Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Support Group

Hi freeplease!

Well....your original question is: "Does this ever subside?" I would have to say yes. 14 years ago I was on the verge of dying either by my own hand or by my abusive husband's. I only knew abuse for the first 20 years of my life. I was at a point where I was so totured by my mind.....that even when not being actively abused...my mind would paralyze me to a point of hearing and thinking people were out to get me at every turn when I was awake and hauting me in my dreams. Sometimes I'd trap myself from fear in my room for 12hrs.

Anyway.....the biggest move I ever made was to get out of that toxic enviornment. The next biggest move was to rid my life of all toxic people. (This was actually a process of several years) and then the third thing was to include healthy people in my life. I did however, do all these things with the help of a very great therapist. And now I can say that ever year of my life has been better than the last.

(When I started therapy I was practically mute....and wrote my therapist a letter to communicate....I barely made eye contact and we sat in silence lots of the time....until I trusted her....the first person I trusted.....wow...that was forever ago....I am now symptom free for more time than not....I enjoy life...wow!)

I am not saying this to overwhelm you with things.....I'm saying this so that maybe you can visualize something...a future for yourself....where your life gets progressively healthier and happier. It IS possible!

Back 14 years ago....all I could imagine was getting out of the excruciating pain of it all.....anyway possible. It was almost impossible to see through that dark dark existence I was in. But there was always a huge part of me that thought I could live and enjoy life...and deserved to.

Humm.....I too am looking for a good therapist. I have shocked and overwhelmed some therapists with my stories of abuse....unintentionally.....we all have a unique experience....we deserve to have someone who can help us.

I have been googling and searching for therapists that have experience with EMDR. I'm going on the presumption that any therapist who has had years of experience with EMDR has listened to countless stories of abuse of different types and will be able to hear what I have to share as well. Even if you don't want EMDR therapy....I'm thinking it is a good start to finding someone qualified to deal with PTSD and severe trauma such as yours.

You should not have to deal with this alone. Hopefully you can search and find some qualified help.....maybe make calls to everyone listed and explain a bit....once I even got a therapist on a sliding fee just because she was transferring her license from out of state and was required to put in more hours......

In the meantime....we are here on DS. It is not "too heavy" for us. Let us know what you need...what things you are sorting through....this is a great group that gives excellent support.

((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))

It does subside. I too was sold, trafficked, tortured, etc. I thought the memories would never stop haunting me, the pain, both physical and psychological would never go away.

It took going through a lot of therapists, most didn't know what to do with me and wouldn't listen anyway. I finally got the intensive treatment I needed and everything is so much better. I don't have flashbacks anymore. I can remember and talk about things that before would have sent me into a panic attack.

I'm so sorry you are still suffering but please don't give up.

Hi freeplease,

Please know there is nothing so deep and dark that we have not already read in this support group.

By the grace of God I have never been sold. But my husband raped me whenever he wanted sex and I didn't.

My husband and my own family members mentally tortured me for 55 years...until I said "no more".

I have been through hell and back so many times. I have worked very hard on 'moving forward'. Having a good therapists helped me realize it wasn't me that was 'nuts' it was the abusive people in my life ... who abused me as a child and then years later started abusing me as an adult. Plus there was my 'master of mind-games husband' who was the best at his 'sport' (playing mindgames).

How did I do this?

As Lynnda said, getting rid of toxic people and staying out of toxic environments.This is withought a doubt the hardest decision I have ever made...to get ride of the toxic people in life...they were my family: ex-husband, mom, sister, niece, brother and so on.

I only allow kind and loving people in my life and if someone *I think is loving* turns out to be otherwise - I eliminate them. I do not give 2nd chances. I don't make a big deal about it ... I'm just not available for that person again. Ever.

With a lot of hard work by you and a trusted therapist, you can overcome your horrendous past.

Some people can't let go of abusive family members ... and I understand that but I feel sorry for them because these people will never change.

I was the person that changed.

Realize the truth. Never lose *hope*.

Peace.

I don't know if this is the right place to do this but I wanted to thank you all so much. Everyone else just wants to minimise my pain or make it go away because they feel helpless and I understand that but i have been feeling more and more inauthentic- just a cardboard cutout because nobody wants to know the real me. It has been so lonely.
Just waking up this morning and finding these messages made me cry tears of relief- that someone else shares this. Of course I know intellectually that they do because I have read stories similar to mine but to actually communicate (albeit virtual communication) with felllow human beings in the same pain has given me hope that I am not the ugly monster I feel like and that others have made it through.
I have poured the rest of the red wine down the sink and set a goal to stay sober for 1 month. I need to let this friend know that this is now a drug and alcohol free zone and that all talk of sex is off limits for as long as i say it is.
Will research this EMDR thing - the money will come- oh look there's a link on this page.
I have been on holidays from my hated job and have to go back Friday. I know it triggers me in so many ways - slave, undervalued, no authority, fuzzy boundaries etc etc- care woprker in a nursing home - depressing +++++++ So, at the risk of wearing out my welcome - does anyone have any ideas about surviving this. I have tried to get another job but it is all i am trained to do and with penalty rates I can survive on 2 nights with welfare added. It is soul destroying and erodes my self-worth - probably the most toxic of all the environments I inhabit.
Wow- this does work- I'd never thought of it in terms like that before. Time to really really really look for another job.

Once again thanks. I wish I had come here years ago and hopefully I will come through this and be of help to others one day. There has to be a purpose for all this.

Freeplease,

Lynnda, Sophie, and Swandy all gave some excellent feedback. Let me add mine:

While I was not sexually abused, I survived 19 years of one or more traumas per day (on average). Does it subside? Yes... with the right therapist and the right toolkit (which the therapist will help you put together) it will subside and you will cope better and better. Note, you'll never be completely bombproof... but you will learn coping skills that are every bit as effective against bombs.

