about a psychopath sends me into orbit :(

While I do stay informed about current events, I don't engage mentally w/ all the worlds woes that are beyond my capacity to improve.

Most of human history we didn't have instantaneous media bombardment w/ all the news of misfortune and cruelty in the world. There were floods, earthquakes, wars, volcanic eruptions, but we weren't required to constantly contemplate them. People were allowed more collective peace of mind, I think. Now one either becomes philosophical about the uncertain nature of life, or just a lot more nervous.

The line between rational justified fear and excessive fear is a pretty fuzzy one. To me the real distinction is whether me can hold it together enough to take appropriate action in the midst of real danger.

In this group we all have one thing in common, we ARE survivors. Now if we could just find some salve to clear up that pesky mental scar tissue.

I go back and forth on that one.

On one hand, a trigger is a trigger and getting hit by 30 of them in a day makes me feel like I volunteered to be a target on a firing range. Maybe closer to one of the little rabbits in a carnival game. I bet that rabbit goes psychotic from it, too.

On the other hand, they are MY triggers. The whatevers that set me off are not responsible for their effects on me. Those would be mine to deal with.

Seems to me the truth is usually a blending of the extremes. Maybe here, too.

www.heartmath.org/destresskit

I don't remember who introduced us to HeartMath so I'm hugging everyone one here to make sure she gets a hug! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

The above link is a pdf on destressing - a teeny excerpt "chronic fear numbs are heart and represses our spirit, blocking hope"

Reading this - knowing my blueprint just keeps getting crumbled, but I am still going to LOVE!

I have agoraphobia.
I used to just...go away.
For whatever reason, I'm stuck here now. :(
The world is very hard and has lots of pointy bits.