Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Support Group

Does she WANT to go to court? That or something else seems to be stressing her out big time.

she is very angry and tells me she needs to go to court to get this resolved - whether the outcome is good or bad. she has indicted this man in front of the grand jury twice, she is very strong, she says going to trial will make her feel vindicated. I am just so afraid for her she is actually stronger than the family when it comes to this issue, we were told to be very careful that he could grab her and hurt her more she is under strict rules, cant go out with friends or anywhere alone - maybe we are all putting the pressure on her inculding the DA and police she says she just wants to be a normal teenager thank you for replying

I am a survivor of two rapes...one of which occurred when I was also 15.

Strangest thing happened when I reported the first rape to my mother. She yelled outside to all of the neighbors that I was sleeping with her boyfriend?!!!

Anyway, point is that (even with support) prosecution has consequences.

The victim legally gets to (or should get to) decide whether he/she wants to proceed (if at all). It's a judgment call, and one that requires very careful and responsible discernment--regardless of whether or not she is a minor. Is vindication really of interest to her (at this point) or is that your interest? Is she capable of dealing with the re-traumatization as it is hashed out in court? Have all of the risks to her been carefully examined/considered?
Does "she" understand those risks? Does she want to prosecute?

Even many years following the rapes in my history, I could not handle prosecution. As a minor who is obviously traumitized as well, she may not really able to discern for herself, and the whole process may contribute to her feeling helpless.

I'm not advocating not prosecuting. I believe everyone's situation is different. Even as a minor, she should be able to decide what is best for her (psychologically, emotionally, socially, etc.), but oftentimes the trauma also clouds judgment.

Whatever is decided, I just hope that she is respected. Including if she's not ready or cannot handle it.

I would be interested in knowing what the therapist recommends?

My primary concern would be in her ability to handle this and whether or not her choice to do so or not is being regarded and respected.

Sorry! I just noted your subsequent response...that answered questions I posed in mine. I blocked out, Think this post has triggered me...so will politely bow out.

I guess I just want to express that I am sorry about what happened to your daughter, and more than anything I pray for her safety...now and in the future.

Don't have advice, just support. My daughter was raped at 13. We went to counseling and our church had a mentor group for teen girls that had an older woman teamed with a girl for weekly meeting and she met with her for a year. My daughter was in some social groups at church too. She didn't talk about it a lot to us, but she has now, 8 years later, made a good recovery and is an LPN and has been married for 3 years so there is hope. It was important to her that the man went to jail, which he did, but she didn't have to testify as the rapes resulted in pregancy so the proof was already there, and he pled guilty. She placed her daughter in an open adoption and we get to see her once a year and that has been a very good relationship for her. It takes time to heal, but it can happen. Just keep love and patience in good supply. Good luck to you guys!

I'm so sorry for your daughter and really commend the support you are giving her. As you say she wants to prosecute so you just have to be there for her. Try and do things that she enjoys, nice things together totally unrelated to be a positive distraction. She will talk if she wants to, just offer her avenues to relax and take her mind off of it. She will soon tell you I'm sure if that's not what she needs from you OR just ask her what you can do to help at this time and what you she needs from you and the family. Lots of love to you all xxxx

Also, painting and jounaling isn't for everyone so don't force things upon her. When she is ready she will do what she needs to do to heal xxxx

i was not raped but i do have ptsd. iv been going to therapy for the ptsd on and off for 4yrs (i was also going befor the crash) it wasnt till febuary that i started to deal with the crash instead i would talk about day to day things. week to week it depends on wheather i talk about what happened or not. its very hard to deal with ptsd (at least for me ) every one around me wants me to feel better right now and says things like i should be pasted this and its over and done so move on. and i know they say these to try to help but it doesnt they want me to feel better and act like i dont. its self punishment for me. ok well this is gone off on the wrong way. i do get where your daughter is comeing from with the anger. the one person i still feel closest to i am very mean and hurtful to.

Thank you all of you for replying, it helps to know that people care. She is so ready to go to court that it scares me and her twin!!!! She wants to put him away. I was a victim also when I was 12 and I never told anybody but my husband, we were 16. He helped me so much through, but it came back in certain periods of my life and now the anxiety the panic the worry has come back for my daugter. Before I told the police, which I know now as an adult it is the right thing to do as a responsible parent, I asked her are you sure you want to report this! Imnmediately she said yes, I wish this whole thing would go away (back as a little girl who is 12 and vulnerable) I prayed he would take a plea bargain, but he said no so here we go!! She has been seeing a therapist and also me and the family for a 1 1/2 year it is helping her and her therapist has great confidence in her ability to do this and that it needs to be a process for her. My husband and I all we want to do is to protect her from being hurt again, but we can not stop her decsion - if we did, I feel we are not letting her do what she needs to do as a victim and a very brave girl. The reprcussions- yes we have talk in length about them, that is why she feels like a prisioner, she knows she has to exactly what the professsionals tell her what to do or the outcome will not be the way she wants it (to put him in jail for a very long time so he can not do this again) this has not been his first offense he has numerous charges against him that we found out in the investigation. I delfinetly feel that she feels helplessness so doesn't the whole family but the ultimate person (my daughter) has the right to do what she feels is necessary for herself, and she has expressed to us that this will make her feel like she is doing something about this horrible tragedy. She is so brave!! I do not know where she gets her strength, the therapist explained she gets it within because she feels so vicitimized and she does not want this ever to happend to her again. Thank you for all your kind words of support and I am so sorry for all of your pain. Some great suggestions in not forcing her to do certain things just to concentrate on what makes her happy. We learned in therapy that bubbles help her and just simply fun kid toys. She gives me sometimes a hard time about therapy going every week, but she comes out of there feeling better, stronger, and she seems to be processing the full spectrum. thank you all of you.

Yesterday we found out that certain evidence was not going to be thrown out. that was good news, but it all makes us and especially her go through another couple of rough days. I spoke to his ex wife and his children are very angry with my child and me for going forward with this, I woke up this morning feeling very blue for all the people that he has hurt my children, his children, aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors, friends, it is so terrible I just hope and pray every day that we can get through this. I know it will not be over, but maybe she will have a better recovery than I did, that she feels that people love her and care about her. That people believe her and not blame her, that he is the monster not her.

She told me she does not believe in god or a higher power now, she has lots of questions about relgion. she was raised as a catholic and there are so many questions that we have been talking through. I and the therapist explained to her that her spirtuality comes within and it has been tested, so people become stronger in that area so people are confused - God she is only 15 - she is so intense and bright to be thinking of all of her, her protectness of her body, boys, how girls behave in school thinking that nothing is wrong having sex with several people, she is a thinker - I tell her we have been blessed that he brought her home that he did not kill her or some other tragic ending - she is safe now - I dont know sometimes I just feel like hurting this man and making some of her pain go away, I know that is not right and will not solve anything, I am so angry and hurt that this thing has done such a horrible, disgusting acts upon my beautiful baby!!!! Well thanks for listening and I have to go to my own therapy seesion. thank you

i just have to add dont push religion. i was a confermed catholic about a year after i was confermed i quit going and befor that i quit beliving i will not say my views on the catholic chruch but i will say that after i stopped beliving i was still made to go to church and that made me feel more strong against the catholic church and god.