People out there who don't have PTSD or CPTSD can't understand.. even those who try with everything they have because the love us have a lot of difficulty (at best).

On the other hand, you're in the right place here. Most or all of us have lived through the things you're going through. Many of us have gone through what you went through in the past. There's nothing you could say here that would surprise us, and none of us would judge you lest we be judged.

NOTHING is too heavy if we work together to lift each other up!!!

I think you had the right idea about a specialist, and Lynnda has the right idea for finding one. Start by looking for someone who specializes in EMDR, and you CAN find Therapists who do if you're worried about the difference in cost between a therapist and PDoc (Psychiatrist). I, in fact, see a therapist for my PTSD and a PDoc who works with her (the Therapist) for Med Management. I've suggested this to many here to good success.

One common thing we've all seen in this forum is that the wrong therapist can and usually does more harm than good for (C)PTSD patients. Your experience seems to follow this generalization.

Again, I suggest that you seek out that specialist... by looking for someone who has EMDR as part of their toolkit. you (or they) may not choose to use in in your case, but it does show that they are a specialist in Trauma, and (C)PTSD.

The important thing here is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! the people here on this forum are all here for ourselves and each other. We are supported when we need it. We pay it forward when and as we can.

Finally, be gentle to yourself. If you're not, no one else can be.

Cheers.

freeplease,

I do not feel that I can contribute any further suggestions than those that were already offered (very good BTW).

I can say that I am sorry you had these experiences and that I truly understand.

I was dignosed with PTSD 14 years ago, and after almost five years of therapy, the dissociation ceased, but the awareness increased. Immediately following therapy, I recall feeling very strong--but this did not last long. I reacted to triggers, I experienced flashbacks for years, I fell into prolonged periods of depression, vented mostly, exploded a lot. Presently, my post-trigger "tool kit" is very good (all things considered), and at best it is (although not completely) preventing the spiraling (flashbacks and depression). This afternoon, I experienced another episode (I hate that word), and recalled feeling (along with the typical psot-trigger reactions) hopeless...and also questioning (as you have) whether it will ever get better (or subside).

I read all of the replies...all very good suggestions.

I have also tried vigilantly to get out of all of the "toxic" relationships in my life, and replace them with positive , respectful, and loving people; however have had a rough go of this. I still believe it would make a world of difference to even just have a few really good and supportive people in my life.
I hope that you have some success in finding a good therapist. This, too, can make a huge difference. I am not in therapy presently, but when I was (as hard as it was and however we often project onto them as having "caused" things), I am very, very thankful to have worked with two very good and qualified helpers...and pray that my next one is also good.

Very good input here by everyone. It helped me, too.

Hope this was somewhat helpful to you as well.

FP - Yes, as others have said, the answer is, YES. It does subside but it takes time.

Healing is not a straight path. We rise and fall, succeed and fail, and just when we think we're better we hit up against a trigger we didn't expect and then have to work through yet one more thing. That's the nature of healing. It happens to us all. Expect that and be happy and appreciative and congratulate yourself for the weeks you have that are better. Those weeks let you know you're doing the right work. I always say that the 3 years of my healing were much, much worse than my 25 years of undiagnosed PTSD. Why? Because we're so conscious while we're healing it makes us even more raw and sensitive and reactive.

The important thing is to keep going and to keep your eye on the end goal: visualize the healthy you you want to become. Any achievement we succeed at in our lives comes from our fierce dedication, will, desire and the fact that we are very clear about what we want. Healing has to be this way, too.

One last thing, I tried every one of the major therapies, including every information processing technique (ie. EMDR). While they were all helpful in some way the only thing that got the nightly nightmares to cease was hypnotherapy. As you approach figuring out what to try and do, keep hypno in mind as another resource, preferrably hypno that combines NLP and TimeLining. Feel free to email me for more info. Happy to talk about it.

The key to healing is trying everything until we find the combination that unlocks the door for us. Carry on. Keep it up! You're on a path. Keep walking it and we all here will walk beside you.

So much has happened in 1 day! Thanks all for your kind words of support- it has made me stronger. I have found a therapist who practices EMDR and it's on medicare and she talks about a ''toolkit'' on her website! - exactly what I asked the last therapist to help with (but not in those words) but she didn't seem to know what I was talking about. Then I went looking for a therapist who DID help me greatly about 5 yrs ago and found someone with her name running a self paced autogenics program the basis of which is that all the positive thinking in the world isn't going to do a thing if your self image is in the toilet and may even cause stress and anxiety because of the inconsistency.
All day things have been ringing true- trying not to be too euphoric for obvious reasons but it has been a great day and I don't want it to end.
Toxic people/environment stuff is harder as I can't leave my job right now and I only know 2 people - both not good for me but I feel it would cause more trauma making a scene. If I tell one of them that my house is an alcohol and drug free zone for the next month he won't come around but the other I'm not sure if it's her or me that's the problem. Hard to evaluate relationships when perpsectives are so skewed - hoping that what is not good for me will fall away by natural attrition once my inner world improves.
No matter what tomorrow brings it's been a great day and it's thanks to finding you people and hearing your stories and advice. The worst thing was feeling different to everyone else- like I lived in a world no-one else could see. I am real, I do matter and I will beat this thing because if I don't the bastards will have won. I realise now that I simply took over the abuse where they left off. I read somewhere on here about carrying the monster around in your head and I realise I have been living in and even protecting the most awful torture chamber- in my own mind. ENUF IS ENUF!
I hope you all have a great day!